


shadows and steel

by eleonorastay



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: AU, Aang and Katara aren't officially a couple yet, Alternate Universe, Angst, Arranged Marriage, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mention of Character Death, Political Drama, Retelling, Romance, Slow Burn, Still canon-compliant after a certain point, Sukka, all the tension of a Jane Austen novel, love is real, maiko, mention of parental abuse, mention of violence, post-Boiling Rock, what if
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-02-08 02:38:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 60,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21468700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eleonorastay/pseuds/eleonorastay
Summary: After the incident at the Boiling Rock, Zuko reveals a secret to the Gaang.
Relationships: Aang & Katara (Avatar), Aang/Katara (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar), Maiko - Relationship, Sokka & Suki (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Sukka - Relationship, kataang
Comments: 286
Kudos: 842
Collections: AtLA <100k fics to read, AtLA to read soon





	1. Chapter 1

“So then, right as they were slicing through the line--SLICESLICESLICE--blades fly through the air, pinning the guards down! Shfoooooooom!” Sokka threw himself to the ground, rolling back and forth in mock pain. 

“Sokka! Be careful!” Clicking her tongue in a way that embodied their Gran-Gran, Katara handed her brother a bowl of soup. “You’ve barely slept, haven’t eaten, and just got back from breaking into a high security prison in the Fire Nation. Without asking for anyone’s help other than Zuko.”  
She shot the firebender a look that, in his opinion, was completely unfair. It wasn’t his fault Sokka had been dumb enough to plan an attack on the Boiling Rock alone, and if he hadn’t caught him sneaking off, the idiot would have definitely not succeeded. If she’d wanted to go along on the suicide mission, she should have caught her brother first. 

“She’s right, Sokka.” Leave it to Aang to take Katara’s side. Probably why he’d been given the biggest bowl of soup, despite his humble protests. “You’re lucky you didn’t get more injured during the fight.” 

“Probably because his girlfriend did most of the work,” Toph chortled from where she lay prostrate on the other side of the campfire. Two bowls that had been licked clean sat next to her, a dirty spoon balanced precariously on top of them. 

On her other side was Suki. The Kyoshi Warrior rolled her eyes, but her smile betrayed her appreciation for the earthbender’s recognition of her efforts. Katara had insisted she change out of her prison garb so they could be washed, so she was currently clad in a borrowed pair of trousers and a sleeveless Water Tribe tunic, her hair damp from her first proper bath in a while. Momo sat snuggled on her lap--apparently he had missed her just as much as the rest of the Gaang had. 

It was just the six of them around the fire for the night. After a tearful family reunion, Sokka and Katara had shooed their father off to get some rest and send messenger hawks to the South Pole to let his family know he was alright. Chit Sang and his lady friend had disappeared for a romantic night under the stars--or at least, that’s what they had said. For all Zuko knew, they were hiding out in the bushes, waiting for everyone to doze off so they could steal their supplies and be on their merry way to a refugee camp with the loot. War criminals were still criminals, after all. 

As for the rest of their troupe, Haru, Teo, and the Duke had agreed to take the night patrol around the boundary lines of the Temple. At first, Zuko had been grateful to hand over the responsibility after an exhausting excursion. Now, he regretted giving up the opportunity to escape Sokka’s semi-accurate reenactment of their field trip.  


Aang was obviously not of the same opinion. “So? Then what happened?” 

Dusting himself off, Sokka struck a dramatic pose: one foot in the air, palm shading his eyes. “We peeked out of the gondola to catch a glimpse of our savior--you know, the second one of the day, since Suki totally saved us first--and realized that it was...one of Azula’s friends! DUN DUN DUN!!!” 

Katara’s jaw dropped. “You’re kidding!”

“Wow. She betrayed her?” 

“Just goes to show, you can’t trust anybody these days.”

“Toph, she saved their lives.”

“I’m just saying.”  


“Oh, and that’s not all!” The smirk on Sokka’s face widened, and Zuko felt his stomach clench. “She didn’t just save us. She saved Zuko...because she looooves him.” 

Hand to his heart, Aang gasped, “That’s so sweet!” at the same time Katara made a retching sound.

“In love with Zuko? What’s the matter with her?” 

There it was, the familiar throb of his chi’s energy building in his chest. Snarky comments about him, he could handle. After all, he had earned Katara’s suspicion when he’d made the wrong decision in Ba Sing Se. Anything related to Mai, however, was another matter entirely. Feeling everyone’s eyes on him, he forced himself to relax. 

“Apparently, they used to date.” His story triumphantly completed, Sokka settled back on the ground next to his sister, his bowl of soup balanced on his knees. “Right, Zuko?” 

“Wrong. Well...not exactly.” Zuko sighed, cheeks reddening. He knew he was going to regret this, but Mai had given up everything for him, and Sokka and Suki as well. He couldn’t let them talk about her like she was just some random girl he’d gone out with a few times. “She’s a little more than that.”

“Oh?” Aang looked ready to swoon. “Is she your girlfriend, Zuko?” 

“Close.” He dipped his head, eyes trained on the vegetables floating in his soup. “She’s my wife.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ozai has a gift waiting for his redeemed son when he returns home.

“So, let me see if I’ve got this right,” Katara glowered. “You betrayed us at the catacombs in Ba Sing Se, and while Aang was unconscious and recovering from being on the brink of death, you went back to the Fire Nation, so your dad could reward you for _screwing us over_ by handing you a random girl to marry?! Like she’s some kind of trophy?!”__

_ __ _

“It wasn’t like that,” Zuko mumbled miserably. “Mai and I knew each other as kids! She was friends with Azula.” 

“Oh, because forcing a marriage on a stranger is rude, but forcing it on an acquaintance is totally fine?” She clenched her fist, and the soup in her bowl levitated for a moment before splashing onto the ground. “I thought the Northern Water Tribe had backward views. I should’ve known the Fire Nation would be even worse.”

“Seems a little over the top for a welcome home gift,” Toph coughed. As a noble herself, she had been the least surprised by the revelation. In the Earth Kingdom, contract marriages were still a fairly acceptable occurrence, although not necessarily a common one. 

“I just don’t understand!” Soup cold and forgotten, Aang paced back and forth, hands sliding back and forth over his scalp. If he’d had hair, he surely would have tugged some of it out by now. “Arranged marriages were going out of style back when Kuzon and I were friends! I was sure it would have died out by now. What happened, Zuko?” 

The prince sighed. “It’s really not something the Fire Nation practices a lot. Hardly ever, actually. Only when it comes to the royal family, to make sure the next generation has the most powerful firebenders possible.” *

“Oh yeah, because you need to be a bender to be a good leader.” Suki and Sokka traded an exasperated look. To avoid Katara’s rage and Aang’s fit of confusion, the couple had huddled together on the other side of the fire. 

Aang continued his pacing, a divet in the earth beginning to form underneath his feet. His eye was twitching in a way that clearly wasn’t healthy. “But that girl--she’s not a bender!” 

“No one in her family is.” What a delightful dinner this was turning out to be. “I didn’t realize it at first, but my father had other reasons for choosing her. It’s kind of complicated.” 

“So tell us how it all went down.” With a stomp of her foot, Toph sent the Avatar sliding backwards across the ground, where he collapsed into Katara’s lap with an ‘oof!’ Blushing, the two immediately rearranged themselves to sit innocently side-by-side.

Biting his lip, Zuko wondered if this was a trap. Everything had happened fairly recently, yet somehow it felt like he was about to tell a story from decades ago. A tale from one of those ancient scrolls he’d scoured while hunting the Avatar, or some anecdote his Uncle had passed down on the ship. What if he remembered some of the details wrong? Or what if what he had to say made them distrust him more than they already did? 

Sokka’s voice interrupted his thought spiral. “Listen, if it wasn’t for that Mai girl, we wouldn’t have made it back here. The least you can do is tell us why she would do something like that.” 

Right. To the Gaang, Mai was a Fire Nation monster, just another pawn belonging to his sister. And maybe she had been, at one point, but that certainly wasn’t who she had become. Would they ever meet her, speak to her, get to know her? 

Probably not. Who knew what Azula had done to punish her and Ty Lee for their betrayal at the prison? Most likely, he’d never see Mai again. Brilliant and cunning as she was, she was no match for Azula’s ruthlessness. This might be the only chance he’d ever get to explain to his friends that she was more than they thought she was. That she’d always been more than people believed her to be. 

He owed her that much. 

“Fine.” He cleared his throat. “I guess I should start before we returned to the Fire Nation...” 

. . . . . . . . 

“We’re so close! I can almost see the docks!” Ty Lee had been bouncing off the walls since they’d entered Fire Nation waters. If they didn’t reach land soon, Zuko wasn’t sure he would be able to resist throwing her off the boat any longer. How could someone have so much energy all the time???

“Let me know when the flags are in view, Ty Lee.” His sister didn’t share in his annoyance--thanks to their victory, she’d been in a remarkably tolerant mood. As she should, of course. He was the one with the wrong attitude. They’d won; the Avatar was dead, and his Honor restored. According to the messengers, his father was ready to welcome him home with open arms, as was his country. After two long years, he’d earned their respect, maybe even their admiration. So why did he still feel like such a traitor? 

“What’s with the long face, Zuzu? It doesn’t suit you. You’re not still thinking of that fool who calls himself our Uncle, are you?” Unlike her best friend, who was leaning against the railing of the warship towards their destination, the Fire Nation Princess faced the opposite direction. Reclining on a golden chaise dressed in scarlet silk robes, she plucked a grape from the overflowing platter next to her. The picture of luxury. If Zuko didn’t know better, he’d write her off as some lazy spoiled princess. It was a facade she didn’t take advantage of often, but when she did, danger was nigh. 

“Of course not.” Turning, Zuko trained his eye on the horizon. From this far away, the Kingdom looked like a storm cloud, a hazy grey with brown and bluish shadows. Pinpricks of red and gold dotted the tallest point of the city, and he could already hear the bells and horns betraying the fanfare that awaited them. 

“We’re so close, Azula!” Ty Lee cartwheeled over to her friend, narrowly avoiding kicking Zuko in the face. “I bet your dad is going to really excited to see you!” 

“Don’t be silly. We’ve barely been gone a season. He’ll be even more delighted to see that his son has finally returned home after more than two years.” 

He hated himself for it, but he hoped she was right. 

“Oh, I’m sure he missed you guys the same!”

Zuko wondered if Ty Lee had ever actually met his father. 

“The captain said your dad has got presents for both of you to thank you for getting rid of the Avatar! What do you think yours is?” 

“I have no idea. Perhaps a new war ship? This one got quite a bit of cosmetic damage, thanks to that water peasant.” A trace of vexation flickered in the Princess’s golden eyes, before melting into mischief. “I’m sure Zuko’s is bound to be something far more exciting, don’t you think? What do you think, Zuzu? Some kind of exotic pet? An ancient, one-of-a-kind artifact?”

“My restored honor is the greatest gift I could ever receive.” The answer was one he’d practiced in his head over and over again, daydreaming about the moment when he could finally return home. For some reason, the words felt hollow, even though he was sure he meant them. “Although I guess food with some flavor would be a good start.” 

Ty Lee laughed at his poor joke, and to his surprise, his sister did as well. 

“Agreed. I never knew dirt was such a popular seasoning in the Earth Kingdom, but I suppose if that’s their only commodity, they might as well make the best of it. None of them can compete with Fire Nation spices; that’s why war criminals thank the spirits when they’re served meals in our prisons. It’s far better than anything they could get at home--” 

. . . . . . . . 

“If she wants a taste of Earth Kingdom seasoning, she can lick the dirt off my foot after I shove it down her throat!” 

“Toph!” 

“What? I want to hear about Sparky getting hitched, not his sister being the worst.” 

“Can you skip ahead a bit, Zuko?”

“Alright, alright. So, we reached the palace, and everything seemed to be going smoothly. My dad seemed proud and happy to see me, so I thought all my worries were unfounded. I should have known he had something up his sleeve…”

. . . . . . . . 

The mustached palace official--Shen? Shang?--bowed so many times Zuko wondered if perhaps he’d dropped something. ** The man’s eyes shone with fear, his eyebrows all but disappearing into his hairline. One side of his mustache drooped as his spoke. “Prince Zuko, before you enter your royal chambers for the night, please let us know if there is anything we can do to make you more comfortable.”

He didn’t remember being fawned over so much before he’d left. Had things changed, or had he just gotten used to being treated like a peasant? “It’s alright, really. As long as the bed doesn’t rock back and forth, I’m sure it will give me a much better night’s rest than a ship’s quarters.” 

Judging from the gasp that burst from the sniveling man’s mouth, the joke had flown right over his head. “Of course, sire! I will instruct the servants to check the structural integrity of the frame immediately.” 

“No, I was just--” 

“Please, your highness!” Oh, he still had a few more bows left in him. “Don’t hesitate to ask for anything, anything at all. All of us here are loyal to the royal family. To serve you in any way is our greatest pleasure. You have my word.” 

“Um. Thank you.” 

The two of them stood there in the hallway for a moment, Zuko staring at the floor and the man staring at the ceiling. 

“Oh--you’re dismissed.” 

“Thank you, Prince Zuko!” The man bolted down the hallway like he was being chased by an agitated platypus bear. 

As he approached his destination, Zuko tried to calm the nervous storm whirling in his stomach. It wasn’t like his room was a sentient being; it wouldn’t have missed him or be disappointed that he was back. Still, it felt weird to go back to a place that didn’t feel like his anymore. As he reached the heavy wooden door, he noticed a scroll propped against the frame, tied with a black ribbon. 

_My honorable son. To show my appreciation and pride of your accomplishments on behalf of your country, I have arranged a special gift for you, set to arrive by dawn. Please prepare to receive her tomorrow. Signed, your father.___

_ __ _

__

He didn’t need a gift. What he had said to Azula on the ship was true, despite how odd it had felt to speak it aloud. Still, his father would surely be offended if he turned his prize down; he couldn’t appear ungrateful. He read the scroll once more, searching for a clue to how he could evade accepting a reward, when a particular detail caught his eye.

Please prepare to receive her tomorrow. 

__

Receive her.__

__

__

_Her._  
. . . . . . . . __

“Really, Zuzu. Don’t you think you’re overreacting?” 

“OVERREACTING!?” The eyes and ears of several servants turned to him, and Zuko begrudgingly lowered his voice. “What exactly about our father giving me a _person_ makes you think I’m overreacting?!” __

“Now, now, don’t get upset.”

Steam poured from his nostrils. “I’m not upset!” 

Azula had the audacity to roll her eyes at him. “Calm down, it’s not a concubine. If that were the case, he wouldn’t have given you a warning. You would have simply found her waiting on your bed, draped in silks, ready for you to unwrap.” 

“I’m sorry, is this funny to you?” Sidestepping two handmaidens arranging a display of fire lilies, Zuko resisted the urge to set the whole hallway aflame. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I had no idea Father was planning on arranging a marriage for you. If he’d mentioned it, I would have told him not to bother on the poor girl’s behalf.” 

“Who is she?”

“Believe me, I’m in the dark as much as you are.” Azula shoved a ladder out of her way as they rounded the corner. She paid no mind to the man who nearly toppled off of said ladder, saved only by his grip on the heavy amber banner he’d been nailing to the wall. “Some general’s daughter, perhaps, or one of Commissioner Tsu’s nieces. The homely one, hopefully, otherwise she might be disappointed once she gets a glimpse of your bad side.” 

If he’d had time to come up with a witty retort, he probably would have been too distracted by his own rage to say it. As fate would have it, they’d already reached the grand hall anyway, so all he could do was shoot a final glare at his sister before pushing the doors open. 

The moment he stepped into the room, he felt his mouth go dry. Behind him, Azula let out a gasp, something he’d never heard her do in his life. 

A girl stood ramrod straight in the middle of the patterned floor. Straight black hair was draped over her shoulders in two sections, shining like a pair of onyx rivers. It was longer than he remembered, much longer. She looked quite thin, her frame dwarfed in blood-colored robes embroidered with a phoenix design in a lighter red. Her face was pale too--smooth as the moon and twice as mysterious, the expression unreadable. Bright eyes the color of a firefox’s fur in the sunlight stared straight through him, betraying nothing. 

“Hello, Zuko.” She sounded as though she were greeting a friend of her father’s: collected, polite, and entirely disinterested. 

_“Mai?”___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * - According to Bryke, the Fire Nation is known to practice more love marriages amongst nobility than either the Earth Kingdom or the Northern Water Tribe. The only Fire Nation citizens who partake in arranged unions are the royal family.  
** - This references the traditional Fire Nation bow, with one palm held against a fist. This symbolizes a recognition of the power dynamic between two people, as well as respect for the person to whom the other is bowing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko is shocked to find out that he knows his chosen bride.

“So.” 

No answer.

Clearing his throat, Zuko tried again. “So.” 

Still no answer. After she’d greeted him, Mai had scarcely spoken another word. His father had given a short speech, one he hardly remembered now. The only detail that had stuck in his mind was that their marriage ceremony would commence the following day. He had bowed and thanked his father, as a good son should. Lo and Li had whisked the two of them off to the nearest parlor almost immediately afterwards. From their soft smiles, he figured they had probably meant it as an act of kindness, to spare him any more awkwardness in front of an audience. 

To be honest, he felt like this was almost a punishment in itself, to be shut up in private with a childhood crush he hadn’t expected to see again. And with zero preparation! Why hadn’t his father told him it was Mai he was bringing to the palace? If he had, Zuko could have planned out a way to impress her. Maybe figured out a gift to welcome her--no, he hardly knew what she liked now. At the very least, he could have come up with something eloquent to say! Maybe then, they’d be catching up like old friends, sitting by the turtleduck pond. Or walking arm-in-arm through the gardens, letting shy small talk distract them from the awkwardness of the situation. Anything other than standing here in the middle of his room, like two pieces of furniture. 

Maybe he could still salvage it. They’d gotten along, back then. She’d found him amusing, or at least she pretended to. If he came up with a joke to break the tension, she might smile, and then things would turn out alright--

Those captivating eyes flickered over to him, landing on his scar, and then away. 

But then, he’d never been that lucky. Fists clenching, he tried to ignore the warmth of the shame reddening the back of his ears. Of course that would be the first thing she’d notice. 

“It’s healed well,” he spat, harsher than he meant to. 

One eyebrow arched delicately, and she hesitated before replying, “Your hair. It’s different now.” 

A hand flew up to his scalp, and he bit back a curse. In his frustration that morning, he’d forgotten to put it up in a topknot. Another thing he would have to get used to worrying about again. He was lucky that his father hadn’t mentioned it. “So’s yours. It’s...longer.” 

It was such a stupid thing to say. Of course her hair was longer; it had been years since they’d seen each other. That’s how time worked, after all. What next, was he going to tell her she had gotten taller? Maybe Lo and Li had done him a favor after all--if Azula had witnessed this spectacular failure at conversation, she would surely die of laughter. 

Looking up, he realized she was openly staring at him now, her gaze slipping from his face to his feet and then back up again. He must look ridiculous in his royal robes. The flowing sleeves surely looked clownish instead of grand, the multicolored embroidery garish and childish. The pointed toes of his slippers probably made him look like he’d taken up Ty Lee’s offer to join her at the circus. If his scar and his hair weren’t enough to betray that he was trying too hard to belong, surely his clothes did the job. 

She, on the other hand, looked magnificent. Her robes seemed too large for her slender frame, but she wore them well. Her face was clean and free of makeup, save a swipe of kohl along the lashes of each eyelid. Up close, he could see glimmers of steel in her hair, reflecting the sunlight that peered through the diaphanous curtains of the windows. Did she throw shuriken still? She’d been pretty good at it, from what he remembered. How many weapons did she have hidden on her person now? Would it be rude to ask?

“Mai?” 

“Zuko.” He couldn’t put his finger on it, but something in her face changed when he’d said her name. There was something tiny and imperceptible in her expression, something almost resembling emotion. 

“I--”

The heavy wooden door flew open with a thump, and a flash of pink barreled past him. 

“Oh my gosh, Mai! I am so happy to see you!!!” 

“Ty Lee.” Struggling in the acrobat’s iron grip, Mai resumed her bored expression. Her tone was as flat as when she’d greeted him, a comforting fact. So it wasn’t just him, she was like this with all of her old friends. 

“Azula and I tried to visit you, you know?” Smoothing the other girl’s hair, now rumpled from her embrace, Ty Lee spun them in a circle. “She wanted the three of us to go on a special mission together, like when we were kids! We really wanted you to be a part of it. We even went to your new house in the colonies! It was so pretty there, I loved all the green. But your dad said you were away studying, so we had to move on without you.” 

Mai halted the spinning, extracting her wrist from Ty Lee’s grasp. “I’m sure Azula was thrilled to have my father ruin her plans.” 

Zuko let out a snort, blanching when both girls turned to stare at him. Why were they acting like he wasn’t supposed to be here?! 

“Wow, this is so crazy! You guys, getting married!” Bringing them both into a group hug, Ty Lee let out a high-pitched squeal. “It’s like destiny!” 

“I wouldn’t say that,” Zuko choked, trying in vain to escape.

“Oh, hush.” Fixing her other captive with a mischievous smirk, the pink-clad girl singsonged, “I guess childhood dreams do come true, huh Mai?” 

“Ty Lee.” The bored look in Mai’s eye morphed into a murderous gleam, one that terrified Zuko but seemed to have zero effect on the acrobat it was meant for. 

A clanging sound burst from the hallway, followed by a short scream. 

“Oh, I have to go! Azula wanted to show me her welcome home present. I was on my way to see her, but then I heard the servants say you were in Zuko’s room, and I had to come say hi!” Dropping a kiss on Mai’s cheek and then Zuko’s, the acrobat bounced out the door, leaving it wide open. 

The moment after Ty Lee left a room had always felt to Zuko like the time immediately after a hurricane had passed through. Mai looked similarly bewildered, and he wondered how long it had been since the two had last seen each other. 

Unsure of what else to do, he strolled over to the door to close it, then paused. What would they think he and Mai were getting up to if he left it shut? Then again, he could hardly speak to her freely with the knowledge that anyone walking by could overhear. Not that they had been speaking freely before Ty Lee had barged in. Maybe he should close it anyway…

"Does it always take you so long to decide whether you’re going to leave a room?” 

The twinge of irritation in her voice made him gape, although he gathered his wits enough to close his mouth before turning back to her. All that, and the first time she showed some emotion she chose to take it out on him? “I wasn’t leaving, I was just--” 

Lips pressed together in a flat line. “Whatever.” 

Familiar frustration bubbled in his veins, and he felt the palms of his hands heat. “I didn’t know this was happening, okay?! If I had, I would have…” What? What could he possibly have done? 

From the way Mai strolled past him without a word or backward glance, she had the same question. 

. . . . . . . . 

“That sounds awful! Poor Mai.” At some point during his story, Suki had shifted to lying her head in Sokka’s lap, her boyfriend gently scratching her scalp with one hand and circling her back with the other. If Toph had been able to see it, she surely would have ridiculed them for being so mushy. 

A tiny sprig of jealousy bloomed within Zuko. The two of them looked so comfortable together, like they had never spent a day apart. If they’d been caught in a forced marriage, that reunion would have been far more romantic than the one he had just described. They probably would have run away, rejecting the archaic tradition of betrothal altogether. Two heart-eyed outlaws shunning sexist ideals, enjoying plenty of meat and sarcasm along the way. 

“I can’t believe your sister didn’t know about it.” Aang exclaimed. 

Zuko shrugged. “Me either.”

“That must have been so weird. For all of you.” The airbender’s eyes were wide with genuine sympathy. He and Katara had shifted closer to each other during the last bit of the tale, and they were now only an inch or so from touching. They were comfortable together too, in a different way. Zuko didn’t know why they weren’t officially together yet, considering how obvious it was that they shared romantic feelings, but he certainly wasn’t going to ask. 

Now, those two would definitely have handled the situation with a tiny bit of awkwardness. Although, Aang would have found some way to stand up to the powers at work. What’s more, Katara would take down anyone who dared to force her into anything. Aang would win her heart with his gentlemanly ways and strong ethics, and her bravery and compassion would win his in return. They’d have sailed off into the sunset on the back of Aang’s bison, sharing their first kiss along a backdrop of sky...

Even Toph would have figured out a way to turn the situation in her favor. She may have appeared delicate and helpless--diminutive, without sight, and currently picking her nose--but she would have done something awesome, like using a sheet of metal to trap her betrothed against the wall so she could escape underground with his many expensive wedding presents. 

Suki was right. Poor Mai, stuck with him as a husband. Stuck with stupid, spineless Zuko, too much of a coward to protect her dignity, much less his own. Maybe if he’d searched harder for a way out, things wouldn’t have turned out like this. Maybe she wouldn’t have saved him at her Uncle’s prison, betraying Azula and dooming herself in the process. 

But then again...if she hadn’t saved them, they probably wouldn’t have made it. 

“Where did she go?” 

“Huh?” 

Katara huffed, as if he’d purposefully ignored her. “I said, where did she go? When she left the room?”

“Oh.” He’d never asked. “To see Azula, I think. I didn’t see her again until later that night...”

. . . . . . . . 

Even though he’d resolved to stop thinking about it, Zuko found himself wishing that he could talk to his Uncle. Sure, Iroh’s advice was almost never what he needed, but at least it would be something.

Agni, he was tired. His hand slipped over his face, the ruddy ridges of his scar rough under his fingertips. What had he expected? Her to run into his arms, once they were safely alone? For her to be overjoyed at his return? For it to go _well?_ Ha. 

The last time he’d seen Mai, he had been ten, and she nine. He’d been different. A prince, respected and admired. His clothes had suited him, his hairstyle too. The perfect combination of a handsome father and a beautiful mother, if his nursemaids’ doting comments were to be believed. He’d still been awkward, and unsure about what to say to girls, of course. But at least back then, he’d known how she felt about him, before she’d perfected her stony demeanor. Even as dense as he was, he could read her interest in the curve of her smile, how she breathed when he entered the room, the way she avoided his gaze only to sneak looks at him when she thought he was distracted. She blushed freely back then, where he could see it. Where even Azula could see it. 

Mai had told him once that she liked him better than Azula. She’d decided she did, in her words. As if it was a topic that required much deliberation, a careful weighing of pros and cons. He’d felt three hundred feet tall that day. Now, it was obvious she’d changed her mind. 

Thankfully, the Firelord had taken dinner in his war study, excusing the rest of them to eat at their own leisure with whatever company they chose. Any other day, Zuko would have been disappointed, but tonight he couldn’t have been more relieved. If he had been forced to suffer through an hour of dining at the same table as his father, his sister, Ty Lee, Mai, and a smattering of random generals and advisors, he definitely would have lost any remaining semblance of self control. Right now, he just needed to escape.

Muscle memory carried him through one corridor, then another, down a flight of stairs, and through a door on the left. Luckily the layout of the palace had stayed more or less the same since his banishment. If he had gotten lost, it wouldn’t have mattered anyway; guards were stationed every few hundred feet. Every one he passed bowed as he approached, but he didn’t bother to nod back. Someday he’d learn all their names, but right now he felt like he was suffocating. 

Finally, he entered the courtyard. Well, it was more like a square patch of grass, fifteen feet in diameter, bordered by rough brown stones. The sun had set, bathing the area in an eerie moonlight. Unlike the gardens and walking paths his mother had cherished, this part of the palace had been reserved for his firebending training. It felt smaller than he’d remembered. He took one step, then another. Even through the rich fabric of his slippers, he could feel the familiar texture of the grass against his heel. He’d practiced the movements barefoot, day in and day out. Uncle had insisted on it. 

_“Only earthbenders can move the ground beneath them, but they aren’t the only ones the ground remembers,” _ the older man had chided, sipping a cup of oolong tea.

He had complained, of course. Walk around barefoot, like a common peasant? Why would he ever want to do such a thing? Dirt didn’t have feelings! 

Now, Zuko slipped off one slipper, than the other, letting the soft grass cushion his toes. 

“Remember me?” he whispered, feeling only a little bit silly. A rustling sounded behind him, and he whirled around, foot outstretched. 

“Prince Zuko!” Nervous mustached servant man dropped to the ground, hands clasped over his head. The flame Zuko had aimed at him sailed past harmlessly, disappearing into the ether. 

“I’m sorry!” Zuko sputtered. Why had he firebended so quickly?! He was in the palace now, no one was trying to sneak up on him! What would he have done if the man’s reflexes hadn’t been so sharp?

The man made no move to get up. “No, no, sir. I’m sorry. I should have announced myself properly. I was sent to tell you, your wi--the girl who has been pledged to you, has begged the honor of your presence.” 

“Wh-what?” He had to be joking. The Mai he had spoken to earlier may be a stranger to him now, but she would certainly never beg. 

The man peeked up at him, apparently still lacking the intention to rise. “She has been set up in the guest chambers by the royal gallery, sir. Do you wish to grant her request, or shall I tell her you have other matters to attend to?”

“No, I’ll see her.” Zuko wondered how exactly the servant had planned to spin ‘the Fire Prince is too busy standing barefoot in a courtyard, talking to dirt and ready to burn anyone that interrupts him alive’ into a dignified excuse. “Thanks. And, um, sorry. I’ll be more careful.” 

Exhaling in relief, the man finally stood, not even bothering to brush himself off. “It is no trouble, sir. Forgive me for saying so, but I have learned how to dodge over the years.” 

He didn’t add "because of Azula" to the end of his sentence, but as far as Zuko was concerned, he didn’t need to. 

. . . . . . . . 

“Wait, so you went to her room? Alone? At night?” Sokka smirked. “Should I be worried about where this story is going?” 

A sandal flew through the air and bonked him on the head. “Don’t be gross!” 

“What? I’m asking so that we can all be spared if the answer is yes!” Rubbing the red mark blooming on his forehead, Sokka glowered at his sister. She stuck her tongue out at him in response, flawlessly catching her sandal in one hand as Suki tossed it back to her. 

Zuko felt a tug on his sleeve--wow, Aang was really getting into this.

“Did you guys talk? Did she get mad at you again? Come on, you can’t end it there!” 

Toph made a noise of agreement. “Yeah, it was finally getting good!” 

“I mean, not that good.”

“Katara!”

“What? It wasn’t!” 

“It might in a minute!”

“I’m not going to lie, when the servant dropped me off near the guest quarters, I debated just sneaking off to my room without talking to her. But before I could leave...there she was.” 

Breathless, Aang leaned forward as if tugged by a string. “And?”

. . . . . . . . 

“Zuko.” She didn’t sound surprised. Then again, she also didn’t move to invite him in, so perhaps she hadn’t been expecting him either. He was starting to notice that Mai often limited her part of the conversation to a series of observations. Why, he wasn’t sure. Maybe by the end of the night, he’d gather up enough courage to ask her. 

Yeah, and maybe he’d come across a wayward dragon enjoying a game of pai sho in the turtleduck pond, while he was at it. 

“You, uh. You wanted to see me?” Oh, Spirits. It was all a trick, wasn’t it? Set up by Azula, no doubt. He should’ve known the servants would follow her every command without question, even at his expense. 

“Yes.” In a moment, she’d slipped out of her room and joined him in the hallway. The door shut quietly behind her, and there they were. Alone. 

Well, at least this would prevent any passing guards from coming up with sordid ideas about why he’d entered her room this late at night. Not that having this conversation--whatever it was going to be--in the middle of the hallway would be any less uncomfortable. At least it was somewhat dark now. Even with the dim light from the lanterns hanging along the walls, a third party would have to get fairly close to make out exactly who they were. 

As for the two of them, they were only a few steps apart. He could see her very well. 

Her hair was loose, flowing down her back like a cloak. The light from the lanterns illuminated the inky strands, casting them with an orange sheen. She’d changed out of the glorious robes in which she’d arrived--actually, no. It dawned on him that he had no idea what she’d been wearing when she’d reached the palace. Had she traveled in her finery? Certainly not, if her mother had been given a say. The years may have dulled his memory of the Governor’s wife, but he remembered enough to be certain about that. How long had it taken them to dress Mai up, then? Or had they allowed her to dress herself? One final act of independence...  
Regardless, it must have taken a long time. She was probably exhausted, desperate for sleep, and here he was, keeping her awake. No wonder she seemed so frustrated with him. 

“Well.” The bored expression was back, but she had taken a step closer. Her hands were sheathed in her sleeves of her dress--also black, a shade or two lighter than her hair. Though it appeared free of design, he could tell from the way the fabric moved that it was of high quality. 

The light flickered, and a shadow danced down the line of her cheek. 

His first thought was that he wanted to trace that shadow with a finger. His second thought was that his first thought was absolutely ludicrous. 

“Is it true?” she spoke quietly, a touch louder than a whisper. The way the lanterns illuminated her mouth as it moved was fascinating, and he wondered if she knew this.

If she was using the fact to her advantage. 

Oh, right. She expected an answer. Blinking, he tried to remember how to form a sentence. “That we’re getting married tomorrow?”

“No.” She squinted at him, and the magic of the moment shattered like a clay teacup against a stone floor. “That you killed the Avatar.” 

He wanted to tell her the truth. But how could he, when he wasn’t even sure he knew what the truth was? Technically, yes. Azula had dealt the final blow, but he had made it possible for her to do so. Then again, he’d met a water tribe girl with a vial of healing water that could do the impossible--say, bring someone back to life. But there was no guarantee that it had worked.

The Avatar could be dead. He wouldn’t have returned home at all, if there hadn’t been a chance it were true. 

In the end, the best he could come up with was, “Azula and I did, together.” 

“Hm.” 

He’d expected some kind of reaction, and was of course disappointed. If she was impressed, she didn’t show it. Did she allow herself to feel anything at all anymore? Or was it easier to train yourself not to have emotions, instead of settling for hiding them under a mask? 

“I feel things.” She said it as simply as if he’d asked her name. 

Embarrassed, he buried his face in his hands. “I didn’t mean to say that out loud.” 

“Well then, in the interest of candor: why are you barefoot?”

Peeking through his fingers, he cursed slightly louder than he intended, the final consonant ricocheting off the dark walls of the hall. “My slippers--I left them outside--I can’t believe I--”

“The Firelord’s son was in that much of a hurry to answer my request for an audience?” 

His hands fell to his sides at the blush of humor in her tone. Was she...joking? Based on her facial expression, she wasn’t...but then one dark eyebrow twitched.

“I’m honored.” 

As if she’d commanded it, the lantern over his shoulder burned out, leaving behind only a wisp of smoke. The right side of her face was plunged into shadow, leaving only the left half visible to him. 

It was too late for puzzles he wasn’t smart or skilled enough to solve. He’d been playing games with Azula for weeks. If frankness was what she wanted, he’d give her that. 

“Of course I came to talk to you. I’ve thought about--no, I’ve wanted to talk to you for a while.” Pausing, he added, “I just never thought it would be under these circumstances.” 

“Me neither,” she mused, turning away slightly. Even more of her was in shadow now, and it bothered him. She was beautiful to look at, yes, but even more importantly, he wanted to study her face for any traces of a reaction to what he had to say. Her mask was brilliant, there was no doubt of that. But she had left him a clue twice now, whether she’d realized it or not, and he wasn’t going to let something as trivial as bad lighting steal the next one. 

“Can you--could you just--?” Reaching out to guide her by her shoulders, he snatched his hands away before they made contact. How would that look, him tossing her around like a rag doll? 

Tilting her head, she shifted one step to the left. “Can I what?” 

“Stand here. So I can stand where you are and--and see you better.” His cheeks burned, and he decided maybe having this conversation in darkness was a good idea after all. “Never mind, it was stupid.”

She stood still for a moment, and he wondered if she was thinking of a way to distract him so she could run back into her room and then lock the door. 

“Fine.” 

“What?”

Mai didn’t repeat herself. Instead, she shoved him gently out of the way, taking his place against the wall. One pale hand revealed itself from the safety of her sleeve to pull him into the spot directly in front of her door, and then there they were, facing each other again. A mirror image of the moment before.

“Better?” she asked, the plane of her mouth practically shouting _I don’t care about your answer._

It was. Her face was whole again, both eyes glimmering in the light like tiger stones. In the back of his mind, something screamed at him to _switch back, now half your face is in shadow, the wrong side_, but he elected to ignore it. The scar wasn’t going anywhere, and vanity was hardly important now. He wasn’t even wearing shoes, for Agni’s sake. 

“Thank you.”

The corners of the mouth turned down slightly. A deliberate choice. “I’m loyal to the royal family. To serve you is my greatest pleasure.” 

Oh no. His face found his hands again, and he wondered idly if it would make a home there. “Mai, I didn’t mean it like that! Not that you’re not nice to look at--it’s just--I wanted to see your face, was all. So I could, I don’t know, understand.” 

“Understand,” she parroted, shrinking back against the wall. The lights chased each other over the slope of her forehead. 

“Understand you! What you’re thinking. I want--I want to know what you’re thinking.” Letting out a sigh into his palms, he lowered his voice. The last thing he needed was someone walking in on this mess wondering what all the commotion was about. “Mai, I swear, I’m as confused about all of this as you are.” 

Thin, soft fingers tugged his hands away, and as he looked up, he was shocked to see that could read the expression on her face easily. There was sadness, there in the droop of her eyelids. Hestitance, betrayed by the way she bit her lip. The gleam in her eyes carried a trace of anger, but a coldness of resignation as well. He’d never seen her like this, and he was surprised by how beautiful she was. 

“I’m not confused,” she said quietly, dropping his hands. The mask clicked back into place. “It all makes perfect sense now.”

“It does?”

“Unfortunately.” She sighed, leaning her head back. The way she was studying him, her gaze slipping over every inch of his face, made him feel more exposed than he had in awhile. But he let her. He’d been studying her all evening, allowing her the same courtesy was the least he could do. 

“I have a silly question to ask you.” 

“Huh?” What would Mai consider silly? He wished he knew. It seemed like something you were supposed to know about a person you cared about. Once he’d been confident he had the answer--_Mai thinks finding shapes in the clouds is silly, because they’re not hippo-rhinos or lighthouses, they’re just clouds_\--but so much time had passed since then, the answer was doubtlessly different now. 

“Are you going to treat me well, after tomorrow?” 

His jaw loosened. Unlike hers, his body was powerless to his emotions. “What are you talking about? Of course I will! I don’t understand what my dad is thinking, or...the purpose of all this, but I...I’m your friend, Mai. I’ll always be your friend.” 

Banishment had changed a lot of things, but not his loyalty. He may not have had any friends after that fateful day, but that didn’t mean he’d forgotten her. Had she thought it had? Was that why she’d been acting so coldly? 

She stepped forward, face firmly set. Another step, and they were so close, it felt like something had ignited in his chest. Was she--was she going to--? 

It had only happened once, between them. The first for both of them, although if Azula had ever said so he would have surely denied it. It hadn’t been more than an innocent peck on the lips, lasting not even a second. If Mai’s mother had found out, even she wouldn’t have bothered to get into a tizzy about it. Inconsequential. 

Truthfully, he hadn’t thought about it until just now, although memories of Mai had crossed his mind from time to time during his banishment. But now, with her less than a step’s distance away from him, he couldn’t think of anything else. 

He leaned in…

And she was gone, ghosting around him and into her room. 

. . . . . . . . 

“Ohhhhh!” Sokka and Aang collapsed on the ground in a pile, startling a sleeping Momo. Shrieking, the lemur bounded off of Suki’s lap and onto Katara’s shoulder, burying his head in her hair. 

He knew he should have left out this part.

Toph’s laughter was just as disruptive as her bending. “And here I was thinking you had game!” 

“The point _is_, there was definitely something between us before we went through the official ceremony.”

Aang perked up. “Oh, the ceremony! I was never allowed to go to one when I visited the Fire Nation before the war. What was it like?”

Scratching the back of his head, Zuko winced. “Well…”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding ceremony commences.

Zuko had never thought about his wedding, not once in sixteen years. Perhaps that was a blessing. If he had, he would have been sorely disappointed by reality. 

Not that Mai was a disappointment. Her outfit for the ceremony was even more beautiful than the one she’d worn yesterday: rich red silk trimmed in swaths of white as delicate as snow, sweeping over her shoulders and nipped in at the waist with a shimmering gold sash. Gold pins dotted her elaborate hairstyle like stars against the night sky, and her mouth had been painted a true Fire Nation red. She looked stunning, albeit a bit older than she actually was. 

The plan had been for them to remain unseen to each other until their entrance into the grand hall. Fortunately, he’d been on the hunt for some firewhiskey to calm his nerves, and had run into her in the hallway. As per Fire Nation custom, her attendees were also dressed to the nines--although to him, she would have outshone them no matter what she was wearing. They surrounded her like a protective circle as he passed. Even so, he caught a glimpse of her just before he turned the corner. Her gaze settled on him for half a second, and then she was gone. 

She’d seen him. Did she like it, how he looked? Lo and Li had insisted on styling his hair for him today, and had polished his chestplate until the dragon gleamed. Sweat gathered under the heavy collar of his outfit, and he snuck a peek at his manservants. Unlike the women, who had coordinated their color scheme to match Mai’s, his attendees were clad in robes of ivory and scarlet. He was the only one in black today, in accordance to tradition.*

The ceremony itself had been a blur. Lots of people, he remembered that. Giant flower lanterns adorning the walls. Kneeling on the steps of the throne room, bowing until the cushiony threads of the carpet brushed his hairline. They’d recited the Fire Nation oath, then offered sacrifices of fruit and coin to the spirits. Sipped the spiced tea of unity, during which he’d tried and failed to not think of Uncle. Bowed some more. There’d been an odd moment that involved tying a bronze ribbon around their wrists, some chanting, and then immediately releasing each other from the bond so the ribbon could be added to the spirits’ wares.**

His father’s voice had sounded more jovial than he’d ever heard it. He’d expected a Fire Sage to officiate, but his father had decided to follow Firelord Sozin’s example and preside over the union himself. A rare honor. 

Afterwards, the banquet. A plethora of noodles, meat, fish, rice, and cabbage stews. Around him, aristocrats laughed and ate and sang, a hundred faces he should recognize but didn’t. Mai had been seated at the opposite end of the table. He wondered if she knew anyone here, or if they were all strangers to her too. 

As Fire Princess, Azula had taken her assigned spot at his side, a fact that would normally have bothered him. Oddly enough, she’d neglected to give him even a speck of her attention during the entire affair. Not one insult, not even a sly remark. She had stolen his look, he noticed. Her robes were black with maroon accents, golden clasps with tiny spikes fastening a cape over her shoulders. 

To the princess’s right sat her faithful companion, although the place card in front of her bore the name of the Minister of Commerce. In a shocking move, Ty Lee had foregone her signature color in favor of a rather demure scarlet number...which in all honesty did not suit her personality. Not that this had dimmed her attitude. She was plucky and cheerful as ever. 

“Mai looks so beautiful! Like a princess--oh, but not as beautiful or as princess-y as you, Azula! I wish she was sitting with us.” Dragging a platter closer to herself, Ty Lee gazed longingly across the room. “Do you think we could go talk to her?” 

In the periphery of his vision, Azula examined her nails. If she suspected he was eavesdropping--and knowing her, she was absolutely aware--she didn’t seem to care. “Not yet, Ty Lee. Wait until dinner is over.”

Clapping her hands like a child at a puppet show, Ty Lee shoved a fire cake into her mouth. She’d barely swallowed the dessert before gasping, “Oh my gosh--her mom and dad aren’t here!” 

At this, he nearly dropped his chopsticks. A few grains of rice fell into his lap, and he hurriedly swiped the mess into a napkin. Thankfully, he was still being ignored.

“Of course not. The trip from Omashu would take several days, and the governor can’t possibly abandon the colony when there have been so many uprisings to protest the Avatar’s defeat. It would be irresponsible, not to mention an act of disrespect.”

Zuko almost laughed. Disrespect, what a concept. Not being there to support your daughter on her wedding day seemed pretty disrespectful to him. His father, the Firelord himself, had gone to the trouble of officiating. All Mai’s parents had needed to do was show up. 

“That’s so sad.” The acrobat’s bottom lip stuck out. “Poor Mai.” 

Azula sniffed, gulping down her drink. “Don’t be stupid. Mai doesn’t need your pity. She’s royalty now. It would be foolish to complain.” 

“You’re right, Azula!” In a flash, the sad look was replaced with a broad grin, almost like a party trick. “I can’t believe you guys are sisters! Mai is _so_ lucky.” 

. . . . . . . . 

The ceremony had passed quickly, but the reception seemed to go on for hours. Perhaps the spirits hadn’t been satisfied with the sacrifices they’d made, and had elected to punish him by prolonging his misery. 

As soon as the dishes had been cleared, Azula and Ty Lee had whisked his bride away, leaving him behind to face the crowd. Handshakes, bows, and never-ending small talk filled every moment. The second he finished speaking with some official, another one appeared to say more or less the same thing: we are so glad to have you back, Prince Zuko; congratulations on your victory at Ba Sing Se, Prince Zuko; your father must be so proud, Prince Zuko. Not one mentioned Mai or the wedding. 

Finally, after a particularly boring conversation with one of the royal engineers, he managed to slip away into the hall for a breather. The bespectacled woman had greatly overestimated his interest in the technology behind a roof’s slope. A throb of terror overtook him--this was going to be his life now. Would he ever have a meaningful conversation again? 

The wall felt warm against the back of his neck, and he breathed in. Tonight, he would sneak away to practice his firebending. Maybe that would calm his nerves. 

“I can’t believe it!” a high-pitched voice chirped. Oh no, he couldn’t stand one more moment of social interaction. One more chit-chat and he would set the place aflame. Quickly, he hopped behind a pillar, crouching lower as the voice approached. 

“Prince Zuko is so handsome!” 

. . . . . . . . 

A sharp laugh cut him off. “Yeah, right. _That_ happened.” 

“Would you shut up and let the guy tell the story?!” Toph yelled. 

“Excuse me? Did you just tell me to _shut up_?!” 

Sensing an opportunity to get back at his sister for the sandal incident, Sokka chimed in, “She did, and she’s right. Stop interrupting!”

Katara leapt up into an offensive bending stance. “Since when do you take her side?”

“Since I was right, which I am.”

A heavy exhale from Aang--Zuko had never realized just how much practice he got at playing peacemaker. “Guys, please. If you keep fighting, we’re never going to hear the ending.” 

_“...fine.” _

“FINE.”

“Fine.”

Clearing his throat, Zuko tried to remember where he’d left off. “As I was saying…” 

. . . . . . . . 

“Prince Zuko is so handsome! Even with the scar.” 

Daring to peer around the smooth stone of the pillar, Zuko held his breath. Two women, around Azula’s height, were standing with their backs to him. Both had dark brown hair, one in a plait, the other’s cut just above her shoulders. 

“It’s such a shame he’s married now,” a second voice agreed, this one deeper with a slight lisp. Something about it was strangely familiar, but at this point he’d spoken to so many nobles and officials, it was impossible to put a face to the sound. 

“Yes, and so soon after his return.” A sniff. “Prince Zuko must be an incredibly powerful firebender, to marry someone from a non-bending family. I wonder what lengths the governor went to to ensure the match.” 

“Oh, he didn’t do much.” The shorter hair girl dragged her companion closer, whispering loudly behind one hand. “I heard it wasn’t arranged at all. Kizumi told me her secretary knows one of the Prince’s crew members, and he swears the two of them have been sending secret love letters back and forth since his banishment! Of course her parents found out and tried to bury the scandal.” 

A gasp, followed by an explosion of giggles.

“They had to send her all the way to Fire Fountain City*** to stop them from writing. But when Prince Zuko returned, he insisted that they pick up where they left off. Kizumi said he even begged his father on his hands and knees to approve the match!”

“Really? And Firelord Ozai allowed it?”

“I guess so!” Another explosion of giggles. 

Zuko couldn’t blame them for finding it funny. The story was absolutely laughable. Any letters between him and Mai during his banishment would have been more than a scandal, they would have been an act of treason. Furthermore, why on earth would his first order of business upon returning to his homeland be to beg his father for a marriage blessing? Sixteen wasn’t an unheard of age for young brides and grooms, but it certainly was on the younger side. 

Leave it to the rumor mill to rewrite an awkward truth as some romantic epic. 

Silence made him realize that he was alone, and he slipped out from behind the pillar. At the end of the hallway, he could see a familiar mustached face approaching. 

“Sh---Sa--excuse me!” He really had to find out the man’s name. 

“Prince Zuko!” The servant started, then bowed. “Congratulations on your union, your highness. I’m sure you and the Princess Consort will be very happy.” 

“Thank you.” He didn’t count on it, but it was a nice sentiment anyway. And it was nice to hear someone finally mention Mai in their well wishes. “Speaking of my...my wife. Have you seen her? Do you know where she went?” 

“She was taken back to the guest chambers, to write a letter to her father. He will be pleased to hear the ceremony has been completed.” The man bowed again, avoiding his gaze. “As soon as the ink has dried, we will begin the process of moving her into your rooms.”

“What? No, that’s not necessary.” Redness colored his cheeks. The armor felt uncomfortable pressing against his chest, and the rich cloth of his robes clung to his skin. “I don’t...she doesn’t need to move.”

Straightening up slightly, the man stared at him with wide eyes. “As you wish, sir.” 

Nodding, Zuko made to return to his chambers. The weight of his clothes made him feel like he was going to collapse. Forget his plans to practice bending; he was going to change and take a nap instead. 

He was halfway down the hall when he heard a faint, “Your Highness?” 

Calloused hands wrung one wrist, then the other. Even from a few feet of distance, Zuko could see the man’s shoulders shaking. 

“Forgive my impudence, but...I noticed the Princess Consort did not partake in any sustenance during the festivities. Also...her handmaidens have informed me that the breakfast tray brought to her this morning was left untouched.”

What? He had been too busy eavesdropping on Azula and Ty Lee’s conversation during dinner to watch what Mai had been doing. All that food--surely there had been something she liked available. “She hasn’t eaten _anything_?”

“Forgive me, but I thought you would want to know.” The servant shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. 

“Yes. Thank you for telling me.” After skipping both breakfast and dinner, she would definitely hungry by now. But then, maybe she wasn’t feeling well. Was that why she’d disappeared with Ty Lee and Azula afterwards? He’d thought she just hated socializing. If she was sick, he forgave her for abandoning him to deal with the crowds alone. 

Maybe he should do more than just forgive her. Last night he’d promised to be her friend, and he meant it. There must be something he could do. Which tea had Uncle proclaimed the perfect solution for an upset stomach? 

Ginger. Mai liked ginger, he remembered that. Specifically, she had enjoyed the candied ginger slices they’d shared as children. During hide and seek games, passing the bag between them in an effort to finish the contents before Azula discovered them and snatched the sweets away for herself. But that had been a long time ago, what if her tastes had changed? 

If they had, he’d just have to risk it. 

“Have the kitchens brew some ginger tea for her.” He tried his best to sound knowledgeable and wise. 

The attempt worked: the shoulders stilled immediately. “Of course, your Highness. The handmaidens will deliver it at once.” 

Before he could even think it through, the words “I’ll bring it,” fled from his mouth. 

A moment of silence, then a slow nod. “Yes, sir.” 

A flash of inspiration struck him. If he was already taking one risk, he might as well take another. “Oh, and one more thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Among both the Fire Nation nobility and the common people, a wedding is traditionally an extensive, celebrated event. Attendees wear formal garments, with women favoring red-and-white gowns, though those worn by nobles are far more elaborate and expansive than those of the commoners. There is an even greater difference among grooms, with nobles favoring expansive red-and-black clothing while commoners wear red-and-white attire similar to their brides.
> 
> **As the geography of the Fire Nation is apparently inspired by Iceland, I felt it would make sense for them to practice the handfasting custom. This also acts as a metaphor for outside forces binding Mai & Zuko together, and then giving the universe (or spirits) the responsibility to decide whether they are bound for life or not. 
> 
> *** This is the city where Toph scammed people in "The Runaway". 
> 
> AUTHOR NOTE:
> 
> Hey everyone! This update is a little short, but don't worry--the next chapter will be coming in a week. We are following the general pattern of how episodes in Season 2-3 transpire (with some changes of course). If there's something that happens in a certain episode that you really want me to reference or if you spot a reference that you're happy I included, feel free to mention it in the comments below. :) Also if you just wanna squee about Maiko, Sukka, or Kataang, I will always respond to those comments as well!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko spends some time with his new bride.

_“What?” _

She was still in her wedding finery, but the gold pins that had adorned her hair had disappeared, as had the sash around her waist. The blank face had returned, but her tone was anything but emotionless. Still, an unhappy Mai was better than a complete lack of response--it had taken him three knocks before she’d answered, and even then, he’d had to announce himself by name. 

The guest rooms in this section of the palace had no windows, or else he would have assumed she’d made a rope out of bedsheets to escape. It was a difficult feat, but hardly impossible--years ago, Azula had dared Ty Lee to make an attempt during a particularly boring summer night, and the acrobat had made it all the way to the ground before anyone had noticed. When his father had found out, he’d ordered the guards on watch that night demoted to the Fire Nation Army as punishment. Their replacements were bound to more observant. 

The tea tray felt heavy in his hands, and he readjusted his hold on it, letting his thoughts disintegrate. “Are you feeling alright? They told me you aren’t eating.” 

A sigh that seemed to pull itself all the way from her toes was the reply. Shoving the door further open, she retreated. 

Looking left to right and seeing no one, he followed her in. One soft kick of his foot, and the door swayed almost shut, but not quite. Slamming the door would definitely attract some attention outside, and he didn’t see any reason to close it fully anyway. All he wanted was to create a semblance of privacy; not to trap her. 

The guest chambers were comfortable and spacious, albeit not grand enough for someone married to a member of the royal family. Dark furniture framed the rich red walls, leaving the middle of the room empty. If Mai had brought a trunk of belongings or any personal items, they were well hidden. Against the far wall was a four-poster bed veiled in a gauzy maroon canopy with matching sheets. To the far right, two shoji screens printed with flying dolphin fish blocked his view of what he assumed was the bathing area. The thought made him blush, and he busied himself with arranging tea cups. 

“Who told you I wasn’t eating?” 

“It’s not important.” Even if he’d known the mustached man’s name, he doubted she did. 

“I guess not. It was a dumb thing to do.” 

So she wasn’t sick. He set the tea tray on top of a pai sho table stationed against the wall next to the door. “I don’t think so. After I--after my banishment, I didn’t feel much like eating. It took Uncle a few days to convince me. It was weird, because I didn’t do it because I wasn’t hungry. Actually, I was starving. I just...couldn’t, for whatever reason.” 

Mai said nothing. Of course she didn’t--what was she supposed to say, when he’d brought up such a bleak subject? Maybe he should just stop talking altogether. 

Without windows, the room relied heavily on candlelight. Unlike the elegant tapered candles that framed the main hall of the palace, these were built for utility rather than aesthetic: large and squat, like wax coconuts. How a nonbender like Mai could possibly light so many every evening, he couldn’t guess. Someone had to do it for her, didn’t they? Molding along the walls acted as a sort of shelving for these candles, and as his gaze followed it along the edges of the room, he noticed something strange. There, almost directly across from where he now stood. Six tiny pricks of gold lodged in the wood, in a perfectly straight pattern.

The pins from her hair. 

“They confiscated my knives when they dressed me this morning. I had to improvise.”

Running one finger along the smooth edge of the tea tray, Zuko hid his frown. “I’m sorry. I’ll make sure no one takes them from you anymore.” 

“It’s alright. After dinner, Azula and I went to the armory and she had them returned.” 

Something whizzed past his head, catching the wall behind him with a _fwack_. He flailed for a moment as if under siege by a wasp, before gasping. 

“Did you just throw a shuriken at me?!”

“No,” she said, sitting delicately on the bed. “I threw one at the wall.” 

“The wall next to my _head_.” 

“If I wanted to throw it at _you_, I wouldn’t have missed.” 

Her eyes met his. A heat rose in his chest--his chi, pooling there. But he didn’t feel the urge to throw a firebolt at her; so why--? Ugh, he was so out of sorts today. 

Perhaps she pitied him, because she abandoned the bed to walk over to where he stood. 

Carefully, he poured the tea into one of the cups. “Here, have some of this.” 

“What is it?” 

“Ginger. I thought you were sick, and I figured it might help.” Spirits, he was bad at this. Pouring himself a cup, he hoped silently that she hadn’t picked up a distaste for ginger in the years they’d been apart. 

Mai took a tiny sip, then wrinkled her nose. “It’s cold.” 

“Oh, let me.” Well, at least disgust was a departure from expressionlessness. She made it look beautiful, even. And at least it wasn’t the flavor of tea that had earned her displeasure. Taking her cup from her, he allowed his chi to flow through his fingers. After a moment, steam rose, and he gently held the beverage out to her. “Be careful, it might be too hot now. I’m still working on that.” 

“Thank you.” To his surprise, her eyes widened, impressed. Cool fingers brushed his as he passed the cup to her. Zuko made a mental note that once he had that trick down, the next would be to learn how to warm the hands of someone else without causing injury. 

“There’s a fruit tart, too.” _Your favorite_. “If you feel up to it.” 

From the way her eyes locked on the covered platter he spoke of, she definitely was. 

The two of them ended up settled on the floor, the tart and teapot forming a barrier between them. Mai wolfed down half the dessert and three cups of ginger, all while Zuko was still nursing his first pour. Had she always been this quick, or was it a full day’s hunger spurring her on? He would have asked, but he already had far too many things he wanted to say.

“How did you know what to do during the ceremony?” He’d felt like an idiot up there, stumbling around, not knowing when to kneel or when to get up. 

Swallowing a mouthful of dessert, she shrugged. “Etiquette lessons. My mother insisted.” 

“I’m sorry she wasn’t there today.” 

“I’m sorry your uncle wasn’t.” She reached for another bite, patting her mouth with a napkin. “It’s unfortunate that he ended up being a traitor to his country; I remember him being quite interesting.” 

That was one word for it. “Did you finish your letter to your father?”

Mai looked pointedly at the line of golden pins in the wall before giving a curt, “No.” 

He wasn’t going to judge her for that. His father had arranged the whole thing, and he barely knew what to say to him about it either. 

“They could visit, when things in Omashu calm down. I’ll ask my father to send--”

“If you think talking about our parents is the best way to seduce me into ravishing you, you’re as clueless as Azula said.”

All the color drained from his face, and he narrowly avoided knocking over the teapot. Those words were obviously Azula's, not her own. “That’s not why I’m here!”

“Then why are you here, Zuko?” She was sipping her drink as if they were discussing the weather, staring at him over the edge of the cup. “You said yesterday that you were my friend. But today, I’m your wife. Do you really think there’s room for both now?”

“Yes.” he said, not even bothering to hesitate. 

One perfectly-groomed eyebrow arched, then relaxed. “If you say so.” 

They finished off the tart in silence, and then the tea as well. He piled the dirty teacups, teapot, and platter back onto the tea tray. When the handmaidens arrived to attend to her in the morning, he explained, they would dispose of the mess. Still, she said nothing. He was beginning to worry that she would never speak another word to him, that maybe he should just leave her for the night...

Until her arm slid under his, landing just underneath the muscle. “Hey.”

Mind whirling, he tried to respond. What came out was a weird noise he’d never made before, and hoped he never would again. 

Mai leaned forwards. They were so close. Close enough to notice that the paint on her lips had faded to pink, and that her hair smelled like cherry blossoms. 

“I’m glad you’re back,” she whispered. 

The heat of her hand against his sleeve was a strong contrast to the coldness of her fingers earlier. What an enigma she was. He wanted to pull her closer, test the temperature of the rest of her against him. Find out how long it would take for his body heat to match hers.

Thankfully, he hadn’t lost _all_ of his wits. Instead of acting on impulse, he cleared his throat and said, “Can I see you tomorrow?”

An unplaceable emotion fled across the features of her face. One blink, and it had vanished. “Azula invited me to breakfast. But...afterwards.”

“Afterwards,” he agreed. 

She let go, but didn’t look away. “We can go to the pond. See if anything’s changed.”

A lot had changed, but she knew that. “Okay.”

“Okay.” 

He left her, then, before she could see the smile blooming on his face. He wasn’t like her. He didn’t have a safe place inside him where he could store away all his feelings. 

As he collapsed into bed that night, he wondered if maybe someday, she would teach him how to make one. 

. . . . . . . . 

Everything about the pond looked like it had been frozen in time since the last time he’d seen it: the trees, the grass, the fish chasing each other under the waters. Even the turtleducks seemed unchanged, although he knew the babies trailing after their mother must be the next generation. A breeze ruffled the leaves on the tree above him, sending a few of them whirling down to meet his feet. This place--it was like the last tranquil corner of the world, unbothered by the war raging just on the other side of the palace walls. Like a scene in a painting. 

A painting the artist would have surely left him out of. Sitting here, it felt like he didn’t belong. Like he was the only thing that was different. 

He’d elected to wait for Mai, rather than escorting her from breakfast. This decision was entirely thanks to his talk with Azula this morning, after she’d caught him scoping out the area for their walk. At first, he’d been confident that he’d outwitted her, but with every minute that passed, he became more and more positive that he’d screwed it all up. At this point, there was more anxiety flowing through his veins than blood. Yes, he’d decided against mentioning the healing water, but his sister must have found his concerns suspicious.* Seeing her, even for only a brief moment, was too risky…

“What are you thinking so hard about?” 

“Mai!” Sputtering, he rose to his feet. “Uh, nothing important.”

“Oh?” Her eyelids lowered in disbelief, a sharp swipe of kohl outlining the curve of each lash-line. She looked less like a bride and more like a regular teenage girl today, clad in the black robes from the night they’d talked in the hallway. Her hair was up in an ox horns hairstyle**, her face free of makeup save for the eyeliner. 

“You look...nice,” he said, immediately regretting his choice of adjective. 

“Wow, thanks.” 

They stood there for a moment, Zuko debating whether to apologize or change the subject and Mai staring at him expectantly. Finally, she broke the silence with a sigh. 

“I’m bored. Can we walk around now?” 

“Of course!” Remembering his manners, he offered her his arm. To his surprise, she took it, fingers curling around the fabric of his sleeve. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see that her nails had been painted black.*** Had they been like that yesterday, and he just hadn’t noticed? No, the ceremony had involved quite a bit of hand-holding, he definitely would have picked up on that detail. 

As they continued down the path, he noticed her gaze drifting to the guards stationed along the palace corridors. 

“I’m still getting used to that too,” he said, careful to keep his voice low so as not to offend any of their audience. “It’s been a while since I’ve had that many people watching my every move.” 

“Has it,” she replied coolly. Still, her hold on his arm tightened. 

They took a turn at the far edge of the pond, Zuko pointing out the turtleducks as they swam. 

“How was breakfast with Azula?” he asked, hoping she’d chalk it up to politeness instead of sussing out his worry. 

Another sigh, a deeper one this time. “We talked. She had a lot to say about the Avatar and his team.” She turned to him, unblinking. “She said you were the one who killed him.” 

“She did?” That was odd. Azula would rarely turn down an opportunity to boast about her achievements, and she would never do so in an attempt to hand him the credit. 

“I didn’t tell her what you said to me last night, about it being you two together.” She looked away, then. “I assume the Firelord has already heard her version.” 

“I’ll bet.” Even though he didn’t know exactly how, Azula was causing trouble. She had to be. But he couldn’t do anything about that now, he’d have to wait and confront her later about why she had lied. 

Wait a minute--did Mai think he had lied to her? 

“Mai, I--” 

“There’s really no reasoning with her.” A pebble met the toe of her shoe, skipping ahead of them. “It seems she’s determined to take this personally.” 

“Take what personally?” 

Apparently when it came to looking at him like he was an idiot, she was more than happy to let the mask fall. “This.”

“What?” 

She smoothed the features of her face into a blank expression, but he could hear her gritting her teeth. “What Azula and I talk about is between us. But, since she lied to my face this morning, I will make an exception. Your sister is under the impression that the Firelord chose me to be your wife because I am her...friend.” 

“She thinks WHAT?!” Too loud--he whipped around to see if the guards had heard. If they had, it was clear they hadn’t thought anything of it; none of them had even moved.

“But...that doesn’t make any sense. She has nothing to do with this!” Of course his sister would find a way to twist his marriage in her mind so that it was all about her. As usual, she was wrong. His father had chosen Mai because...well, he didn’t exactly know why, but it certainly didn’t have anything to do with Azula. 

“According to her logic, it was between me and Ty Lee." Mai deadpanned. “Lucky you.” *^* 

It was a silly notion, but he wished he could have seen what her reaction had been when Azula had announced such an outlandish theory. Had she been able to conceal her shock? Or had she dropped her pai sho face, expressing her feelings openly? 

A seed of jealousy sprouted within him at the idea of his sister getting to see a side of Mai he hadn’t yet coaxed out of hiding. He hated to even think it, but what if Azula was right? 

He’d never thought much about Mai’s relationship with his sister, but maybe he should have. Based on what she’d said earlier about keeping their conversations private, there was still some semblance of loyalty there. Loyalty that she hadn’t promised him whatsoever, despite his assurance that he would treat her well. So she’d believed him about killing the Avatar--that wasn’t surprising. The original stipulations about regaining his honor were to capture him and bring him back alive. Assuming that Azula had let her wrath get the better of her was only sensible, especially if Mai knew her as well as it appeared she did...

The other night, he’d promised to be a friend to Mai. He’d forgotten that Azula had already done so long before.

“Do you think she’s right?” he hissed, slipping his arm out of her grasp. 

“It doesn’t matter what I think.” Almost immediately, Mai placed her hand in the crook of his elbow once more. As if he’d done it by accident instead of on purpose! And then, she actually had the audacity to _roll her eyes_ at him! 

“So you agree with her.” The anxiety in his veins had been replaced with rage, flowing through his body like lava. Grumbling, he tried to shake her away. 

“Calm down. The guards are going to eavesdrop if they think we’re talking about something important.”

“This is important!” he seethed. Everything in him was screaming for him to run, to shut himself up somewhere to firebend all his anger away. But it was like a trickster spirit had knotted their wedding ceremony ribbon around their arms, and she remained at his side as he waddled down the path, into the grass. 

_“Zuko.”_ Digging her thumb into the side of his arm, Mai leaned in so close, the ends of her bangs brushed his brow. “Stop it.” 

“Why?!” he barked back. He looked like a spoiled child having a tantrum, and he knew it. So what? As far as she was concerned, he was just the brother of Princess Azula. All the memories he had of them as children, she didn’t share them. He was a stranger to her. 

“You’re going to get us in trouble.” Grasping his shoulder with her other hand, she twisted his body to face her. “Zuko, I _know_.”

“Know what?” His volume lowered a bit, but he still struggled to back away. 

“I know this isn’t about Azula. Or, not completely. But Azula can’t _see_ that.” Gently, her hand moved from his elbow to his cheek, the flesh of her thumb resting on the edge of his scar. 

Instinctively, he snatched it away, fingers folding easily around her wrist. “Don’t.” 

From the way her mouth twisted, he expected her to slap him. Or stab him, deep in the stomach with one of the sharp pointy things she most likely had hidden in her dress. Maybe turn on her heel and stalk off to her room, leaving him here to face the guards’ pitying and confused looks. Tattle to Azula, or her handmaidens, or perhaps even his father himself.

Instead, she tucked her hands into her sleeves, arranged her face into a calm expression, and said, “Come with me.” 

Wordlessly, he allowed her to lead him through the grass to the other side of the clearing. As they edged closer to the palace wall, he felt his stomach drop.

The fountain. 

. . . . . . . . 

“Wait, what’s the deal with the fountain?” Suki asked. The Kyoshi Warrior had busied herself with giving Toph a massage, her fingers expertly working the knots out of the earthbender’s shoulders. Beside them, Sokka lay flat on his stomach on the ground, Momo hopping from one foot to the other along the muscles of his back. Aang and Katara had returned to their seats beside one another--apparently doing yoga together that morning had been more than enough relaxation for both of them. 

Zuko winced. “Uh, long story short: Azula tricked us into falling into it once.”

“Did she push you guys in?” Aang’s eyes shone with innocence.

“Not exactly. She kind of put a flaming apple on Mai’s head. I tried to knock it off of her, but I overshot it, and, well...both of us ended up falling into the water.” Huh. Turns out it wasn’t that long of a story after all. 

“Gravity beats firebender,” Sokka chuckled, interrupting himself with a ‘gah!’ as Momo jumped a little too hard on his shoulder blade. 

. . . . . . . . 

“Watch your step,” Mai said, enunciating every consonant. 

The back of his neck heated, and he felt the sudden urge to stick his head under the water. “Mai, I’m--I’m an idiot.” 

“I know.” Adjusting the folds of her robes, she perched carefully on the edge of the stone structure. “Sit.” 

He did, keeping several inches between them. 

Back to not speaking, then. Would this be what made up their marriage--a series of serious conversations punctuated with bouts of silences? Failure after failure on his part? 

He remembered the gossip he’d overheard after the ceremony. The idea of him and Mai as star-crossed lovers torn apart by their circumstances had sounded ridiculous then, but now it stung, like a taunt from the spirits. They had begun their story the right way: childhood playmates, sharing candy and laughter and a single kiss. But somewhere down the line, everything had gone wrong. Probably when he’d gotten himself banished--although perhaps it was too hopeful of him to think so. After all, his greatest talent had always been ruining things. Perhaps no matter what storyline the universe had thrown their way, he still would have screwed it all up...

“What are you thinking about this time?” Mai asked again, plucking at a loose thread on her robes. Shuffling closer, she bumped his shoulder with her own. 

He didn’t have it in him to lie. “How we ended up this way.” 

“The ceremony is over. We can’t do anything about it now.” 

“No, not being married.” Gah, he sounded so stupid. “I just wish we could go back to when we were kids. Back when everything was easy, and we could spend time together without fighting, and you’d say you liked me better than Azula.” 

Something in her face changed. “You remember that?” 

“Mai, I remember everything.” Words poured off his tongue like he’d been holding them back for years, even though he was pretty sure this was the first time he’d tried to tell her. “I remember the ginger candies, and the bows in your hair, and how your mom always got mad at you for not saying hi to me right away. I remember when you got your first knife from your uncle for your birthday, and Azula was so jealous. She said weapons were for stupid people, who didn’t have any bending. I remember you let her try throwing it anyway, even though her saying that probably hurt your feelings.”

He stood to pace back and forth, not caring if the guards saw. They were going to figure out he was insane sooner or later, might as well be now. 

“I remember us falling into the fountain, how mad you were. You were always so cute when you were mad. I remember you avoided me for days after that. I was so worried you weren’t my friend anymore. You were my only friend, even though you were Azula’s friend first. But you told me you liked me better than her, that you decided you did. And then, we…” 

_Apple blossoms. Tawny eyes. A slightly sweaty hand, tucked into his._

“I remember you kissed me. Before I could work up the nerve to kiss you first.” The weight of the memory forced his shoulders down, and he resumed his seat. “You were always braver than me.”

“I remember you too.” 

Startled, he looked up, and almost fell backwards at the intensity of the gaze she’d turned on him. The mask was still firmly fixed over her face, but it appeared that she’d carved out holes over the eyes. 

“Don’t look so surprised.” She spoke quietly, trailing her hand along the fountain’s waters. “I thought about you a lot. Life was boring, and there wasn’t much else to think about. When Tom Tom was born^*^, my dad said we were going to visit the palace, so your family could meet him. I thought I was finally going to see you again. But then word got out about the banishment, and my mother said I shouldn’t think about you anymore.” 

Removing her hand, she wiped it along her robes. A sheen of moisture lingered on the skin, the sunlight painting her fingers gold. “I still spent time with Azula, but we didn’t talk about you. My dad tried to distract me by dragging me to meetings and dinner parties. I hated it. After that, it was easier to let everyone think I’d forgotten.”

“Did you miss me?” His mouth felt dry, but he forced the words out. 

“I think so.” 

A flurry of fireworks burst in his chest. “I think I missed you too.” 

The confession seemed to embarrass her--she tore her eyes away and hunched over. As she leaned forward, the tips of her ears emerged from the veil of her hair. Zuko noticed they were much pinker than usual. 

Maybe it was time to change the subject. He wasn’t his sister; humiliation was hardly the goal here. Not that he had any clue what his goal was. “What did you do before you came here? Ty Lee said you weren’t in Omashu with your family. Where were you, then?” 

She’d opened her mouth to reply, but before she could, a clap of thunder rang out. 

“It’s going to rain any minute. We should head back inside.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUTHOR'S NOTES:
> 
> * - This is the conversation we see in “The Awakening”, although instead of Zuko saying he doesn’t want to see his father at all, he says that he is nervous to talk with him about what happened at Ba Sing Se. (As he has obviously already interacted with him).  
** - This is what the traditional Chinese hairstyle is called, doesn’t look like horns to me but whatever.  
*** - In the ATLA series, Mai is the only character to wear nail polish, favoring black. If you think she painted them because this is a date, you are absolutely correct.  
*^* - This is 100% not the case. Ty Lee was never being considered for Zuko’s wife. I promise.  
^*^ - Zuko has been searching for the Avatar for two years, and Tom-Tom appears to be around two years old. At this point Mai would have been thirteen and Zuko fourteen, so it would have been 3 ½ - 4 years since they’d last seen each other. 
> 
> ALSO, regarding the rain at the end of the chapter: This is the same storm we see at the end of “The Awakening” episode, so that is where we are in the season timeline.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After getting advice from an unlikely source, Zuko is more confused than ever.

“So...what now?” Mai asked. Her tone sounded like she really didn’t care to hear the answer, but she hadn’t invented an excuse to leave, and that seemed like a good sign. 

“I don’t know. There’s nowhere I have to be.” He thought about adding 'other than with you', but quickly abandoned the idea. There was no way he could pull it off. “Is my sister going to pop up and drag you away?”

The corner of her mouth twitched. “No. After breakfast she went to inspect her new warship from your father. She said she’d be gone most of the day.”

Huh. A week ago, a new warship would have seemed a fitting welcome home present to him. Too generous, even. But after all that had happened, it almost seemed small, disappointing. Even more puzzling, the Firelord had chosen their gifts before Azula had lied that it had been him alone who had vanquished the Avatar. Was a warship for a dutiful daughter the equivalent to a wife for a redeemed son, in his father’s eyes?

A flame of fear spiked in his heart, and he shook the thought away. Of course not. Arranged marriage aside, Mai was still a _person_. Even if his father had mistakenly objectified her, surely he didn’t equate her with a floating hunk of metal!

The intentions behind the act had been good. His father loved him, had loved him enough to offer a chance for him to regain his honor and return home.* His father had loved him so much, he had known that Zuko wanted to see Mai again, even though he had never told him so. And the Firelord was wise--wise enough to recognize that Mai would be happy as the future Fire Lady. Far happier than she would be as the daughter of a governor in the colonies. 

No, the simple truth was that he had been the favorite this time. Azula had finally lost, and he had won. Perhaps she even knew it herself…

“You’re right, we should just stand here in the hallway all day. That’s not boring at all.”

Looking up, he started at the sight before him: Mai, chipping at the nail polish of one thumb with a sharp-looking object. 

“Where did _that_ come from?”

“Where do you think?”

_Well_. A blush crawled up his neck. Her sleeves. She meant her sleeves. Not anywhere else--though, after having her weapons confiscated once already, he wouldn’t blame her if she chose to hide them a little more creatively--no, stop that! 

Coughing, he managed to ask, “How many of those are you carrying right now?”

The question must have contained a secret password of some kind, or perhaps she found his inability to keep his cool amusing. Whatever the case, Zuko was definitely unprepared for what happened next: 

She smiled. 

It wasn’t a big smile. Her lips remained closed, shielding her teeth from view, and the skin around her eyes remained smooth. But a smile it was, and it was as glorious as he hoped it would be. 

“Thirty-four.” 

“A nice...even number.” Was it? Yes, it was. Spirits, he was out of sorts _again_. What was this girl _doing_ to him? 

Flipping the blade around one finger and catching it easily in her palm, she held it out to him. “Here.”

The blade felt cold and smooth against his cupped hands. Heavier than he’d thought it would be, although it weighed only about half as much as a teacup. It was a triangle shape, about the length of his middle finger, with a small hole in the base. The metal was shiny, so much so that he could see his scar in the reflection. 

“Wow.” He handed it back to her, their fingers brushing for a moment. His hands were warm, a side effect from his bending, and calloused after being on the road for so long. As he’d learned during the tea party in her room, her fingers were cold--although now that he looked closer, he realized she had some callouses too. Unlike his, hers were faded and smooth, as if some had tried to buff them away. “It’s beautiful. Uh--the blade, I mean.” 

“Thanks.” Her smile had been replaced with a casual expression, and she slid the weapon into the folds of her robes. Near her hip--so he’d been right that it wasn’t her sleeves. Thirty-four was a lot of blades to carry, and Mai wasn’t a very large girl. How did she have enough space to hide them all? Wasn’t she afraid the sharp edges would rip the fabric of her dress, or cut into her skin if she moved the wrong way? In fact, why didn’t her weapons make noise, or fall to the ground as she walked? 

He wanted to ask her, to spend the day having her explain the ins and outs of this strange phenomenon. But she probably didn’t have a lot of secrets left. Maybe she wanted to keep some answers for herself. 

“Did you give up the broadswords**, after you left?”

“Uh…” Looks like he was the only one deciding to hold back on the questions today. “I used them pretty often, actually. A lot of the places where I searched for the Avatar weren’t Fire Nation friendly. I couldn’t use my bending everywhere I went.” 

Her eyes glinted like he’d produced another fruit tart for her to devour. “I see.” 

“I could show you how I use them, sometime. If you want.” It felt stupid coming out of his mouth--Mai was clearly well-versed in weaponry. Probably more so than he was. She definitely didn’t need his tutelage. “Or, you could show me yours. How to USE yours, I mean--your _weapons_, ah--forget it!” 

The urge to run was upon him again, but before he could sputter an excuse to bolt, she’d taken ahold of his arm. Apparently she’d learned from their tiff in the garden that a firm grip was recommended when he got this way. 

“I haven’t seen the gallery yet.” she announced calmly, eyes flicking pointedly to the servants scrubbing the floors at the end of the hall. 

Oh. Of course. They’d have to find a more private space before she could start throwing sharp objects without any trouble. Yes, she was his wife now, but even that wouldn’t stop someone from causing a commotion over the impropriety of it all.

“Me either,” he said, relaxing his arm into her hold. “I hear some new artists were brought on over the past few years. Maybe they finally added something other than just Firelords and dragons.” 

To his delight, she smiled again--smaller than the first time, but no less glorious. 

“We’ll see.” 

. . . . . . . . 

“Wow Zuko. I didn’t know you were so good at talking to girls.” Aang perched his elbows on Katara’s shoulders, the blue tattoos that snaked up his forearms glowing in the dimming firelight. At some point during the story, he had shifted to sitting behind her so he could braid her hair in the traditional Water Tribe style. She rarely wore it like that these days, choosing instead to keep it loose. How exactly the Airbender had learned to braid despite his own lack of hair was a mystery to Zuko...maybe he’d practiced on Appa? 

“I wouldn’t say good...” Suki tossed another log onto the flames. “But you guys do sound pretty cute together.”

A “bleh!” came from the other side of the fire, where Toph lay atop a dirt pile she’d bended into a cot. “I could do without all the lovey-dovey stuff!”

“Lovey-dovey? They haven’t even kissed!” Sokka gave Suki a peck on the cheek to illustrate his point. Giggling, she returned the favor. 

“Wait.” Aang threw Zuko a pitying look. “Don’t tell me you guys never kiss at all?” 

“Don’t make him spoil the ending!” 

“You’re the one who brought up kissing!” 

“I want to know where she was when your sister came to the governor’s house in Omashu. We definitely would have seen her there if she was home.”

“Ooh yeah, did you ever find that out?” 

“Forget that. Does she ever show you how to throw those knives?”

“Okay, okay. Hold on.” It was silly, but he felt a thrill of delight that they had all taken such an intense interest in his story. He just hoped he was doing Mai justice--that was why he’d agreed to tell his tale in the first place, after all. So they would understand and appreciate her.

The thrill cooled into something closer to guilt. The story wasn’t just a series of moments where Mai had been strong, and beautiful, and smart, and brave. It was a reminder of every time he had let her down, every missed opportunity. Every apology he had swallowed in favor of his own pride, every second he’d allowed misplaced loyalty to his father threaten her safety and happiness. What’s more, talking about Mai reminded him how much it had hurt to leave her behind at the Boiling Rock. He should have fought harder to save her. Maybe he could have reached her in time, before the guards had taken her away. Between him and Sokka, they could have formed a plan to trick Azula into letting her go--maybe he could have pretended to offer himself as a hostage and then spirited her away to safety? It would have been a risky move, of course. Aang needed him still as a firebending teacher, and going back for her would have endangered everyone else in the process. But the further along he got in the story, the feeling that he should have tried anyway grew stronger and stronger. 

“Earth to Zuko!” A clump of soil landed on his forehead. 

“Huh? Oh, sorry. So, the gallery. There were a bunch of guards watching over the art pieces, so we couldn’t talk as freely as I wanted to. But it was nice…” The memory tugged a smile from his lips. “Mai found something she hated about almost everything we looked at.”

Aang and Katara shared a confused stare before Aang spoke up. “That’s...a good thing?”

“Well, yeah. She was right, anyway. A lot of the pieces were sort of ugly...” 

. . . . . . . . 

It was hard to explain, but he liked that Mai didn’t feel the need to pretend that the ornate golden sculptures and dramatic paintings of Firelords past impressed her. Furthermore, it gave him a sense of pride that she’d shared her true opinions...not that he had been able to do the same. One would think that as the Crown Prince, he would have the right to say how he felt. But propriety was a prison even the nobility couldn’t avoid--no, not ‘even’, _especially_ the nobility. As the governor’s daughter and now future Fire Lady, Mai understood that more than anyone. Yet she’d still wrinkled her nose at the ostentatiousness of his grandfather’s portrait, scoffed at an error in the water-color rendering of the Capital City from an aerial view, and rolled her eyes at the original _Love Amongst the Dragons_ script preserved beneath a sheet of glass. 

“This one is okay,” she sighed as they stopped in front of a jade sculpture of two dragons. The bodies of each animal curved up and around before twisting down so that they faced each other in what looked to be an eternal staring contest. The details of the piece were incredible: tiny scales and striped patterns, flared nostrils framed by thick whiskers, forked tongues emerging from bared teeth. Ferocity frozen in time, immortalized. 

“It was a gift to Uncle from my great-grandfather. When I was little, Lu Te--uh, my cousin convinced me they were real dragons who roamed the palace at night when everyone was asleep. I used to sneak in when the guards weren’t watching and stare at it, to see if I could catch them moving.” 

“Did they?” Mai asked. Although she wasn’t smiling, the glint in her eyes gave her away.

“Of course.” he teased, feeling bold. “But don’t tell Azula. She’d love to steal Uncle’s dragon slayer title.” 

As suddenly as if she’d been pushed forwards, Mai leaned in close. Their ears brushed, and Zuko almost yelped at the proximity. So much for boldness. 

“Be careful.” she whispered. “Don’t let them hear you talk about your uncle so much.”

Truth be told, he’d been thinking about Uncle a lot. Wondering how a man who had once been so wise and upright had chosen the wrong path. How he could have betrayed his country after spending so many years ensuring its success. How after all the two of them had survived together, they’d ended up on opposing sides. Heck, how Uncle had ended up on the same team as the Avatar, and Zuko on the same team as Azula. 

Not that he was feeling guilty, of course. It was just that he’d gotten used to having Uncle around, with his stupid tea and stupid proverbs and stupid disregard for urgency. But Mai was right--as understanding as his father was, he might view any semi-frequent mention of Uncle as a cause for concern. And if Azula caught wind of it, she’d definitely convince their father Zuko had meant it as some kind of insult. 

“Sorry,” he muttered, pulling away. Arms crossed behind his back, he stood up straight and tried to look princely. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Mai studying him. Her lips parted, and she averted her gaze back to the statue. 

“I don’t hate it.” she said quietly. 

Zuko sighed. “Me either.” 

. . . . . . . . 

Once again, Azula had “invited” Mai to breakfast, leaving him alone for the morning. As irritated as he was, it was probably for the best. Despite the warning from the day before, he couldn’t stop obsessing over Uncle. Nightmares about the events of Ba Sing Se had roused him from his sleep several times during the night, and he could tell from his manservants’ concerned looks from that the evidence was written all over his face. He was losing it--he’d even walked all the way to the prison just to turn around and go back home, for Agni’s sake!*** 

Rubbing the undamaged side of his face with the heel of his hand, he inhaled through his nose and out through his mouth. Heat prickled his skin--he hadn’t used his bending in a while. Maybe practicing some forms would calm his nerves. 

Luckily, the clearing he’d visited the other day was empty. This time, he kept his shoes on--Uncle was a fool, and even if he wasn’t, Zuko didn’t want to risk forgetting about them again. 

Methodically, he assumed his beginning position, muscle memory moving his arms and legs from one pose to another. Each motion flowed into the next, almost like a dance. It felt good, to know what he was doing. To know which form came next, exactly how to perform it, and what would happen when he did. When he used his bending, his body listened to him. Like it trusted him to be in control. 

Sweat trickled down the side of his neck, and he grimaced. He didn’t need Uncle. He was a powerful bender with or without him, and he could handle this all on his own. 

Letting out a yell, he punched forwards with his left fist, sending a large burst of flame into the space in front of him. 

“Oh, wow!”

Breathing heavily, he made sure to turn around slowly so as not to endanger anyone like last time. To his shock, a young girl he recognized was watching him from in the corridor…

Upside down.

“What are you doing, Ty Lee?” he grumbled, rolling his shoulders forwards. 

Flipping herself out of the backbend, she let out a giggle. “Watching you, silly! I haven’t seen you firebend in sooooo long. You do it so different than Azula!” 

Of course, because Azula was a prodigy. She didn’t need to practice forms, since she had all that natural talent. If she’d been here, she’d probably have pointed out errors in his foot positioning, or made a scathing comment about his breath control. Glaring, he spat, “If you care so much about Azula, why aren’t you at breakfast with her?”

She twisted her braid into a pretzel knot, bottom lip thrust out in a pout. “She told me to go find something else to do so she could talk to Mai.” The pout quickly morphed into a wide smile. “But that’s okay! I’m sure I’ll get to hang out with them another time. The two of us had a whole adventure together where Mai couldn’t come with us, so it’s only fair.”

Yeah, that was the first word he thought of when Azula came up. Fair. 

“What did she...never mind.” It was pointless to tap Ty Lee for information about what tricks his sister was trying to play on him through secret conversations with Mai. The acrobat wasn’t known for her awareness, but she had established a reputation for being staunchly pro-Azula. Doubtless his sister had already threatened her with myriad punishments should she let any details slip. 

“Whatever.”

Drawing his hands into a defensive position, he turned away and punched forwards again, this time twisting his body sideways and kicking his foot up so it was parallel with his fists. Twin flames burst from each limb, and wisps of smoke drifted from between his knuckles into the air.*^* 

Enthusiastic applause sounded from behind him. 

“Ty _Lee_.”

“What? That was super impressive!” Bouncing from one foot to the other, Ty Lee beamed up at him. “Why are you out here where nobody can see you? Are you practicing so you can show off for Mai later?”

“What?! No!” Well, that hadn’t been his intention, anyway. Although if Mai was going to demonstrate her shuriken skills for him at some point like he’d suggested, he supposed he should plan to return the favor. 

“Aw, you can’t fool me! Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll be super into it.” The younger girl leaned against the pillar and slid downwards in a mock swoon, batting her lashes. 

As if Mai would _ever_ do that. “Don’t be silly. She’s not super into anything.”

“Yeah huh!” The pout returned. “She really likes you. Ever since you guys got married, her aura’s been a pretty purple-y color. Extra bright, not all dingy like normal.” A glimmer of mischief sparkled in her eyes, and she smirked. “I guess finally having your childhood wish come true just does that to a girl.” 

Huh. She’d said something similar last time, when they’d had their awkward reunion in the parlor. “What wish are you talking about?”

A dramatic gasp. “Zuko! Come on! You and Mai have had googly eyes for each other for, like, ever! The two of you getting married was totally destiny.”

Destiny? Oh great, now she was starting to sound like Uncle. As if he needed another reminder today. Maybe he should just go see him, get some closure. He’d have to be careful about it, so Azula wouldn’t find out. But risking that had to be better than allowing the nightmares and constant thoughts and memories to continue, right? 

“Ohhhhh, I get it!” Hands cupping her cheeks, Ty Lee looked at him like he was the runt of the baby turtle ducks--the one always trailing at the end of the pack, only a short waddle from being left behind. “You poor thing!”

“What?” Oh great, now she was going to tell everyone he was freaking out about Uncle. 

“It’s okay, Zuko. Not every guy knows how to make his lady happy. And Mai is pretty hard to romance.” She patted him on the arm, and he was so shocked, he let her. 

_“Romance?” _

“Well, she’s your wife, isn’t she?” Now she was looking at him like he was that one turtleduck to whom swimming did not come naturally--the one who immediately stuck his head down into the water and had trouble staying right side up long enough to float. “Ooh, I know! You should plan something really sweet--like a picnic or something! Then it’ll look like you know what you’re doing.” 

“A--I--what--” Had she done some kind of new chi blocking technique, one that affected his brain instead of his body? 

“No need to thank me!” Giving him a wink, she cartwheeled away, leaving him standing there sputtering in confusion.

Of course, that only lasted a few minutes before he realized how foolish he looked. He had to get out of here before someone else saw. Hurrying back to his room, he shut the door and locked it as quietly as he could. The servants rarely bothered him when he retired to his chambers during the daytime--perhaps because they were so used to not having a Fire Prince around. Still, he didn’t want to give anyone the impression that he was angry about something, otherwise mustache man might appear to inquire if he needed a snack or some tea or to send a scroll of warning with the Royal Seal attached to whoever had wronged him. 

Falling backwards onto his bed, he noted wryly that although his confusion was a welcome distraction from the same old thoughts of Uncle, it was still just as bothersome.

It was ridiculous, but maybe Ty Lee was onto something. Silken sheets slipped against the back of his neck as he readjusted, and he bit his lip.

He liked Mai, as a friend. But also as a...person. A woman person. He liked talking to her, and learning about her. He liked that she threw knives, and ate quickly, and made jokes that sounded like she was serious. He enjoyed how it had felt to walk by the pond and stroll through the gallery with her, and how easy it had been to drink tea with her on the floor of her room. He liked the color of her eyes, and how shiny her hair was, and the feeling of her long thin fingers gripping his arm through his sleeve. With his temper, having to decipher her feelings so often should frustrate him, but somehow he found the mystery intriguing. He liked it even more when he didn’t have to solve the puzzle, those rare moments when she allowed him to see beneath the barrier. 

She wouldn’t have done that if she didn’t like him too, at least as a friend. And from what Ty Lee had said, Mai did like him, as a person. Of course, she’d phrased it as something silly about auras and childhood wishes, but...yesterday, in the garden. Mai had blushed, and she’d smiled, and she’d remembered what they had been, before his banishment. 

Maybe Mai liked him too. As a man person.

But how could he know for sure? Was there a way to ask that wouldn’t ruin the tentative friendship they’d forged between them? 

Just because Ty Lee had said so didn’t mean it was true, even if she herself believed it was. Mai was so hard to figure out; Ty Lee could have easily misread the signs. Covering his eyes with his hands, Zuko groaned. Why was everything so confusing? Between his marriage to Mai and his inability to forget about Uncle, he was going crazy. 

As his hands slid back down to his sides, his palms grazed his mouth, bringing a more dangerous thought to the surface: when he and Mai had kissed that one time as children, he’d liked that. Would he like it if they kissed again now, as husband and wife? 

That’s right--Mai wasn’t just a woman person, she was a woman person who was also his wife. They were _married_. Weird as this whole mess was, there was no way to change it now. 

Would it be wrong to make the best of it?

Sitting up, he sighed. There was no question--he would have to pay Uncle a visit, to get answers about why the man had betrayed him in Ba Sing Se. Then, once that problem was solved, he would figure out how to approach Mai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUTHOR'S NOTE:
> 
> * - An Agni Kai is meant to be a fight to the death. Even just letting Zuko live would be an act of mercy on Ozai’s part (in regards to the tradition), at least in Zuko’s emotionally-manipulated mind. 
> 
> ** - According to the 2009 “Swordbending” comic officially released by Nickelodeon and Dark Horse Comics, Zuko was actually trained in broadswords by Master Piandao, Sokka’s sword-fighting teacher from “Sokka’s Master”. 
> 
> *** - This refers to the scenes from the beginning of “The Headband” (the episode appears to take place over the course of three days). 
> 
> *^* - Despite research attempts, I have found no canon or "Word of God" explanation for why firebenders can bend through their shoes/gloves without burning through fabric/metal. The only explanation I can come up with is that Zuko’s slippers are fireproof.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faced with the consequences of his choice at the catacombs, Zuko takes the initiative.

“Your Highness, are you alright?”

Of course he wasn’t. After returning from the royal prison, he’d felt the urge to head straight to the training area. It would have felt so freeing to let go, to punctuate every burst of flame with a strong curse word, to let the fire climb the edges of the stone walls until they ignited the roof and set the whole palace aflame. But of course, he couldn’t put on such a display. Questions would be asked and one way or another, his conversation with Uncle would be revealed. 

So, he had chosen to stomp down the hall to his chambers, slam the door, and pout in bed instead. A few moments later, his manservant had arrived with a platter of fruit and a concerned gaze.

Running his hands through his hair--he’d forgotten to put it up again, d*mn it--Zuko flopped onto his stomach. “I’ve just...got a lot on my mind.”

“It is my honor to serve you, sir. If there is anything I can do, just say the word.” Although a similar sentiment had passed his lips a dozen times since Zuko’s return, the mustached man’s tone had gradually shifted, his nervous desperation morphing into a dutiful calm. At first, Zuko had been relieved at the change in tone, but right now it just reminded him of Uncle. 

Ugh. Uncle. How dare he refuse to speak! How dare he turn away as though Zuko wasn’t worthy of being in his presence! He was the one rotting in a prison cell, after all.* He was the one who had chosen dirt and decay over redemption and glory. Zuko was a Prince, a hero. Uncle was just a traitor without friends or family, without title, without freedom. And with no one to blame but himself. 

The only part of the whole mess that hadn’t gone wrong was that the guards had refrained from asking where he’d run off to without an escort--although he had to admit that was more strange than lucky. Would they stay away later, during the surprise he had planned for Mai?

He hoped they would. After his failed visit with Uncle, he felt even more determined to make this evening a pleasant one. He couldn’t ruin everything today.

Well, he _could_, but he wasn’t going to. 

“S---Sh--um, hey. I actually do need help with something.” 

As if he’d been waiting for the opportunity, the man bent sharply at the waist. Even though he seemed calmer these days, he was still pretty into the bowing. “Yes, Prince Zuko?”

“Is there a way to get the guards to stop hovering everywhere?” Not a very princely way to ask, Zuko. Clearing his throat, he sputtered, “I mean…I know it’s a safety issue...and it’s not that I don’t appreciate...it’s that, uh---”

“Your Highness is one of the most powerful firebenders in the world.” The servant’s eyes jumped from the floor to Zuko’s face and then back again. “The news of your victory against the Avatar had spread across the continents, no doubt reaching the yet unconquered nations. The guards are simply a precaution for when you are…if you will forgive me for saying so...” He winced before whispering the next word: “_Vulnerable_, sir. Outside your rooms at night, when you are sick, or perhaps during any travels. Of course you possess the right to command them as you wish. If you would like a private audience, you need only say so.” 

“And they’d do it?”

The man nodded. “When your honor was restored upon your return, Prince Zuko, their loyalty to you was restored as well. Your guards live to serve you, just as I do.” 

“So, if I asked them to let me and Mai spend some time outside this evening. Alone. They would have to do it?” It was an embarrassing question, but if there was anyone to ask, it was this fellow. Based on their past interactions, the poor man would probably rather die than allow himself to judge a member of the royal family.

“Of course, Your Highness.” The man pursed his lips, the ends of his mustache drooping. “But...would that be wise?” 

“What do you mean?” Zuko could hear a twinge of annoyance souring his words. Was this man insinuating that Mai would prefer to have guards around to being with him alone? Had Ty Lee been spreading gossip amongst the help, or did everyone think he was incapable of romance?

“Please forgive my impertinence, sire!” Collapsing to his knees on the ground, the man’s hands trembled as the assumed the fist-to-palm position. “I’ll admit I questioned whether the Princess Consort would be safer within the palace walls, as she is not a bender. Now I see my own foolishness--of course with you at her side, she would be well-protected.” 

Zuko opened his mouth to explain that with her weapons returned to her, Mai hardly needed any protection outside of her own skills. Luckily, he realized at the last moment what a bad idea that was. He didn’t want them to take her knives away again, whether it was in the name of propriety or caution.

“That’s right,” he said instead, rolling off the bed to assume a more regal stance. 

“My deepest apologies, Prince Zuko. Please--if there is anything I can do to help prepare for your audience with your wife this evening, anything at all--”

Resisting the urge to help the man up off the ground, Zuko waved his hand. “No, I can handle this by myself. You can go.”

As though chased by lightning, the man scurried away, leaving the door open behind him. With a sigh, Zuko moved to close it. 

Well, so far he’d terrified his servant and received the cold shoulder from Uncle. Agni knew how he was going to offend Mai tonight. 

. . . . . . . . 

“Where are we going?” 

“You’ll see!” Feeling bold, Zuko grabbed Mai’s hand from where it rested in the crook of his elbow and guided her up the rest of the path. Everything had gone according to plan so far: after wrestling his hair into a topknot and straightening his rumpled robes, he’d spent twenty minutes scoping out the perfect picnic spot. Then, he’d picked out the softest blanket from the linen chest in his room, and instructed the palace cooks to prepare a basket of fruit and cheeses. After asking around a bit, he’d found Mai sitting in the parlor, staring at the wall. Despite some stuttering during the actual request, she’d agreed immediately to join him for a surprise outing. He suspected that she was so relieved to be rescued from boredom, she would have accepted any invitation, no matter how unimpressive. Most importantly, once they’d reached the palace walls, he had commanded the guards to leave them alone in his most inexorable Fire Prince voice. This had earned him a rare glance of surprise from his wife. 

That had been the best part, of course: the way her eyes had widened slightly, how her mouth had parted just so. She looked so beautiful when she was surprised. 

And she definitely was surprised now. Mai stared at the sight before her: the wooden picnic basket nestled in the middle of a plush red blanket, which he’d spread atop the flat rock. The hill was technically a part of palace property, but faced west, opposite the front gate.** Beyond it was vast open land, a stark contrast to the myriad of Capital City buildings that lay on the other side. If one squinted, they could spot a thin gray line in the distance just beneath the horizon, where the parameter’s watchmen camped. One could almost pretend they were on a different island altogether. 

“What is all this?” Mai murmured. 

He’d rehearsed this part, in his room. “It’s for you. What do you think?” 

She turned back to him, her face softer than he’d ever seen it. “I don’t hate it.”

Victory burst in his chest like fireworks, and he didn’t even try to hide his grin. “Let’s sit, then.” 

The sky’s colors were already beginning to deepen, and their shadows against the rocks lengthened as the sun began its descent. As the round orb dipped towards the sea, Zuko felt his heartbeat slow to a content thrum. She liked it, his surprise. He hadn’t messed it up, and now here they were. Just the two of them, with no guards in sight. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this happy. 

“It’s strange the guards left us alone.” Mai mused quietly, eyes flicking around as if searching for spies. “Although, I suppose it makes sense.” 

“Of course,” Zuko agreed, chest puffing out with pride. Opening the picnic basket, he rifled through the contents. Which items would she prefer? Maybe he should just make her a plate with a little of everything. At least she wasn’t starving herself anymore, that was good...

“The whole world knows I’m your wife by now. My name, and what I look like.” Her gaze settled on the wide expanse before them. “Where could I go?”*** 

“Go?” The apple slipped out of his hands into his lap. Why would she say such a thing? Mai had never been a fugitive. She’d never had to worry about being captured by soldiers or thrown in jail, like he had. Heck, she’d grown up with guards watching her every move, as a nobleman’s daughter. Then again, maybe she was just confused about what it meant to be royalty. She didn’t have a nervous mustached manservant to explain things, after all. “You can go wherever you want. The guards just want to protect us. Because we’re part of the royal family.” 

Keeping her eyes on the horizon, she shrugged. 

Oh no. He was losing her, somehow. Where exactly had he gone wrong? Adding a handful of berries to the plate, he tried to think of what to say next. 

What came out was, “I’m sorry.” 

To his surprise, her brow furrowed without hesitation. It was almost as if she hadn’t taken the time to decide whether to display the expression freely. “For what?” 

“The guards. I know they bother you. I--I should have told them to leave you alone sooner.” Heaving a sigh, he passed her the overflowing plate. A few leechee nuts rolled off the edge onto the blanket, but she’d collected them in her palm before he could swipe them away. 

“It’s alright.” With a flick of her thumb, one of the nuts was sent flying off the edge of the plateau where they sat. “They bother you just as much, don’t they.” 

It didn’t sound like a question, but he nodded anyway. 

Another nut soared towards the orange and pink display before them, then suddenly the rest all at once. It amazed him how easily she seemed to tire of her own amusement, how quickly boredom affected her. How was it that she hadn’t tired of him yet?

“I think they’ll give us more time alone from now on,” he said, scraping the peel of the apple with a fingernail. “The guards, I mean. Probably not when we’re by ourselves, but when we spend time together. I’ll ask--er, tell them to stay away from us.”

“Huh.” Plucking a berry from her plate, she popped it into her mouth. “I suppose we should spend time together as often as possible, then.” 

At this, he choked slightly on his apple slice. “Uh--”

“Then we can talk about things.” She nibbled delicately at a slice of cheese, seemingly oblivious to his shock. “Or I can finally show you how to use one of my knives...unless you throw a fit like yesterday.”

“I didn’t throw a _fit_\--”

“No?” The corners of her mouth quirked, and he couldn’t stop himself from smiling back. 

“No.” The boldness from earlier returned, and he added bravely, “I’d like to spend more time with you, Mai. Guards or no guards.”

“You can,” she said casually, shifting closer to lean her shoulder against his. 

Readjusting so his legs were stretched out in front of him, he suddenly felt...what was the right word? It was like that moment in the hallway with her. They’d been so close, but more than that, they’d been _alone_. Just like then, the back of his neck suddenly felt all flushed and sweaty. The hand that rested between them on the blanket itched to seek the cool touch of her fingers. Yet he also felt incredibly calm, like he had all the time in the world to sit here with her. A ridiculous sentiment, to be sure--the sunset only lasted so long, after all, and then it would be nighttime. Doubtless the guards would require they return to the palace by dark, whether to avoid danger or scandal…

Then again, what scandal? They were married, as odd as it sounded. And as far as danger went, between Mai’s knife-throwing and his bending, anyone who dared to cross them put themselves at a far larger risk. 

She’d brought them today, her knives. Some of them, at least. Even though they were hidden from view, their presence was betrayed by the way the fabric of her robes hung heavy around her sitting form. Not that he was studying her _form_, of course...besides, he could also tell by how her sleeve drooped down to her elbow when she reached over to pilfer another slice of cheese from his plate. The action exposed her pale wrist to the dimming sunlight, igniting an unusual desire in Zuko to press his lips to the skin there. 

Shaking the thought from his mind, he chose to eat another slice of apple instead. 

They finished their meal in a comfortable silence, watching the sun dive into a pool of pinkish gold. The way the light dressed his companion’s face in shadows reminded him again of the moment spent in the hallway. That seemed so long ago now, although in truth it had been a mere few days since that time. He wondered whether she ever thought about it too, or about any of the moments they’d shared since his return.

As the sky darkened to the color of a newborn flame, Mai wrinkled her nose. “Ugh. Orange is such an awful color.” 

A chuckle left him. “You’re so beautiful when you hate the world.”

The words had popped out of his mouth practically the moment he’d thought them. Immediately he blanched, sliding away from her in embarrassment. Panic rose in his throat--would she send him tumbling over the ledge after the leechee nuts she’d thrown?!

She was staring at him, her eyes wide beneath the sweep of her bangs, hands clutching the edge of her plate. Although she wasn’t gaping by any means, her jaw had lowered slightly, lips pursed in what appeared to be confusion. Tawny eyes bore into his, as if searching for an answer to a question she hadn’t asked.

Apparently her beloved mask had been left behind at the palace with the guards. Although he could not read her thoughts, it was clear she was feeling _something_. 

As if he’d beckoned her to do so, she crawled forwards. The gap he’d put between them was reduced to only a few inches, her eyes still locked on his. As she moved closer, the panic in his throat melted into want, and he couldn’t help but hold his breath. 

Their noses were almost touching now, her hands resting on either side of him. Lips parted, she exhaled as her eyes slid shut. His followed, and he leaned forward…

_“Ahem.”_

A sharp pain shot through his temple. Of course. Of COURSE. Slowly, he turned to send his sister the most murderous glare he could muster. 

“Zuko, could I have a word with you?” Azula stood with her arms folded in an authoritative stance, looking like Mai’s mother probably would have if she were here. 

“How did you know where to find us?” he growled, wondering if he should just ignore her and kiss Mai anyway. That would be a romantic thing to do, right?

“Simple. I heard you told the guards to stay away, so I went to the one place there weren’t any.” Fake sincerity sugaring her words, she turned to Mai. “Oh Mai, Ty Lee needs your help untangling her braid.” 

Ty Lee. That’s how Azula had found out--he’d bet half the kingdom on it. 

“Sounds pretty serious.” Mai deadpanned, standing. As she did so, she placed her hand on Zuko’s shoulder as if to steady herself. Perhaps he imagined it, but he felt a small squeeze before her hand drifted back to her side. 

With every step she took away from him, he felt his heartbeat quicken. She had been about to kiss him! Or, maybe she’d almost allowed him to kiss her. Was it the same thing? 

Inexperienced as he was, he had a feeling that it wasn’t the same, not at all. 

She was leaving, with hardly a complaint. Ugh, maybe he had misread the signals entirely, and she was glad Azula had interrupted them. But then, she had been the one to lean in first. If he hadn’t followed her lead, would she really have closed the gap by herself?

Well, at this rate he’d never find out. Glowering at his sister, who smiled triumphantly, he spat, “What?”

“So, I've heard you've been to visit your uncle fatso in the prison tower.”*^* 

. . . . . . . . 

Zuko scrubbed at the tear tracks running down his cheek. The back of his hand pulled at the scar tissue under his eye, but that only made him rub harder. So what if it hurt? He deserved it, didn’t he?

How stupid he had been, to visit a second time. Of course Uncle didn’t love him anymore. Just like always, he’d ruined everything, and Uncle had been the one to pay the price. Zuko couldn’t blame him for refusing to offer any comfort or advice. Not that his selfishness and betrayal meant anything now. The Avatar was alive, and if anyone found out…

What could he do? Invent some excuse to leave the palace for a few weeks to hunt the kid and his ragtag team down? It had taken him two years to find the airbender the first time. Besides, it was obvious he couldn’t succeed at anything on his own. Azula had dealt the killing blow, after all. Even if luck did allow Zuko to locate him before word got out, could he really fight the Avatar on his own and win? 

Clenching his fists, he fought back a frustrated yell. What was he going to _do?_

Moonlight lit up the stone path in front of him as he approached the palace gates. He’d made sure to wait until the late-night shift change to sneak out to the prison cells. After his conversation with Azula, he had to take extra precautions beyond just ordering the guards to leave him alone. In his dark clothes and hooded cloak, he’d appeared to be just another servant headed home after a long day’s work. No one had spoken to him or acknowledged him whatsoever--they’d all been too tired and focused on getting to their own destinations. Getting back in without being discovered, now that would be a challenge. 

Except...it wasn’t. At all. The line of stone-faced guards that usually blocked the front entrance had been reduced to two wiry men in helmets that looked to be two sizes too large. They seemed agitated--the shorter one kept grabbing the other man’s arm and pointing to the ceiling, while the other man kept kicking him and pointing to the floor. Peering around the wall next to the gate, Zuko tried to make out what they were arguing about, but couldn’t understand a word. Waiting until they were facing the other way took only a moment, and in a flash he’d snuck past them. 

The number of guards that usually stood watch along the outer corridors had also been drastically reduced, which made slipping through the shadows behind their backs pitifully easy. In the hallway inside, there didn’t seem to be any guards at all--just the shadows from the candles that had begun to burn low, causing him to squint. 

Hm. It appeared the mustached man may have overestimated the staff’s concern for the royal family’s safety.

As softly as if he were the Blue Spirit, the prince shuffled down the empty hallway to his chambers. Still no guards. Right before he turned the corner, he hesitated.

There was someone on the other side, he could sense it. From the tension in the air, they were holding their breath. Not a guard, then, or a servant. Certainly not his father. Azula would have made herself known, as would have Ty Lee. Who, then? A burglar--or worse, an assassin? 

Carefully, he moved into an offensive stance. Stepping around the corner, he pushed one arm forward, ready to fling a fireball at the intruder--

An invisible force flung his arm backwards, smacking against the wall like someone had grabbed his wrist and pressed it there. Flustered, he tried and failed to yank it away. In the hazy light, a sliver of silver glittered within the dark folds of his sleeve. 

“Mai?!”

“You shouldn’t sneak up on people like that.” There stood his wife, hair hanging loose and face free of makeup and slightly dewy, as if freshly-washed. She looked very much like she had the night they’d spoken in the shadows outside her door, except instead of her black robes, she was clad in a swath of maroon fabric tied at the waist. And...wait, was she barefoot? 

Plucking uselessly at the blade with his other hand, Zuko tried not to blush. “What are you doing?!”

“What are you doing?” Pushing his hand away, she removed the blade in one practiced motion and slipped it back into her sleeve. Apparently even when she was dressed for sleep, she still kept some of her weapons on her person. How she did so, now that was a mystery.

“I asked you first!” His thumbnail scraped at the hole her attack had left in his sleeve. Great, now he would have to figure out some explanation when he sent it out for mending later.

Mai rolled her eyes. “I’m in the palace. Like I’m supposed to be. Why are you dressed like that?”

Looking down, he cursed. No wonder she’d flung a piece of metal at him, he looked like a common thief. “Just--just get inside!” Practically shoving her into his room, he whipped his cloak over his head and balled it up under his arm before following her in. 

“What are you doing?” she asked again as he hovered, pressing his ear against the heavy wooden door. Her voice was at a perfectly normal volume level for the daytime, but an all too suspicious level for the current hour.

“Shhh!” he hissed, “The guards!”

“...are all on the northern side of the palace.” Glancing about the room, she quirked an eyebrow at the still-rumpled sheets of his bed. 

His cheeks warmed. He’d forgotten to straighten the blankets--er, have the servants straighten them--after his conversation with mustache man that afternoon. Now she thought he was a slob. “Why are they there?”

“To protect me, I suppose.” Delicately seating herself on the chaise that faced the window^, she smoothed her skirt with the palms of both hands. “I heard a _terrifying _ noise and sent them to find out what it was.” 

“Oh…” It was hard to imagine what kind of sound Mai would find terrifying. Why hadn’t she just investigated the commotion herself? From the way she’d pinned him to the wall outside just now, she certainly could have handled an intruder alone. 

“Zuko.” Whoa. She was glaring at him with...was that exasperation? Regardless, her face looked so pretty in the position: mouth twisted, eyes locked like a predator selecting its prey. 

“What?” 

A deep exhale. “I didn’t hear a noise. I wanted to see you without anyone spying on us.” 

The balled up cloak found its way to the floor. “You wanted to see me?”

“I didn’t know you were out.” Her hands abandoned her skirts to twist her hair. The curtain of black looked so smooth and shiny, and Zuko felt his jaw slacken.

“If it was just a noise, why did all the guards go?” he asked, throat dry. 

A twinge of what he guessed to be mischief played at the swoop of her lip. “I wouldn’t know. They seem on edge. Azula did mention at breakfast yesterday that a ship was reported stolen by Water Nation rebels.”^^ She released the twist of hair, letting the strands unravel before peering back up at him. “Maybe what I heard was just that dragon statue from the gallery.” 

The statue. Something in his chest throbbed. She’d meant it as an inside joke between them, and for that he adored her. But what she couldn’t have known was that the dragon statue reminded him of Uncle, and what had just happened between them at the prison cells. A mixture of frustration and despair welled up in his veins, and he swallowed heavily. 

“What’s wrong?” She stood, now, studying him carefully. A reversal, as he usually was the one deciphering out how she felt. Those amber eyes widened slightly once they reached his face. “Zuko, did you..._cry_?”

“No!” Dang it. Swiping across his cheek with his now-damaged sleeve, he blurted, “I just went for a walk. To get some air.” 

Even if she knew he was lying (and really, how could she not?) she didn’t press him further. Part of him wished she would. Despite not having a reason to trust her, despite not seeing her for years, despite her being a friend of Azula’s. Part of him begged her to fix him with that gorgeous stare and quiet voice, to use his weakness for them to coax every hidden fear out into the open. Because even though he kept just as many secrets from her as he did from everyone else, she was the only one in this place he wished he could tell everything. That the Avatar was alive, how guilty he felt about Uncle, about the overwhelming fear that he may have made the wrong choice. 

Maybe that’s why he said what he did next:

“Can I kiss you?” 

Pale as her face already was, it seemed to whiten further at his question. Her expression went blank as if flipped by a switch, and she answered, “Why?” 

He gave up the one truth he could allow himself to tell her. “Because I wanted to, earlier. During the sunset, before Azula showed up.” 

The blankness melted slightly around her eyes, and she stepped forward. “Because I’m your wife?” 

“No.” Instinct implored him to draw closer, but he held his ground. Let her come to him, if she wanted to. “Because we’re friends.”

“Do you always want to kiss your friends?” She advanced once more, only a few inches away from him now. The mask had thawed--the hesitation dusting her features was clear. 

“Mai.” Keeping his arms at his sides, he dropped his gaze to the floor. “I like--”

In a flash, her mouth met his. 

Their second kiss reminded him of their first, but it was different in a lot of ways too. This one seemed more certain, though hardly insistent. Less clumsy, if he was being honest. Mai’s hand rested against his cheek, as soft as a butterfly. Her lips were soft, too. Gentle, comforting, like a mother’s palm against the forehead of a feverish child. Unlike earlier, her hair didn’t smell like apples or cherry blossoms. The strands carried only the fresh scent of soap, which he found he didn’t mind at all. In fact, he quite liked it. How did she do it, make something as ordinary as soap seem so special? How was it that she didn’t need bending to change the nature of things?

As Mai tilted her head to the side, the edge of her thumb dragged against the puckered skin of his scar. A few days ago, the sensation would have made him push her away, but right now that was the last thing he wanted. What he wanted was the opposite: to pull her closer, until all he could taste and smell and feel was _her._

Because wasn’t the kiss itself that did it. It was her. He’d kissed another girl, after all. Jin, that one time in Ba Sing Se. She’d initiated the act, just like Mai had, but this kiss felt different. Sure, he’d been pretending to be someone else with the Earth Nation girl, but the illusion went beyond a name and backstory. With Jin, he had felt like another person too. Somehow it hadn’t felt like ‘Zuko pretending to be Lee’ & Jin, but ‘Lee’ & Jin.

Here, with Mai, he’d never felt more like himself. Better--like it was impossible for him to pretend to be someone else with her. And for some reason, he felt like if they’d met in some alternate universe, he still would. In a world where she’d seen him in Uncle’s tea shop while undercover in Ba Sing Se, hadn’t recognized him, and kissed him, she would still see him for exactly who he was. 

As he caught the soft folds of her robe in between his fingers, heat radiated from the palms of his hands. Even through the fabric, she seemed to feel it too. 

“I don’t hate you,” she breathed as she leaned out of the kiss, hands sliding down to his shoulders. There was no mask anymore. The slight pucker of her lips, the faint blush climbing up the planes of her cheekbones, the honest look in her eyes...even after so many years, he recognized it. Recognized her. 

“I don’t hate you too.” he whispered back, hands falling back to his sides. 

They stood, staring openly. It felt like the last few days hadn’t occurred at all, like this was the moment they were finally seeing each other again after so long. And yet, he wouldn’t trade one minute they had spent together that week for anything. Even the misunderstandings, and the bickering, and every time she’d strolled past him and left him standing there like a fool. 

The fool he was. Suddenly, every worry that had plagued him earlier came rushing back.

“You should go back to your room,” he admitted, fingers flexing from the desperate desire to pull her close once more. “If you wait too long, the servants are bound to notice.” 

“And if they do?” Another time, she may have asked the question in jest, or perhaps in anger. But now, it seemed as though she genuinely didn’t know the answer. 

“Azula will find out.” _Azula always finds out._ “You said that she’s taking this personally. If she knew what we--if she knew how I feel about you, she’d use it in one of her games. I don’t want this to be part of a game, Mai.” 

Biting her lip, she traced the line of his collar with one finger. “But us being married...isn’t that a game?” 

“What? No it’s not.” Despite his best efforts, a shiver ran down his spine when the pad of her finger brushed his skin. His own fingers folded around her wrist and pressed down, flattening her palm against his chest. “Azula doesn’t know what she’s talking about. But that doesn’t mean she’s not dangerous. She’s already come after me about--well, she’s already on my case about a lot of stuff. I don’t want to bring you into it.” 

Not until he’d figured out what to do about the Avatar. After that got settled, to h*ll with what Azula thought. He and his wife could watch the sunsets and talk about their childhoods and _kiss_ however often they wanted, wherever they wanted. 

“I’m already in the middle of it,” Mai scoffed. She kept her hand under his without moving to pull it away, though, which he took as a sign of understanding. 

“Just give me a day, to work out some problems. I promise, after that…” Not knowing what to promise her, he settled for bringing her hand to his mouth and pressing a kiss to her wrist. 

“Mushball.” Squinting, she withdrew her hand from his grip, but the smile pulling at her lips betrayed her delight. She’d liked that! Finally, he’d done something right! Take that Ty Lee; he could be romantic after all.

“Fine. One day. Then…” Pausing, she snuck a glance at him. Then, as suddenly as the soft kiss she’d initiated earlier, she planted a firm one on his cheek and scurried past. 

Fingers clutching the remnant of the kiss against his scar, he watched the door close behind her, his heart beating wildly. 

. . . . . . . .

“And I think that’s where I’m going to end it for the night,” Zuko yawned. 

“What?!” Sokka yelped, his exclamation interrupted by Suki’s simultaneous wail of “_That’s_ where you’re going to stop?” from her spot on his lap. 

“Boooooo!” Toph pounded her fist on the ground, sending dirt flying into the air. “Come on, Sparky, it was finally getting interesting!”

“Yeah, after all that tension, you guys finally kissed! You can’t leave it open ended like that!” Bounding forward, Aang clutched Zuko’s shirt like an overzealous beggar desperate for a passerby’s change. “Do you guys kiss again? Did your sister find out about your feelings? Did you figure out what you’re going to do about me?!”

“Hey, yeah. How exactly did you plan to handle Aang being alive?!” Gently dragging the younger boy off of him, Katara embraced Aang in a protective stance and shot Zuko a glare. “I mean, obviously it didn’t work, or we wouldn’t all be here. Still, what tricks did you try to pull on us?!”

Uh oh. That’s right, the assassin he’d sent after Aang. Yes, this definitely was a good place to stop. Stretching out his arms, he yawned again. “Listen, I really am tired. Besides, I’ve been telling this story for hours. We can just finish it tomorrow.” 

“Fine, fine, keep us in suspense.” Sokka grumbled, lurching to his feet. As he helped his girlfriend stand, he swept her hand up to his mouth with a dramatic “MWAH!” sound. “Goodnight, my gorgeous dangerous lady who smells of soap!”

Batting her lashes, Suki let out an equally dramatic gasp. “No, goodnight to _you_, handsome silly boy who I definitely don’t hate!” 

Chuckling at Zuko’s glare, the couple shared one final peck on the lips before going their separate ways, Suki hand-in-hand with Katara to their shared tent and Sokka to the same one his father had entered earlier that night. Pouting, Aang airbended himself up onto Appa’s saddle, Momo soaring after him. Toph had already enclosed herself in an earth hut. Her trademark snoring was absent, however, so she obviously wasn’t asleep yet. 

Rubbing the back of his head, Zuko stumbled over to his tent and clambered inside, collapsing face-first onto the cot. Thank goodness he’d stopped the story when he did...

. . . . . . . .

“Prince Zuko.” Bowing deeply, the mustached manservant held out the breakfast tray with so much reverence, it was like the meal had been fashioned out of gold and jewels. “I hope you rested well despite last night’s disturbance.”

At first, Zuko had blanched, wondering just how the man had known about his kiss with Mai. Thankfully, he realized what the man actually meant before blurting out a stupid response. “Oh, yes. I, uh, I heard about that.” 

“The royal guards would like me to express their deepest apologies for not being able to locate the source of the noise, sire.” Placing the tray on the side table next to the bed, the man tucked his hands into his sleeves nervously. “I must report that your wife was quite concerned also. Have you taken audience with her this morning?” 

“No. She’s at breakfast with Azula, _again_.” He didn’t even bother to hide the annoyance in his tone. It had never been a secret that his sister was territorial, but her stealing Mai away every morning was starting to make his blood boil. 

“Perhaps that will calm her worries, your highness.” The man busied himself with pouring a steaming cup of what smelled like a floral tea, which he promptly held out to Zuko with both hands. “Your sister is a fine bender, and I’m sure the Princess Consort will be quite safe with her, if the disturbance should return.”

Yeah, right. Because “safe” was always the first word to come to mind when he thought of Azula. Accepting the tea, he took a small sip, allowing the slightly sweet taste to seep over his tongue. “I guess you’re right.” 

“Although, Your Highness...” The man fiddled with one end of his mustache, twisting it counterclockwise first and then in the opposite direction. “Should you wish to eliminate the problem yourself, there are ways for you to do so. The royal guards are efficient, but required to remain stationed within the palace grounds. As the Crown Prince, you have a diverse arsenal at your disposal should you wish to seek out any potential threats.” 

Uh oh. He didn’t want everyone in the palace to think he was in any real danger; they would surely refuse to leave him and Mai alone then. But then again, he didn’t want them to figure out that Mai had made the whole thing up. And he still had the whole problem with the Avatar to worry about on top of all this! 

Wait...no, that couldn’t work. Or could it?

Arranging his face into a casual expression (which was way harder than it looked, how did Mai do it so effortlessly?), Zuko waved his hand dismissively. “I’m not worried. It was probably just a common thief, or a peasant trying to get a glimpse of the new Princess Consort.” 

The man nodded hastily. “Of course, sir! You are quite wise to say so!”

Zuko paused, then let his eyes widen as if an idea had just struck him. “But if my wife is concerned, I suppose it couldn’t hurt to send someone to investigate. For reassurance’s sake.” 

The nodding intensified. “Absolutely, Prince Zuko! Very astute.” 

For once, he agreed with the man: he was brilliant! “So, tell me: if I were to employ a bounty hunter of sorts. For my wife’s peace of mind, of course. Where would I go?”^^^

. . . . . . . .

Groaning at his own stupidity, Zuko rolled onto his side. How overconfident he’d been, then. As formidable as the tattooed assassin had looked, he obviously had been no match for Aang and the rest of his crew. Still, it was in his best interest not to remind the young airbender that Zuko had sent someone to kill him. During tomorrow’s storytelling session, he would just skip ahead. 

But for now, sleep. Adjusting his arm’s position under his head, he closed his eyes and tried to regulate his breathing. All this talk about Mai surely meant she’d inhabit his dreams tonight. Hopefully they’d be fantasies about walking through the gardens or judging artwork together, instead of nightmares about what Azula had done after his escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * - Please recall how Zuko said nobility was a prison just a chapter ago...  
** - I have decided that because the sun rises in the east, the palace is set to face that way so the Firelord can be all “I rise with the sun in the morning” because the Fire Nation is full of dramatic hos  
*** - Mai is insinuating that the guards follow her around to keep her from running away, but now that she is Zuko’s wife, there is no point in hightailing it because anywhere that she went, she would be discovered and sent straight back. Zuko is not picking up on this whatsoever.  
*^* - The rest of the scene continues as in canon, as does Zuko’s second visit to Uncle where he admits his fear that the Avatar is alive and begs for help but Iroh turns away (sorry to everyone who was hoping it would go differently!).  
^ - This is the same window/chaise setup we’ve seen in the show from their cuddling scene and the scene where she helps him put on his robe in the finale. Also yes Zuko gets a window but Mai doesn’t get one because life isn’t fair.  
^^ - This is the ship Aang wakes up on at the beginning of “The Awakening”.  
^^^ - And this is how Combustion Man became a thing. :D


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Zuko and Mai’s relationship blossoms in secret, problems begin to surface in public.

He was in a forest, wide leaves of treetops forming a dusky green canopy above. Although some light filtered in through the translucent flesh that stretched between each vein, everything was dim. Yet, instead of feeling like he was in danger, he felt strangely...peaceful. Safe. 

He produced a small flame, holding his hand out in front as he walked. The trunks of the trees were webbed with vines and dappled with small dots of moisture. Clusters of toadstools covered the seam where each trunk met the moss-covered earth, disappearing to form roots below. He’d heard tales of a place like this once, on his travels. On the map, it was located within the boundaries of the Earth Kingdom. Now that he was here, it was clear that this place belonged only to itself.  
A scuffling sound broke through the hum of skittering insects, and he turned. 

“Mai?” 

There she was, standing a few inches away. In the dimness, her hair looked even blacker and thicker than he remembered. It was done up in its usual style, but tucked into each bun was a tiny white flower, the size of his fingernail. She was dressed in a simple white tunic and long pants tapered at the ankle, barefoot. 

She was smiling. 

_ “Zuko.” _

Why did her voice sound like she was underwater? This was strange. And yet...he still didn’t feel scared. Just confused. 

Reaching out, she pressed her palm to his cheek. Her fingertips felt cold against the scar tissue, just like always. Instinctively, he tilted his head to the side, allowing the curve of her hand to match the line of his cheekbone. 

“I thought I’d never touch you again,” he murmured. 

_“Zuko.” _The underwater sound had gotten worse--almost like she was sinking deeper, farther and farther away. But she was right here?

_ “Zuko…” _

. . . . . . . . 

“Zuko!” 

A warm, slightly clammy hand jostled his shoulder, and the firebender groaned. Hovered over him was Aang, dark circles shadowing the underside of each eye. 

“What?” 

“I can’t sleep. All I can think about is what happened with you and Mai!” Plopping down next to him, Aang bended a clump of earth into his palm, passing it back and forth between his hands rhythmically. 

“You know how it ends,” Zuko pointed out. “I run off and join you guys, and don’t see her again until Sokka and I go to the Boiling Rock.” 

“But what happens before that?!” The Avatar practically howled, smashing the clump of earth into a pancake. 

“Hey! Stop all the noise! Su--I mean, _I’m _ trying to sleep!” Another head popped through the tent flaps, drawing another groan from Zuko. Although devoid of undereye circles, Sokka looked just as worse for the wear as Aang--his hair was free from its wolf tail, and his tunic was on inside out, as evidenced by the bulging side seams and crooked patched lining. 

“Sokka, come on! Zuko’s going to finish telling the story!” 

“No I’m not--”

“Aw man, really? Hey, Suki! Get in here! Zuko’s giving us an update!” 

Almost immediately, the Kyoshi girl emerged, far too bright-eyed for the hour. Unlike the boys, she was dressed normally, and her hair was neatly tied back into a ponytail. Warrior training must have prepared her to pull herself together on short notice. “Oh wow! Couldn’t bear to leave us hanging, huh?” 

“Wouldn’t say that.” Zuko grumbled, tossing aside his blanket.

As the girl reached up to adjust the flaps of the tent, a beam of moonlight illuminated something blue on her wrist. Was that the band Sokka used to tie up his wolf tail? 

Zuko had half a mind to mention it, to embarrass all three of them. A sort of payback for waking him. 

The earth below them rumbled as Toph popped up, lying on her back in a leisurely pose. 

“AH!” Everyone in the group let out a simultaneous yelp.

"What are you knuckleheads doing?”

“How did you--why did you--” Zuko sputtered.

With a snap of her fingers, the dirt coating her pajamas returned to the ground. “I sensed Aang’s earthbending and figured _something_ was happening. Now spill!”

A frantic call came from outside, almost as if it were answering Toph’s demand. “Sokka!? SOKKA?” 

“In here!” 

Katara burst through the tent flaps Suki had just adjusted, and Zuko felt his head start to throb. What was next, were they going to invite his Father over for a nice and cozy death battle with Aang right here on his sleeping cot!? 

“I couldn’t sleep, and Suki was...out, so I went to find Aang, but he was gone! And then I went to your tent, but you weren’t there either, and--oh. Everyone’s here.” Letting out a nervous chuckle, the waterbender avoided Aang’s gaze, a blush rising on her cheeks. “Wait, why are you all with Zuko? Was he doing something to Aang?!”

“No, you guys are the ones doing something to me!” Zuko whined at the same time Toph cheered, “We’re here for the rest of the story!” 

“Oh, so you were going to just tell it without me?! I mean, not that I care--” 

“Can we move outside? It’s a little crowded in here,” Aang piped up, patting Katara on the back. They shared a smile, and frankly, Zuko didn’t know which pair was more googly-eyed: the two of them or Sokka & Suki. 

_You and Mai were that googly-eyed once_, a little voice inside his brain reminded him. It sounded way too much like Uncle. 

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Zuko exhaled. “Fine. But just a little bit. Then I’m going to sleep and you guys just have to wait until tomorrow!” 

. . . . . . . . 

_Schwing, thunk!_

“Are you kidding me?!” A bead of sweat dripped from Zuko’s forehead, disappearing into the grass below. “How could I possibly miss? I was aiming right at it!” 

“Were you?” Mai’s tone betrayed nothing, but he could tell from a small crinkle under her eye that she was amused. She plucked the blade from between the stones of the wall in front of them and ran one fingernail down the edge. “Let’s try again.”

“I’ve tried like twenty times!” It wasn’t that he’d thought learning shuriken would be easy. He just hadn’t expected the tiny little metal shards to be so difficult to control. He thought they would be like his swords--they had always felt like natural extensions of his body. Once he’d gotten accustomed to their weight and learned the necessary forms, adjusting his balance and force to maneuver them at will had become almost second nature. In contrast, his bending had always seemed to have a mind of its own, but even then, he had still learned to manipulate it to his will. After mastering a weapon _and_ bending, he’d figured learning Mai’s fighting style would be…

Okay, so maybe he had thought it would be easy. 

“Here.” His wife walked towards him, blade in hand. Sighing, Zuko reached to take it, only for Mai to circle around and stand behind him instead. Inching closer, she pressed her slippered toes against the back of his bare heels and leaned forwards, framing him in between her arms. 

“Uh, okay.” Was he blushing? Of course not. Mai was just tired of watching him make a fool of himself. Although, they were alone. He’d made sure of that, because spirits knew what the guards would make of the Fire Prince and his new wife throwing sharp objects around. He could only imagine what they would make of this. 

“Hold it this way.” Cold fingers slipped into the divets between his, her soft skin coupled with the smooth, hard metal of the blade. “Keep your wrist loose; you don’t want too much tension there.” 

“Tension. Right.” How could he not be tense at a moment like this? She was so close. He could feel her hair, freed from its oxtails, against the side of his neck. 

Guiding his arm back with her right hand, she tapped his side with her left. “Breathe in when you wind up, exhale when you throw. Keep your eyes open.”

“Uh--” 

Without warning, she sent his arm forwards, and on instinct he let go. The flash of silver hurtled through the air, veering off course and into the grass. 

Silent, they stared after it for a minute. 

“Maybe we should try again later,” Mai said quietly, dipping her chin so her hair covered her face like a curtain. He didn’t need to look at her to know she was smiling. And it was definitely not a ‘wow, Zuko is so impressive’ type of smile. 

“Ugh!” He tumbled to the ground on his back, staring up at the white-ish grey sky. Peeking out from under her hair at him, Mai considered for a moment before kneeling down on the grass next to him. 

“So how did you find this place?” she asked, smile successfully hidden away. 

“Sometimes I practice my bending here.” Sitting up, he stretched out his fingers and rolled his wrists in circles. “I promise I’m way better at that than I am at this.” 

“I would hope so.” 

He could feel her studying him, and he wondered what she thought. He’d forgone the topknot for the day, and his robe lay crumpled on the side of the grass with his shoes. Did he look like some common peasant, in a plain red shirt and pants? The fabric was of the highest quality, but both pieces were still devoid of any embroidery or embellishments. His hair needed cutting, that was for sure. Was she disgusted by how sweaty he was? 

“Why are you barefoot?” 

There it was. “It helps...with bending. Keeps the chi flowing.” 

“Hm.” She raised an eyebrow. “I wouldn’t know.”

“But you’re amazing,” he blurted out, before he could think about it. “What you do, I mean. Shuriken is--well, it’s not easy. Bending isn’t either, but...at least with bending, there’s some kind of instinct. You’re born with it, so at some point you’re going to figure it out. Even if you’re not as good as other benders, at least you can do it, right? But for your thing, you have to work hard just to do it. Even harder to be as good as you are. And that’s...that’s pretty cool.” 

Eyes wide, she seemed lost for words. “Thank you.” 

“No problem,” he said. Too quickly--ugh, why couldn’t he figure out how to say things the way he wanted to say them? Maybe it was like throwing shuriken: he just had to try and try until one day a miracle happened, and he didn’t screw it up. Changing the subject would probably help. “How was breakfast with my sister this morning?”

A decidedly unladylike snort was the reply. “She had a lot to say about our picnic the other day. And about you and your uncle.”

“Of course she did.” No more visits to the prison for a while, then.

“But she accepts that I’m your wife.” Tawny eyes captured his. “She supports all of your dad’s decisions. So…”

“So?” 

“Zuko.” Something in her voice sounded strained, and she shifted closer. Her face peered up at him, pale as a panda lily.* “I gave you a day, like you asked. Did you get whatever was going on figured out?” 

Had he? 

Although he wasn’t exactly sure how to classify the assassin’s abilities--could he even call it bending?--he was certain neither the Avatar nor any of his allies had battled anything similar. If the boy was alive, he wouldn’t be for long. 

“Yeah.” Feeling brave, he dared to wrap an arm around her shoulders, drawing her closer still. “We can...we don’t have to hide anymore.” 

Emotion suddenly bloomed across her features, like flower petals opening up to the sun’s rays. As beautiful as she was when she hated the world, she was even more stunning when she was happy. 

Their lips met, and Zuko had to admit that he was happy too. 

. . . . . . . . 

Of course, for Zuko, happiness could only last so long. 

“Breakfast _ again, _ huh.” Against his better judgment, his fist came down against the plush of his pillow. 

The mustached man flinched, but didn’t jump--either he was getting braver, or just more used to the outbursts. “Indeed, sir. It has become a bit of a routine. Shall we prepare a tea for you and your wife later in the day?” 

A proper princely answer would have been something along the lines of, “Yes, thank you,” or “No, that won’t be necessary.” But Zuko didn’t feel very princely today, so what came out of his mouth instead was “Whatever.” 

On one hand, it was just breakfast. No big deal. But on the other hand, it wasn’t just breakfast--it was the third day in a row. 

First, he’d asked her to go on a walk around the city, no guards allowed. She’d agreed, which was a mild success, but then Azula and Ty Lee had invited themselves along. The opposite of success. Of course she hadn’t protested, just sighed. A day of strolling casually hand-in-hand and stealing kisses behind shop stalls had morphed into hours of him trudging behind his wife as she allowed her two friends to drag her from shop to shop. To make things worse, every few steps someone had stopped him to bow and schmooze and carry on. By the time he’d pried himself from his subjects’ attentions, the trio had decided they were finished with their outing and were ready to head back to the palace.

After that, he’d tried going back to basics--sneaking out of his chambers at night to visit her. But no, that didn’t work, because there was an all-girls sleepover going on that no one felt the need to inform him about. He’d waited for hours in the hall for her to open the door, looking like a complete idiot (and probably a pervert on top of that). 

If they were on speaking terms, he would confide in Uncle--although, that probably wouldn’t help either. The old man would probably advise more traditional attempts: poetry, ornate gifts, a saccharine love song. Soppy acts of romance that made Zuko’s cheeks burn just by thinking about them. No way. 

. . . . . . . . 

“Hey, poetry works! Let me tell ya, girls love that stuff!” Sokka gave Suki a knowing smirk. Rolling her eyes, the warrior punched him on the arm, failing to hide her smile. 

Zuko opened his mouth to snark back, only for a certain earthbender to beat him to it. “Yeah, right! Suki just likes having a boyfriend she can laugh at 24/7.” 

“Hey, I think Sokka gives great girl advice!” Ah, Aang, ever the peacemaker.

“Says the guy who’s never kissed a girl!”

“I have so kissed a girl!” Suddenly, the airbender’s face flushed. “I mean, I haven’t kissed any specific girl, certainly not a girl that anyone here would _know_\--”

“Guys!” Katara yelped, her cheeks a color that mysteriously matched her backpedaling best friend. “Don’t interrupt Zuko with your silly questions!”

“Huh, I guess my awesome advice did help Aang with that weird girl after all,” Sokka murmured to his girlfriend, ignoring his sister completely. “You know, the one I was telling you about?”

“The fortune-teller’s assistant?” 

“If by fortune-teller, you mean lying hack, then yes.” 

“Wedon’tneedtobringupAuntWurightnow!” Katara sputtered as Aang groaned, “She’s not who I _meant!”_

“So, are we done? Can I go back to bed now?” Zuko asked, wondering if the Spirits were finally giving him a break for once. 

From the chorus of “no way!”-s he received, they definitely were not. 

. . . . . . . . 

He just didn’t get it. Azula had always been possessive, that he understood. But why did Mai have to go along with her? Openly expressing their feelings for one another was her idea in the first place. If she was going to bring it up, you’d think she would feign some interest. Maybe she’d grown bored of him already. Wasn’t that her schtick, after all? Or maybe her cryptic comment about this all being a game was more of a clue then he’d realized at the time. 

“Surely their breakfast will end soon, sir.” Mr. Servant Man soothed, fluffing the crushed and slightly singed pillow. “Princess Azula will have other matters to attend to shortly. I believe the tax meeting shall commence in under an hour.” 

“What meeting?” 

A gulp. “The--simply a discussion about proper taxing protocol for the colonies, sir. Nothing of consequence.” 

“If there’s no consequence, why is Azula invited?” he seethed. Not only did Azula get first dibs on spending time with Mai, apparently she also got the VIP to everything their father was doing. What did he have to do to get some respect around here--capture the Avatar? Ha, apparently even THAT wasn’t enough! 

Sensing danger, the man sank to his knees, forehead brushing the floor. “Forgive me, Prince Zuko! It is my impression that the Firelord wishes to occupy his daughter so that you may spend time with your wife. No exclusion intended, I am sure.”

“Oh.” So his father recognized how pathetic he was and had intervened. That was so much worse. No wonder Mai didn’t want to spend time with him anymore. 

For a moment, the frustration swelling within him deflated into shame. But almost immediately, shame was swallowed as anger came roaring back with a vengeance. Agni, he was sick of shame feeling so d*mn familiar. He hadn’t spent years banished, enduring storms and failure and General Zhao’s taunts and poverty and getting shown up time and time again by a _child_ just to be forced back into the role of the family disappointment. So what if Azula had been the one to actually kill the Avatar? She couldn’t have done it without his help! And anyway, the boy had seemingly survived, so the joke was on her. She was the one who should be ashamed, not him. 

And if he couldn’t prove that to the Firelord, he could at least prove it to Mai. 

“We’re finished.” Stepping over the terrified servant, he ignored the twinge of sympathy that interrupted the waves of rage. It wasn’t whatshisname’s fault that everything was so unfair. But he didn’t have time for reassurance right now...

“Ah, _dear_ brother. Didn’t expect to see you up and about so early.” His sister smirked.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Hopefully his annoyance would cover his shortness of breath--he’d wasted so much time searching the many dining rooms for them. Finally, after he was ready to tear his hair out in frustration, a servant polishing the flatware mentioned that his sister had opted to eat outside, on the third floor balcony off the archival wing. 

“Well, I’m told you’re a late sleeper.” Azula said innocently, eyes flicking pointedly over to her companion. 

Mai sipped her tea, her face stone-still as a statue. She hadn’t even bothered to greet him properly. Why was she acting so...so blah? Zuko opened his mouth, ready to accuse, only for his sister to speak first.

“Not by Mai, of course. The servants.” From the glee tugging at the corners of her lipsticked mouth, she knew her trick had worked. “But you’re here--why not join us? It’s been so long since we’ve all spent time together.”

“No thanks,” he growled, and because he was feeling petty, “The food doesn’t look all that appetizing.” From their brief time on the ship together, Zuko learned that breakfast with Azula consisted of relatively modest fare--quite possibly the only modesty his sister allowed in her life. Apparently this remained as true at home as it did during travel: on the table sat a tea service, three platters of artfully arranged fruits, and two bowls of rice porridge. Judging from the table setting, the princess didn’t bother to fill a plate, opting instead to graze from the serving platters at her leisure. 

“It’s not awful.” Mai reasoned quietly. Zuko made note of the discarded apple cores and leechee nut rinds on the plate in front of her. Although her appetite had returned after the night he’d brought her the tart, he often wondered if she was eating enough. His days as a fugitive were far behind him now, but the ghost of hunger haunted him every now and then. He didn’t want her to ever feel that ache in her stomach, even by choice. 

“You see, even Mai doesn’t hate it.” Waving a slice of mango in front of his face before popping it into her own mouth, Azula added, “Do sit down.”

“No!” Clearly that’s what his sister wanted, and he wasn’t going to agree to her demands.

A shrug was the response from his sister, but from Mai, he got “Suit yourself.” 

‘Suit yourself’, as if he was a petulant child. As if Azula’s offer had been genuine, and his refusal was out of rudeness! 

“I’m not here for food.” Frustration bubbled through the blood in his veins. Did Mai find him so pathetic and unimportant, that she only bothered to care when she felt like it? Well, he wasn’t going to accept that. Not anymore. “I’m here for my wife!” 

At this, Mai’s teacup hit the table just slightly too loudly. Her gaze snapped over to him with the speed and precision of her shuriken. 

Azula exhaled loudly. “So, impatient. But I do have an important meeting to get to, so I suppose I’ll allow it. Until tomorrow, then. Go on, Mai.” The Fire Princess waved her hand in a cavalier fashion, nearly upending her tea. From the absence of steam hovering over the liquid that reached the brim, Zuko presumed she or someone else had poured a full serving, only to let it go cold. If Uncle had been present, the old man would have recoiled in horror. 

“You’re not ‘allowing’ anything. Mai isn’t here to keep you busy!” 

“_Zuko._” Mai’s tone carried more danger than he’d ever heard from her. Part of him wanted immediately to apologize, but a larger part--his pride--refused to submit.

“And you’re not going to have breakfast together tomorrow either.” 

At this, his sister’s eyebrows rose. “Oh, we are.” 

“No, you’re not.” Mimicking her smirk from earlier didn’t feel as sweet as he’d expected, but he still did it anyway. “I’m her husband, so she’s having breakfast with me. I think that’s what Dad would want, after all.” 

Boom. 

He wasn’t wrong, after all. While his Father’s actions regarding the arrangement had been odd, to say the least, clearly he prioritized Zuko and Mai spending more time together. Mustached man had handed him the winning tactic when he’d said that the Firelord had been keeping Azula busy on their behalf. Even though his sister was doubtlessly enjoying all the meetings and official events, she had to know the price she was paying. At the end of it all, Azula would always choose their father’s approval over getting what she wanted. And both of them knew it.

Chin held high as if to preserve her dignity, Azula glared at him. “This marriage isn’t just an attack on Mai’s potential, it’s proof that yours has been wildly overestimated.” Turning to Mai, she hissed, “If your mother thought chaining you to a disgrace would cement your future as the Firelady, she’s a fool.”

“I agree,” Mai deadpanned. “But I’m pretty sure it wasn’t her idea.”

. . . . . . . . 

“Oh my gosh.” Katara’s cheeks still glowed red, but now it seemed to be for a completely different reason than earlier. “You were so _awful!” _

“Hey, I think it was awe-SOME.” Toph argued. “His sister needed to hear what was what.”

“I understand why Zuko would be upset.” Aang piped up. “It sounds like Mai was acting really weird.”

“Not exactly an excuse!” 

“Since when do you agree with me over Sugar Queen?”

“Why are you yelling at me?! I’m saying you were right!”

Fighting back a yawn, Zuko waved his hands for them to settle down (he was so tired that he’d forgotten Toph couldn’t see the gesture). “Listen. I’m not proud of how I acted. Mai was being weird, but I didn’t handle it right. And we can get into all of THAT tomorrow. Now I’m going to bed.” 

He returned to his tent, ignoring the groans of disappointment and Katara’s dark mutterings. Just before he buried his head into the pillow and let reality everything fade away, his brain registered one last sound:

“Jerkbending! What did I tell ya?” 

Apparently Sokka was on his sister’s side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * - Zuko knows about these because of his travels in the Earth Kingdom, and considering they symbolize love and grow on the rims of volcanoes, I figured it was appropriate. 
> 
> Ah Zuko, letting his insecurities and shame get the best of him. Not to worry, everyone--both he and Mai will grow into the mature people we know & love, and will eventually figure out how to communicate their feelings in a healthy way. :)
> 
> The dream Zuko has is a throwback to "The Swamp", btw! His flashback takes place during "The Painted Lady" + "Sokka’s Master", neither of which featured any Zuko-centric content, ergo the lack of references.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko finally gets some uninterrupted time with his wife...just not exactly how he wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly reminder that although they are married, Mai and Zuko are NOT ADULTS so no smut here, folks. I also want to make it 100% clear that Ozai sending two children on a honeymoon is a creepy thing to do and we do not condone that here.

“Okay, let’s get this show on the road!” Toph barked, making the ground rumble under the feet of her comrades. “I’ve been waiting all day for the next chapter of Love Amongst the Dummies, all because Sugar Queen said we couldn’t start without Sokka.”

“We couldn’t have started at dinner anyway,” Katara huffed, tossing another branch onto the fire. “Everyone else who hasn’t heard the story was eating too, and the Duke is way too young to hear about this stuff.”

Nodding, Aang added, “And we don’t have time to do a recap.” 

Zuko had to agree. As wonderful as it would be for everyone to know about Mai’s bravery and intellect, the idea of Hakoda and Chit Sang reacting to his youthful idiocy or his and Mai’s first real kiss made him queasy. 

Kicking up dust, Toph scoffed, “I’m just saying, Ponytail didn’t have to hold us up.” 

“Hey, it’s not my fault you and Aang took forever to finish earthbending with Haru after dinner! Besides, I was doing something important. Teo helped Dad and I come up with some modifications for our tribe’s ships that I think will be a real game-changer.”

“That’s great, honey.” Suki said sweetly, patting her boyfriend on the arm. Unlike the rest of the group, she’d spent most of the day alone. Decompressing from her imprisonment at the Boiling Rock, Zuko assumed. The warrior hadn’t mentioned any details of her entrapment, but from what horrible tales he’d heard of the place, even someone as resilient as she must have suffered. The day they had returned from the breakout, Katara had waited until the other girl had left to bathe before insisting everyone give her as much space as she wanted. So far, they had all obliged. 

Wow, he hoped his stories weren’t triggering any bad memories. Although, everyone here had undergone at least one negative experience with the Fire Nation...him included.

A wet smacking noise interrupted his thoughts--Sokka noisily kissing his girlfriend on the cheek. “Okay, so we left off where you sassed your sister--which she totally deserved--but were kind of a jerk about it. What happened next?” 

“Well…” 

* * * 

_Thunk!_

“Sorry, your highness!” A lanky young servant squeaked, hurriedly lifting the trunk that he and his freckled comrade had just dropped on the ground. Both had obviously been distracted by Ty Lee, who was currently performing a backbend. 

Scowling, Zuko didn’t bother to reply. Even if the maroon rug placed next to the ship’s entrance hadn’t protected the luggage from the dirt, what did it matter? This whole situation was beyond ridiculous!

“Lighten up, brother.” Azula’s tone appeared teasing, but he could tell there was a hint of annoyance. “So Dad wants to meet with his advisers alone, without anyone else around. Don’t take it personally.”*

“Easy for you to say. You’re not the one he’s sending away on some stupid trip.” He’d thought he’d won the day before at breakfast, or at least humbled her a miniscule amount. But no, his sister always had some trick up her sleeve, some last-ditch plan of attack that made him look like a fool. This ludicrous event was undoubtedly her doing; the only question in his mind was why she refused to claim her victory. 

“But we--” Suddenly, Ty Lee tumbled ankles-over-ears out of her backbend, thanks to a kick from the Fire Princess. Rubbing her soon-to-be-bruised chin, she continued, “I mean, cheer up, Zuko! I’m sure it’s going to be great to hang out on the beach and do nothing. Right Mai?” 

“If you like that sort of thing.” Although paying attention to the conversation, the dark-haired girl did not look at any of them. Her eyes were fixed on the open waters beyond the ship. Perhaps she was thinking about how long the trip would take, or if the sun would set before they reached Ember Island. 

He wouldn’t know. After his display during her and Azula’s breakfast, she had barely spoken two words to him. The whole point of interrupting was to impress her--or, no, ‘impress’ wasn’t the right word. More like rescue her. No, that wasn’t right either--to prove himself? Ugh, regardless, somehow he’d managed to screw it up. Just like everything else. 

“I doubt doing 'nothing' is Father’s intent for you two.” Azula smirked, sending Ty Lee into a fit of giggles. 

“Shut up!” Steam curled from his nostrils, and he knew he was blushing. In contrast, Mai didn’t turn around, nor did she reply. In that moment, he envied how hard it was for people to get a rise out of her. 

His sister heaved a dramatic sigh, most likely disappointed by Mai’s reaction. “You’re going whether you want to or not, so you might as well make up your mind to enjoy it.”

“Yeah!” Apparently not having learned her lesson previously, Ty Lee flipped into a headstand. “Think of it as a vacation!”

“It’s not a vacation,” he snapped. “It’s a _honeymoon._”

* * * 

“Whoa whoa whoa!” Sokka interjected, only to be overpowered by his sister’s screech of “A _honeymoon_? That’s disgusting!” 

“Please don’t tell me this is going where I think it’s going!” Aang covered his eyes with his hands. Through the boy’s fingers, Zuko could see his skin had dulled to a scandalized greyish-green. 

“It’s not like that. Well, I suppose it is, but...” Heat rose up the back of Zuko’s neck. Really, he wished he could have left out this whole disaster and skipped ahead. But what he’d learned on the beach trip was important, especially in regards to Mai. This part of the story was vital to explaining who she was as a person...and how bitter and childish he’d been before finally coming to his senses. A deep breath, and then: “While I don’t know for sure why my dad forced us to go, it was probably to make sure he was alone with his advisors...and I guess for us to...uh...produce an heir.”

Now the poor airbender looked ready to keel over. “An heir?”

Toph howled. “Now things are getting good!” 

“But you were just a teenager.” Suki tilted her head quizzically. “Both of you. Did they really expect an heir that soon?”

“I didn’t know exactly why at the time. There’s a lot, but I can explain everything about that later.” Zuko sighed. “Let’s just continue where I left off, alright?” 

* * * 

“The locals say that Ember Island is a magical place, with a special way of smoothing even the most ragged edges. And they’re not just talking about the highly rated pedicures available at the local spa!” 

Maybe it was because he’d spent the journey stuck sulking in the same room as a stone-silent Mai. Maybe it was because of all the places to be literally shipped off to, his dad had chosen Ember Island. The last place their fractured family had actually been happy, as far as he remembered. Or maybe it was because he was just in a bad mood about the forced vacation in the first place. Regardless, he found the unrelenting cheerfulness of the woman tasked with meeting them at the docks incredibly irritating.

“The Firelord had this special vacation home** commissioned especially for you and your bride. It has a perfect view of the sunset in the evenings. Oh! And official law bans citizens from building their homes within a specific distance, ensuring seclusion and tranquility!” 

The woman’s smile shone as brightly bothersome as the sunlight on the snow in the Water Nation. An involuntary shiver ran down his back as the memory of almost freezing to death came to mind. He could feel Mai’s gaze on him, but he didn’t turn to meet it. If she cared so much, she should have showed it on the way over. 

“It’s...nice. Thanks.” And it was. Huge open windows trimmed with woven shades let in the perfect amount of sunlight as well as a cool breeze. Wooden floors were covered with matching woven rugs boasting a sun and cloud design. Plush chaises lined the walls of the entryway, and if he leaned forward and peeked through the hallway, he could count at least two more in the next room. 

It was the picture of privilege without the mockery of decadence. Everything felt soft and relaxing, like an escape. If he was more poetic, he would describe the aesthetic as reminiscent of expelling a deep breath. But being poetic was stupid, and this trip was stupid, so naturally the vacation home was stupid as well. 

“If you come with me, I can show you the master bedroom where you’ll be staying!” The lady chirped, already marching down the hall. Zuko hesitated to see if Mai moved to follow, but she didn’t. 

“We--you don’t have to sleep there,” he mumbled. As annoyed as he was with her blase attitude, he didn’t want her to get the wrong idea. “There’s gotta be a guest room or something around here one of us can take instead.” 

A shrug was the response. “It doesn’t matter.” 

_Of course it does!_ he longed to reply. But now the tour guide was back, so he settled for shoving his hands into the pockets of his trousers and scowling.

“Oh, silly me! You must be exhausted from your trip. I’ll leave you to get settled.” Turning her beaming grin on Mai and then on him, the lady singsonged, “Enjoy your stay!” and exited out the front entrance. The door snapped shut with a firm sound--more so then he’d expected from such a lightweight material--and then...

He and Mai were alone. 

Even with the open windows, the room felt stuffy and confined, and yet also huge and empty. Embarrassment and frustration and longing chased each other in circles within his chest, and for the hundredth time that day he wished he was the kind of person who had the right words to say. 

“Do you want to go for a walk?” he finally stuttered. Exercise might improve or further sour both their moods, but it was something to do. 

Shrugging again, Mai twisted her sleeve in between her thumb and forefinger. “Fine. But I need to change. It’s too hot here.” 

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.” He realized suddenly that both of their trunks had already been set up in the master bedroom. “Um...you can go first.” 

Heaving a deep sigh, Mai trudged down the hallway. Right before she entered the room, he heard her mutter, “I didn’t _ask_.”

“I was just being nice!” he called after her indignantly, wishing he could add 'I can hear you from here!' without sounding petulant. A door slam was his reward. 

* * * 

Somehow, they made it down the beach without incident. Mai had been right about it being hot; Zuko had chosen to wear a vest and calf-length pants for their stroll but only lasted a few minutes before discarding the vest entirely. As they shuffled side by side through the sand, he felt the eyes of every beachgoer they passed. Did they recognize him as royalty, or was it because of his scar? Even Mai deigned to give him a once-over, vulpine eyes tracing his face to his shoulders, down his spine and back up again. 

If you asked him, she was the one people should be looking at. Despite going to the effort to change into a shoulder-baring top and a gauzy skirt, she’d elected to bring a huge black parasol to hide her now exposed skin from the sun. Add her neutral expression, and she looked like a walking contradiction--part rich beauty ready for a beach day, part sullen recluse being forced out of the shadows. 

Actually, that wasn’t too far off. Just as he had been forced to go on this excursion, so had she. Maybe that’s why she’d acted so rude earlier. 

Maybe he could turn this around. Like it or not, they were stuck here. As much as he hated to admit it, Azula’s advice to try and enjoy the vacation did have some merit. It had to be better than sulking and snapping at each other the whole time, anyway. He just had to find a way to put Mai in a less grumpy mood, that’s all. 

Funny. When he phrased it like that, it reminded him of what Uncle must have said to himself during their travels over the past few years. The former general may have wasted a lot of time with his antics, but it was admirable that he’d remained so jolly regardless of their circumstances. What had the silly old man done in situations similar to this one? 

Half-buried in the sand, something small and white gleamed in the sunlight. Picking up the object, he registered the smoothness of it against his palm. The color and flawless sheen reminded him of Mai’s skin; the curve matching the swoop of her shoulder--the shoulder he was seeing for the first time today. 

“Here.” Holding out the seashell, he allowed himself a small smile. “This is for you.”

Mai’s eyes flicked from the gift to the spot on the ground where he’d retrieved it. “Why would I want that?”

A fair question. Why had Uncle picked up all those useless trinkets during their travels? 

“I saw it and I thought it was pretty.” That explanation sounded so dumb. Ugh, why was she so difficult?! Ty Lee would have liked the present--even Azula may have appreciated it, if it had been the only seashell left on the island or something. “Don’t girls like stuff like this?” 

“Maybe stupid girls,” Mai said, hiding her face behind her hair. Her pace quickened, and before he knew it she was several steps ahead. All he could do was throw the shell aside as he struggled to match her stride.

Part of him wanted to let her leave him behind.

They walked what felt like the perimeter of the entire island. The thickness of the silence between them rivaled that of the humidity, and he felt his frown deepening with every step. Finally, she muttered, “I’m hungry.”

“Let’s go to dinner, then.” Fingernails worked against his palm, but he kept his tone as calm as he could. 

He was going to salvage this! He was the Fire Prince; who had succeeded in capturing the Avatar and allowing his sister to end him. When she’d screwed that up--her, not him--he’d taken care of it without anyone finding out. He had earned his honor. He had earned his father’s love. He had earned his wife. Things between him and Mai had been developing perfectly, before Azula had ruined it. They’d watched the sunset, and joked about the past, and kissed in the dark...they could be happy! 

Whatever the problem was, he was going to fix it...starting with some food.

* * * 

Perhaps it had been a blessing in disguise that Mai had ignored him so intently when they’d first arrived. By doing so, she’s inadvertently forced him to pay very close attention to their overly cheerful guide’s welcome speech--which had included assurance that all five of the local restaurants had been informed of their arrival and would happily serve them at any hour, free of charge. It seemed a little silly to him to award such privilege to the richest family in the Fire Nation. Then again, this whole trip was silly and frivolous, so in a way it made sense. 

The Slippery Pigeon-Eel seemed like a good choice--a one-story building constructed of dark wood, its front steps swept clean of sand. Gentle but upbeat music poured from the cracked-open windows, competing with murmurs of conversation and laughter from the patrons inside. They’d barely stepped in the door before the gasps and whispers began. 

“Prince Zuko!” A balding man rushed forward and bowed. “We are honored to have you as our guest tonight! Let us show you to a private room, where you may eat undisturbed.” 

“That’s not necessary, thank you.” he muttered. Being embarrassed was foolish, but for some reason, he couldn’t help but be reminded of his time in Ba Sing Se. Living the life of a commoner had stung with humiliation, but he still scoffed at the silliness of all the high-society snobs. How they would order ten different flavors of tea only to take barely a sip of each; how haughty their voices sounded when they insisted on taking said tea “in a private room, undisturbed.” As if the simple existence of people poorer than them--him included--was an inconvenience. 

“Nonsense. Let me show you the way!” The man marched off, and Zuko sighed before following. With the way Mai was acting when they were alone, being surrounded by other people wouldn’t have been the worst idea. But at least now he could try to speak to her more honestly, without worrying what anyone else would think. 

“The room has the best aura in the entire establishment,” a grey-haired woman with jade earrings chirped, shaking out a napkin over Zuko’s lap. Embarrassed, he pushed her hand away and readjusted the white cloth himself. 

“I don’t believe in auras,” Mai replied, taking her napkin out of the woman’s hand and smoothing out the creases against the edge of the table. 

Zuko shot her a look. _Yeah, you don't believe in anything, he thought._

They’d barely had time to breathe before the attendants began bringing in dish after dish of noodles, meat, fish, rice, and stews. As the table got more and more crowded, Zuko realized the spread looked almost identical to the feast served after their wedding. 

“Is there anything else we can provide for you?” One young serving girl asked. She faced him, but her eyes were focused squarely on Mai. 

Hopefully the resemblance to their wedding dinner stopped at the food options, and didn’t extend to another hunger strike. Clearing his throat, he leaned across the table to ask: “Do you want anything else?”

Mai looked up at him, and he felt a surge of pride that he could recognize the surprise peeking out from behind her mask. So, he hadn’t lost his understanding of her completely... 

“This is fine.” Chopsticks in hand, she began to fill her plate. 

“Are you sure?” He wanted--no, he NEEDED this to be more than fine. “I can ask for a fruit tart, if you want.” 

“I already said this is fine.” A twinge of annoyance shadowed her tone. What right did she have to be annoyed at him? He was only trying to make her happy!

_Calm down, Zuko._ Waving the staff away, he waited to exhale until the screen door had slid into place. “Ugh. They brought so much. How are we supposed to finish all of this?!”

“We aren’t.” She rearranged the plates so the mushrooms were closer to him, dragging a bowl of cabbage to her side of the table. “They’ll probably sell it to someone else for double the price. Today’s special: the future Firelord’s leftovers.”

A snort escaped before he thought better of it. “More like the future Firelord’s brother.” Piling some mushrooms onto his plate, he pushed the bowl closer to her side, bumping a platter of steamed fish in the process.

Her eyebrows rose. Whether the cause had been his words or the sight of the fire flakes swimming in her soup, he couldn’t be sure. “What makes you think that? Because she’s also the second child?”

“No. But we all know who he’s going to choose.” He stabbed at a slice of sour melon. “Azula’s always been the favorite--she even got to stay home while I got sent on this stupid trip.” 

_Say something,_ he wanted to add. _Tell me that I’m wrong, that you still mean what you said about liking me better. That I could be the Firelord someday. Say that you’re happy to be here with me. Say something, anything to change how this is going._

Instead, Mai sipped her soup delicately--apparently it had been his words that had incited the eyebrow raise after all--and replied, “You weren’t the only one sent on this stupid trip.” 

_I can’t fix this by myself. _

“Fine!” He could feel his body growing warmer as his voice rose. “I get it. You hate me, and you hate being here, and you hate everything, no matter what!” 

“Stop yelling.” Her tone reminded him too much of his Uncle--sensible, disappointed, and irritatingly calm. “People will hear you.” 

“So what?!” The table made contact with his leg as he stood, but he ignored the dangerous clanging of the bowls. “You said it yourself. I’m the Firelord’s son, and maybe the future Firelord someday. I killed the Avatar, right? I can do whatever I want! Except one thing, apparently, which is please you!” 

“_None_ of this is about me, and you know it.” Matching his stance, she clutched her chopsticks in her fist under her knuckles paled. “And how is acting like a brat supposed to make me like you?”

“You’re the brat!” Everything in him was screaming at him to overturn the table, but the last bit of restraint hadn’t left him yet. “No matter what I do for you, you don’t care about it. You don’t care about anything, especially not me. Nothing makes you happy, or sad, or anything. You’re just a big blah!” 

“Well, I'm sorry I can't be as high-strung and crazy as you.” With that, she picked up her plate and turned her chair towards the wall. 

Hearing her softly chewing her meal infuriated him. She really didn’t care. 

Fine. If she didn’t care, neither did he. Turning on his heel, he threw open the sliding door of the screen and stomped through the dining room, ignoring the stares and whispers. He kept going until his feet hit the sand. Then, he ran. 

* * * 

“You ran away? Wiiiiiimp!” Toph chortled, using her hands as a makeshift megaphone.

Katara covered her ears and groaned. “I think he should run. If I were Mai, I would have thrown some of those knives at him for talking to me like that!” 

“Aw, come on guys! Zuko’s just doing his best!” A tattooed arm wrapped around Zuko’s shoulder, followed by Aang’s cheek colliding with his. “I’m impressed you’re being so honest with us about all your mistakes!”

“Yeah, his many, many, MANY, mistakes.” 

Wow, he’d expected those kind of comments from Katara, not Suki. Glowering at her, he shoved the boy away and mumbled, “It wasn’t my greatest moment. But I was going through a lot!”

“Hm yeah, us too.” Stroking his chin, Sokka assumed a thoughtful expression. “In fact, if I remember correctly, around this time is when we were fighting off some weirdo made of metal who could ATTACK PEOPLE WITH HIS MIND. Ring any bells?!”

“I said I was sorry about that!”

“Forget that guy. So where’d you run off to?” Toph asked, sending a firm chunk of dirt into the meaty part of his arm. 

“Ow!” Now his arm throbbed, but less so than if it had been her fist that had punched him. At this point, he felt like he knew Toph well enough to assume he should be grateful for that. “My family has a house there too. Until that day, I hadn’t been there since I was a kid.” 

Memories sprang into his mind: sandcastles lovingly crafted by small hands, the sound of the waves harmonizing with a man’s belly laugh, his mother’s sleeve gently shading his eyes from the sun…

“The doors were all boarded up. So...I guess my dad hasn’t visited in a while either.” 

“Why did he build you and Mai a new beach house if your family already had one you weren’t using?” Aang asked, squinching up his nose. “Isn’t that kind of wasteful?”

“Wasteful. Sounds like the Fire Nation to me,” Sokka said, earning a high five from his sister.

“I don’t know. I guess it’s not on his radar.” The firebender shrugged. “Maybe he thinks it will come in handy someday.” 

“Whatever.” Apparently Toph didn’t agree. “So you hightailed it to mope about your childhood. What next?”

“Well…” Gosh, he wasn’t even through with the embarrassing part. “I took some stuff to burn on the beach. And somehow, Mai found me there.” 

* * * 

“Why are you burning those?” The blankness in her voice only made him more angry. She was always diluting her feelings, while he couldn’t dampen his own no matter how hard he tried. How could he ever have thought they were on the same page about their relationship? There were many ways to be a fool, and he had a knack for finding them all.

“What do you care?” 

_Swish, swish_\--the sound of slippers against sand. “Isn’t that your family?”

“Yeah. So?” he snapped, tossing the painting into the flames. The edges curled and blackened, advancing on the smiling visages. Before the fire started to devour his mother’s likeness, he turned his head away. “Not all of us had the perfect childhood.” 

“What do you want from me?” Her volume rose slightly, only to settle back to its standard quiet. “You want a teary confession about how hard my childhood was? Well it wasn’t. I was a rich only child until my brother was born, and I got anything I wanted.” A pause. “As long as I behaved, and sat still. And didn’t speak unless spoken to. My mother said I had to keep out of trouble. We had my dad’s political career to think about.” 

Mai didn’t say it out loud, but Zuko knew what she was thinking: _if she hadn’t cared so much, maybe her daughter wouldn’t have been chosen to marry the Firelord’s son._

“Well, my father decided to teach me a permanent lesson on my face. But yeah. Sounds pretty rough.” If his sarcasm was tangible, he was pretty sure the dregs that dripped from his words would extinguish the bonfire. 

“I forgot it was a competition.” Whether it was an insult or a joke, he couldn’t tell. “Can we go back to the house now? It’s cold.”

“Go by yourself.” He wasn’t cold at all. That was the one nice thing about anger--it certainly kept a person warm. 

Wrapping her arms around herself, Mai let out a sigh. “Zuko, come on.”

“I said go by yourself!”

Something flashed in her eyes, turning them the same gold as the bonfire’s sparks leaping into the air between them. “What is _wrong_ with you?!” 

“What’s wrong with me?” He stood--clumsily, thanks to the yielding softness of the sand beneath their feet. “What’s wrong with you?!” 

“I’m not the one who stormed out of a public place!” The glow of the fire made her skin look gold too, as if her whole body had been molded from fire, her dark hair ash. Almost like his mother in the portrait, just before it had burned. “Your temper is out of control, ever since you showed up at breakfast. All I did was agree to spend the morning with Azula--which I couldn’t say no to anyway--and you threw a tantrum over it.” 

“I wasn’t throwing a tantrum! You said it yourself--you couldn’t say no, so I was saying no for you.” 

Mai let out a weird puff of air, almost like a laugh. “You didn’t do that for me, you did it for yourself. Azula was being ridiculous, but so were you. The two of you fight over me like I’m some kind of toy, and I’m sick of it.” 

“You’re the one who wanted us to stop hiding!” It felt like the dragon statue Lu Ten had joked about roaming around the palace was trapped in his chest. Like it was burning a hole through his skin, fighting to get back out again. “As if you ever do anything other than hide. Why can’t you ever just express how you really feel?! What do you want?!”

“What I want--I wanted---ugh!” Balling up her hands into fists, she turned from him to face the ocean. “Forget it.”

“What? What were you going to say?” 

“You told me to express myself. Now I am. Leave me alone!!” 

A sharp pain inside, like the dragon had bitten him. “This hasn’t been easy for me either, Mai. Do you think I wanted to come home to an arranged marriage? To have my new wife be one of my psychotic sister’s only childhood friends?” 

Not turning around, Mai let her voice fall back into its usual bored tone.“I guess it’s a shame it wasn’t Ty Lee, then.” 

“Stop that! You _know_ that’s not what I meant!” Pinching the bridge of his nose, he took one of those deep cleansing breaths Uncle always prattled on about. “What I’m saying is, don’t act like you’re the only one who’s having a hard time.”

“Oh, I’m _sorry_,” she spat, whirling around. With every word, the mask covering her face cracked more, emotion flooding the features of her face. “I forgot how hard it is for you to be the Fire Prince, son of the most powerful man in all four nations. I didn’t realize how difficult it was being the person everyone thinks killed the Avatar. I didn’t realize that being someone with power and influence and the chance to change the world was so much harder than being someone with no choices, no independence, and no _future_. Other than to keep you happy and give you heirs.” The final piece shattered. She was equal parts agony and rage. “Thank you. I’ll remember that next time.”

“Mai…” He’d always known she was hiding a lot beneath her careless expression and blase tone, but he’d never known how much. How long had this pain festered there? 

“Lately you’ve been so possessive and angry.” Staring into the embers of the fire, Mai looked like how he felt inside, and it scared him. “You’re mad because I don’t act like you lit the sun for bothering to ask me what I want every once in a while. Well, you asking doesn’t mean anything if you’re going to get mad about my answer. You may as well just do everything your way and not ask me at all.”

Her admonition lay there on the sand between them. As he looked at her, really looked at her, he realized why seeing her face dressed in shadows seemed so familiar. 

That first night in the hallway. The lanterns dancing across their skin, twisting and concealing and creating shapes that only revealed half of what lay underneath. Confusion and distrust had complicated their every word, and yet...they’d still met each other there. She’d left the comfort and the safety of her room to join him, and despite his fear, he’d fought the desire to run away. 

Were they really too far gone, now? Or had they just slipped back into the shadows? 

“Mai, I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to control you. Well, not at first. You’re right, I’ve been so wrapped up in figuring out how to _do_ this that I didn’t think about your feelings as much as I should have. I don’t know how to fix it. But I want to. I just…for so long I thought that if my Dad accepted me, I'd be happy. I'm back home now. My Dad talks to me. He even thinks I'm a hero. Everything should be perfect, right? I should be happy now, but I'm not. I'm angrier than ever and I don't know why.”

“There’s an easy way to figure that out.” She kicked a spray of sand onto the fire, stifling the flames. “Who are you angry at?” 

“No one. I'm just angry.”

“We both know that’s a lie. Why aren’t you happy, Zuko?” Now she was staring at him, her eyes focused on the spot of his chest that the dragon statue had burrowed his way into. “Is it because of me?”

“No!” He looked away, focusing on the ocean. The rhythm of the waves nearby suddenly sounded ominous, as if the outburst they’d just experienced wasn’t the worst of the storm approaching. In the dark of the night, the line where the water ended and the sky began was blurry. If he pretended the same scene was behind him, he could imagine himself surrounded by nothing but rippling bluish-black. For some reason, the thought didn’t calm him like he hoped it would. “Everyone, I don't know!”

“Is it your dad? Because this was his idea?” 

“Of course not!” The pain in his chest grew, spreading through his arms and legs. Hands clenched into fists, toes burying themselves in the sand. 

“It can’t be the Avatar; he’s dead. Is it your uncle, or Azula?”

“No, no, no, no!” Why did it feel like he was burning and drowning at the same time?

“Then who? Who are you angry at? Talk to me.” Anyone else would have come up behind him, maybe put a hand on his shoulder. But as far as he could tell, she hadn’t moved one bit. She was right to stay away from him. 

“There isn’t anyone!”

“Yes, there is. Answer the question, Zuko!” 

“I’M ANGRY AT MYSELF!” he roared, releasing all the tension in his body at once. Heat spilled into the air, the flames of the bonfire soaring above them. 

He stole a look at Mai. Stray pieces of ash from his monstrous display fell across her cheeks like stars. But her eyes showed no fear, only pity. 

“Why?” she asked. He’d expected a whisper, but the sound was clear. 

“Because I'm confused. Because I'm not sure I know the difference between right and wrong anymore.” His arms hung heavy at his sides, his chin tucked into his chest. How could he tell her? What words could he use to explain that the war, the search for the Avatar, his father’s dreams for their country, even their marriage felt like one huge lie? Not even a lie that he’d been told, but one he’d created for himself? 

“Zuko.” This time she did approach. One finger reached out to brush his wrist, and she bent her head to look him in the eye. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Startled, he stepped back. “For what?” 

“For...well…” Wrapping her arms around herself again, she turned her head towards the sea. “You shouldn’t have acted that way. At breakfast or at the restaurant. But you’re right that I haven’t been open enough with you. I guess--I was mad about a lot of things, too. And I took it out on you, which wasn’t fair.” 

“What were you mad about?” Part of him was scared to hear the answer, but it was nice to hear someone apologize to him for once. Especially when they meant it. 

Mai sighed, rubbing her hands up and down her arms. Oh, that’s right--she was cold! 

“Wait, uh, here.” Sliding off his vest, he held it out to her. “Sorry, it’s sort of sandy.”

He expected her to stare at the offering, maybe even openly reject it. But instead, she took it from him, gave it a good shake, and wrapped it around herself. “Thanks.” 

“No problem. I’m sorry I ignored you earlier when you mentioned it.” Clearing his throat, he mumbled, “Is...is that one of the reasons you were mad?” 

“No.” Sliding the hem of the vest’s fabric between her thumb and forefinger, she returned her gaze to the water. “At first, I was mad at my parents, for sending me away before Azula and Ty Lee reached Omashu. Then I was mad at everyone--the guards for following me around, and the servants for taking my knives from me. And then I was mad at your sister too, for treating the whole situation like some kind of game. I felt so alone, like I couldn’t trust anyone. But when you and I…” Biting her lip, she glanced quickly over at him before looking away again.

The memory of her lips had felt against his sprang into his mind, and he blushed.

“Things seemed good, between us. So I thought, maybe this would turn out okay. But then I realized nothing was going to change just because you liked me. Nobody asked my opinion about anything, or even talked to me like a person. Other than Azula and Ty Lee. When we went to the market that day, so many people crowded around you. No one even looked at me. I was invisible. I realized no matter how you felt about me, to the world I would always be just your wife.” Drawing the vest tighter around herself, she added, “Your stunt at breakfast made me feel like you were starting to think that way too.” 

A groan wrestled its way out of his mouth. “That was stupid. I’m such an idiot!”

“Sometimes.” Shuffling closer, she jostled his arm with her own. “But I am too. I shouldn’t have taken all of that frustration out on you.” 

Tentatively, he touched arms with her again, letting his shoulder rest against hers. “I wish I knew how to change it. I could tell the servants not to treat you like that anymore, or the guards. I can’t do much about Azula, but maybe I could make some kind of proclamation.” 

She shook her head. “I don’t want them to do it just because you say so. Being friends with Azula was like that, and it didn’t make school any easier.” A sigh. “I guess it’ll just take some time to get used to.” 

Suddenly, her head was on his shoulder. Her hair felt smooth and soft against his skin, and he had the strange impulse to hold his breath. 

“Zuko?” Her voice sounded small, but peaceful.

“Yeah?” 

“I know I haven’t acted like it. But...I do care about you.” 

The entire world jolted to a halt. 

“You do?” The smile spreading across his face felt endless. “Even after--”

_“Yes.”_ Covering his mouth with her hand, she gave him what she probably intended to be an annoyed look, but he could see a matching grin tugging at her lips. “Just don’t ever act that childish again. And I’ll be more open about my feelings. Okay?”

“Mmph.” He gently removed her hand from his mouth. The scorching heaviness that had invaded his chest earlier had disappeared, replaced with a soft warmth. “I care about you too, you know.”

“Good.” Keeping their hands linked, she began to drag him away from the water’s edge. “Now can we go back? Your vest helped a little, but it’s still cold out here.” 

“Okay, okay,” he laughed, following her up the dune. Mai walked in front, leaving shallow footprints in the sand, and he covered each of her steps with his own. 

How he could go so quickly from devastation to euphoria in one night was beyond him, but he wasn’t going to question it. Maybe it was because of what Mai had said, about getting used to things. The pain was still there, deep down, but maybe feeling confused about his place in the palace and the Avatar and everything was just temporary. He’d get used to it, and Mai would get used to it too, and they would be happy. 

_He_ would be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * - Some of the dialogue and events in this chapter are pulled from "The Beach", but reworked in a different way to fit the AU. Let me know in the comments what you think of what I did/didn't use and how I altered them! :) 
> 
> ** - In “The Beach” episode, the core four stay in Lo + Li’s beach house. Viewers don’t see the royal family’s vacation home from Zuko’s childhood in canon until Zuko breaks down the door in the second half of the episode (although the Gaang does hide out there after Azula’s siege on the Air Temple in the episodes leading up to the finale). That beach house will appear later, but I couldn’t have it be the one they were staying at because then it wouldn’t make sense for the Gaang to hide out there if Ozai’s got it on his radar, you know what I’m saying?
> 
> AUTHOR NOTE:
> 
> Apologies for how late this chapter is! It's incredibly important to their development and the AU as a whole, so I wanted to make sure it was as perfect as possible. Join us next time to find out:  
1) Where Mai was while the rest of the group was chasing after the Avatar  
2) What Azula and Ty Lee are doing while Maiko is on their beach vacation  
As always, feel free to message me or leave a comment if you have any theories, questions, or commentary! :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A game leaves Zuko with more questions than answers.

As they stepped hand-in-hand over the threshold, Zuko almost felt like he was stepping into another life. With the tension between them diffused, the place appeared more cozy and welcoming than before. Not like the space belonged to him, not yet; but less like it belonged to someone else. 

Mai’s hand broke away from his as she collapsed onto the bench closest to the door. With the concentration of a small child examining a superficial injury, she lifted her ankle into her lap and wrinkled her nose. “I _hate_ sand.” 

Using the hem of her skirt, she scrubbed fruitlessly at the skin, and he couldn’t help but smile. Was it silly of him to find her adorable? 

“Let me.” Reaching around, he slid his vest from her shoulders and brushed the widest part back and forth against her shin. Tiny granules clung to the fabric, and he wondered how difficult it would be for the laundry to remove them all. Ah, even if they couldn’t, it was okay. After spending days as a fugitive stuck in the same stained, sweaty, and dirty clothes, a little sand wouldn’t bother him. 

“My father used to do this for me and Azula back when we were kids.” Satisfied, he moved on to the other leg.

Mai leaned back on her hands, studying him. “That’s hard to imagine.”

“Well, it was a long time ago.” Finished, he stood, squishing the now soiled vest into a ball. A click of the tongue, and suddenly she was standing too, tugging the piece of clothing from out of his hands. 

“Your turn.” Turning, she opened the door just enough to stick the vest through and gave it a good shake. Then she set to work, methodically wiping down each leg from knee to toes. 

“You don’t have to,” he stammered, feeling ridiculous and pleased all at once. 

Ignoring him, she flipped the fabric to the other side and stood. “There.” 

“Thanks.” His throat felt dry. This close, she smelled like the smoke from the baptism of ashes his tantrum had given her earlier, mixed with a sharp hint of salt. 

Apparently she’d noticed it too. “Ugh, I need a bath.”

“Me too,” he said without thinking, only to quickly sputter, “I mean--after you! You can go first--not that I’m telling you what to do, it’s up to you of course--ah--”

“Okay.” For once, she didn’t bother to hide the tiny grin that betrayed her amusement. He would have been indignant about it, if he hadn’t been so relieved not to have offended her. Taking the vest with her, she padded softly into the other room.

Nothing to do now but wait. Pushing any thoughts related to Mai bathing out of his mind, he settled for pacing up and down the hall. 

Even though the tension between the two of them had dissipated, he still felt something--insecurity? Guilt?--stirring under his skin. What he’d said on the beach was true: everything was so mixed up, and he felt confused and angry at himself for not knowing how to sort it all out. Mai’s confession of care may have lulled the dragon in his chest to sleep, but all his other problems were keeping the creature lodged inside him. 

But he couldn’t waste time panicking over the Avatar, or wondering whether Azula was badmouthing him to their father, or feeling guilty over Uncle. The main focus right now was Mai. More specifically, enjoying what little of their trip they hadn’t already wasted by bickering and misunderstanding each other. 

“Your turn.”As if on cue, Mai appeared once more, squeezing the ends of her soaked hair into a cloth. “I filled the tub with fresh water, but I couldn’t figure out how to heat it up. So it’s not very warm.”

“That’s okay. Thanks.” 

“They left nightclothes in the bathing room for us.” One hand holding the cloth to her hair, she used the other hand to gesture to the loose red pants and a long sleeved tunic that had replaced her beachwear. “They all look the same though.”

“Guess we’ll have to match.” A smile that he couldn’t explain punctuated his words. 

“How obnoxious.” Despite her words, her lips curved to mirror his. “Hurry up.”

“I’m going, I’m going,” he sighed, purposely slowing his gait to a lion-turtle’s crawl. She didn’t laugh, but the way she shook her head, still smiling, was enough of a reward. 

He flinched as he dipped one foot into the half-filled stone tub. She had been right about the water being lukewarm. Luckily his bending easily fixed that problem. As he scrubbed the salt residue from his skin, he noticed there was only one clay pot of water left in the corner of the room. He’d have to ensure the servants would bring more tomorrow, for when he and Mai inevitably returned home from the day’s activities covered in sand again. 

They actually looked pretty heavy, the water pots. How had Mai lifted them by herself? She was so small. Although, with the amount of blades she carried around on a daily basis, she had to be stronger than she looked...

The soap slipped from his hand and dove into the water, disappearing. Cursing, he swept both palms against the bottom of the tub, finding it only to lose it again. It was like trying to catch a fish without a line...suddenly, a memory of attempting that very task while under banishment popped into his mind. 

He’d spent what felt like hours trying, his frustration growing as Uncle did nothing but calmly watch. He could still remember the sensation of his fingers scrabbling desperately against the pebbles coating the bottom of the river, one fish after another squirming deftly out of his grasp. 

_“It’s no use!” he’d finally roared, fists heating as his chi surged. “We might as well starve!”_

_“Patience, nephew,” Uncle had chastised in that irritatingly serene tone, kneeling by the water and studying his reflection. “Speed and power are important, but the most important thing is knowing how to wait until the right moment.”_

_“Easy for you to say. You’ve been standing there watching me this whole time!” At the time, he’d felt so stupid and useless. Not capturing the Avatar was one thing, but a fish?!_

_“Watch.” Uncle had stared unblinkingly at the water. His expression was so intense, Zuko had only ever seen its equal when the man had been contemplating a particularly devastating move in a game of Pai Sho. Then, with the agility of a man half his age, the General had plunged his hand into the water, a silver fish wriggling in his grip._

_“There? You see!” The man grinned triumphantly. Of course, Zuko had just groaned about why he couldn’t have just done that in the first place if it was so simple, instead of wasting so much time watching him fail._

_“Failure is another lesson in itself. You think I learned how to do anything without failing? I had to spend many days chasing fish, just like you.” He let out a belly laugh, and although Zuko hadn’t laughed with him, secretly he’d felt the tiniest bit better._

Finally trapping the soap under his knee, he sighed. “You were a crazy old fool, Uncle. But you weren’t wrong about everything.”

Once he felt satisfactorily clean, he dried off and put on his own set of nightclothes. There was a small moment of panic when he couldn’t figure out how to empty the tub, until he discovered a stopper in the bottom that when yanked, uncovered a small hole. Upon closer inspection, he realized the hole was not only bored through the tub but the floor below, all the way down into the ground underneath the house. By the time he’d joined Mai in the front room, she’d migrated to lying on one of the fainting couches against the window. 

“Took you long enough. I thought you drowned,” she teased, drawing up her knees so he could sit.

“Ha ha.” Instinct was to pull her ankles over his lap, but something in him warned that would be too familiar. Plus, with a sharp object in her hand, the risk of him getting stabbed (either by accident or on purpose) was far too great. “So, what now?”

“I don’t know.” The blade disappeared into her sleeve. “There are some tam cúc cards on the table over there.”

“Ugh, Azula and I used to play that. She always beat me.” Reaching for the cards anyway, he couldn’t help but add, “Just like she does at everything.” 

Mai shifted to a sitting up position. “I forgot to tell you. Azula’s not home with your dad like she wants you to think.” 

“What?” A few of the cards popped loose from the deck, and he hurriedly collected them from the floor. “Where is she then?” 

“Ty Lee didn’t say.” Gently, she took the cards to shuffle them herself. “All she let slip was that they were going on some mission involving an interrogation at one of the war prisons.* She didn’t mention which one.”

“Huh.” Typical Azula, trying to make him feel inferior. But that meant his father hadn’t singled him out, so maybe...maybe this trip wasn’t supposed to be a punishment at all. Not that it was turning out to be anyway. But now that she’d mentioned Azula and Ty Lee, he wanted to take advantage of the fact that it was just the two of them. No distractions, no interruptions. They could finally get what they’d wanted, before things between them had soured: time alone, to get to know each other again. 

Oblivious to his thoughts, Mai began to count out the cards. On impulse, he put his hand on top of hers.

“Wait. Let’s change the game.” 

Bewilderment painted her expression, only to melt into intrigue. “What do you mean?”

“Half a deck each. We each put down a card--same rank--and whoever has the higher card gets to ask the other person a question. Anything they want.”

A smirk. “Do they have to tell the truth when they answer?”

Taking a deep breath, he looked her straight in the eye. “I will.” 

A moment of silence, but she didn’t look away. Then, a nod. 

“You go first, then.” She placed his half of the deck in between them, keeping her own half at her side. 

Boldly, he started with the bottom card instead of the one on top. “Chariot.”

Removing a card from the middle of her deck, she peeked at it and sighed. “Ugh, soldier. Okay, ask me something.” 

“Uh…” What to ask, what to ask? All he could think of were Uncle’s silly suggestions from that last time he’d gone on a date in Ba Sing Se! Maybe he should have prepared better for this. 

“What’s your favorite weapon? Like to throw?”

She seemed surprised by his question. “I don’t have a favorite.”

“Oh.” He looked down, scraping his thumbnail against the card. “Sorry.”

“It’s that they’re for different purposes.” Reaching into her sleeve, she produced three metal blades hugged between her fingers, each one a different shape and size. “Like this one you use to pin someone down, this one if you want to cause more intense body damage, or this one to slice through something.” She shrugged and slid them back into place. “It’s good to have a variety, since you never know what you’ll need them for.” 

“Have you used that one? The body damage one?” 

Mischief sparkled in her eyes, although her expression remained stoic. “One question per card. Elephant.”

“Elephant. But yours is red, so you win.” 

“I heard you went to the North and South Poles. What was it like there?”

“Cold,” he began, only to be interrupted by her card bouncing off his chest. 

“I know it’s cold! I mean what’s it like to see the Water Nation? Do they really live in houses made of snow and eat raw fish?” 

“I’m pretty sure they cook it...and there is a lot of snow, but they have tents and huts too. In the South anyway. The North’s buildings are made of stone, I think. Big, multiple stories, too. They actually look a lot like ours, behind the wall. What I saw anyway.”

Mai shuddered. “Still. I would hate to live where there’s snow all the time.”

“Yeah. It was weird. The North and South were supposed to be two parts of the same nation, but they seemed totally different. Like they didn’t belong to the same one at all.”

“Well, they are an entire world apart.” Mai pointed out. “It doesn’t matter. After the war is over, they’ll both be united under the Fire Nation. I’m sure your dad will make all the buildings and whatnot look cohesive then.” 

“I guess,” he murmured, her words blurring together in his mind. 

“I guess we should feel lucky he didn’t build us a vacation home in the South Pole.” 

He didn’t reply, now entirely lost in his thoughts. When he’d first located the Avatar in the endless white blanket of the South, he’d felt as dismissive about the Water Tribe inhabitants as Mai was. To him, they were nothing but primitive peasants. Same with the North: just a bunch of old fools, obsessed with their archaic traditions. His own preoccupation with the Avatar had distracted him from noticing the nuances of either culture, to be sure. But he did remember one thing in particular: everyone living in the South was either an old woman or a child. Even the Avatar himself had barely reached his teen years. In the North, where the Fire Nation had not yet infiltrated, there had been many adult men and many benders. Their tribe had thrived behind the barricades--so much so that it had almost killed him to sneak inside. In the South, there were no barriers, no soldiers. Just a few melting snow towers and a band of young boys. For all the talk of the Fire Nation’s impact on the conquered territories, the direct comparison between the tribe it had won and the tribe it had not was not at all what was promised. 

What would become of the Poles after the war, when his father had conquered both halves of the Water Nation? Would there be large buildings, bustling economic ports, colonies of happy, unified citizens? Or would they both look like the Southern Tribe did now?

Would those old women and children even still be there? 

“Zuko?” Mai leaned forward, framing his face between both palms. “Are you okay?”

Pulling himself out of his mental spiral, he gently removed her hands. “Yeah, sorry. Next card is...horse.”

“Advisor.” Hesitating, she half-joked, “But if I ask another question, you might zone out on me again.”

_Don’t ruin this_, he scolded himself. The whole point of the game was to learn about each other, not to reflect on his banishment. He should be looking forward to the future instead of back towards the past. “I won’t, I promise. What do you want to know?”

“Hm…” She studied him seriously, one hand balancing her chin and the other twirling the winning card between her fingers. “What was it like to fight the Avatar? Were you scared?”

“No--well, yes, but no.” he said. “I mean, kind of--he was different than I thought he would be. Young.”

“Young?” She tapped the card against her mouth as she considered this. “I guess that’s a good disguise. People are more likely to dismiss you when you don’t look as dangerous as you are.”

Something made Zuko very sure that the boy’s age wasn’t a choice nor war tactic, but he decided to let that argument lie. “At first, fighting against him was so strange. The way airbending works is so different from any bending style I’ve ever experienced. Even Uncle had never sparred against someone with that ability before. I mean, I guess everyone’s learned about the Air Nomads in history class, but I didn’t expect airbending to be so…I don’t know.”

“He used airbending to fight you?” The card stilled. 

“Mostly. I guess that’s why it was so hard to capture him in the beginning--because I wasn’t used to that.” Flustered, he busied himself with reshuffling his half of the deck. “After a while, he would bend earth and water too. When I first started searching, I assumed he controlled all of the four elements, like the scrolls tell you. But even though that wasn’t true, it didn’t matter. He was powerful, whether he used one type of bending or three.”

“Wow.” Mai’s eyes were wide, like a child hearing a ghost story for the first time. “No wonder Azula needed your help to kill him.”

First instinct was to kiss her, but he held back. He knew she would only say such a thing because it would make him feel less like a loser, and he adored her for that. But the Avatar was still alive, and even though he couldn’t tell her that, he could at least try to lie to her about it as little as possible. So instead of kissing her--which he REALLY wanted to do--he drew another card. 

“General!” he crowed. “And it’s red, so no matter what, I win!”

“And no matter what, I lose.” Mai rolled her eyes, showing him her pick: a soldier image in black. “Well?”

“When you first arrived, Ty Lee said they went to your house in the colonies, so you could join my sister in her search for the Avatar. But you weren’t there. Where were you?” 

Almost as soon as the words had left his mouth, he could see that it was a dangerous question. Mai’s whole body stiffened, her posture straightening to a level that would have pleased the most persnickety of etiquette instructors. He could practically see the mask forming over her face, and in desperation, he reached for her hand. 

“Hey, never mind! You don’t have to talk about that. Just--just don’t do that.”

“Do what?” she asked, confusion allowing some of the tension to slip from her shoulders. 

“Shut me out.” His thumb brushed along her knuckles in a manner that he hoped felt soothing. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that.”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s just a really long story. ” Her hand pulled away, only to return, her fingers weaving in between his. “I’ll tell you another time, but not tonight. Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow.” he agreed, trying not to stare at their linked hands in joyful disbelief. 

“Ask me something else.” 

“Okay.” Hopefully this question went over better than the last one. “After the war is over, and we can visit any place we want. Where do you want to go first?”

Quiet, Mai pondered this for a moment. As they sat in a comfortable silence, she absentmindedly rocked their linked hands towards him and then herself in a push-pull rhythm. She probably didn’t realize she was doing it, but the affectionate nature of the action still made Zuko feel giddy inside.

“How am I supposed to answer that?” she finally said. “All of the colonies look the same--I wasn’t in Omashu long, but there was barely anything to see there. I would hate the snow, so the Poles are out. And the mountains have been abandoned for a hundred years.” 

“Maybe the mountains wouldn’t be so bad then,” he mused, shifting closer. “There would be no one around to bother us.”

“Us?” The corner of her mouth twitched. “Oh, so you just want us to be stuck in the middle of nowhere together. I see now.”

“No, I’m just saying--”

Her laugh, bright and clear, startled him into silence. “I know. I’m just teasing you.” Leaning forwards, she tapped their foreheads together. “I’m glad, after all the fighting, that you still want to be alone with me. Even somewhere like the mountains.” 

* * * * * * * * 

“Ok, so for this next part, you have to promise to let me finish before you say anything!” Zuko warned, adjusting his posture into what he hoped looked like an authoritative position. 

“Why don’t you want us to talk?” Katara asked, her tone suspicious. “Did you do something you know we’ll make fun of you for?”

“The next part isn’t what it sounds like, that’s all.” A blush was already starting to creep up his neck. Hopefully the dim light of the fire didn’t betray its presence. Lucky for him Toph was the one sitting the closest.

“Oh, I think it’s obvious what’s coming up next,” Sokka said slyly, pulling Suki so close that she may as well have been in his lap. “Now that you and Mai made up, you’re gonna try and kiss her again!”

“I hope so!” Hands clasped under his chin, Aang looked just as enraptured as all of those front-row seaters at the 'Love Amongst the Dragons' showings that Zuko had frequented as a child. “Even though you fought, she said she cares about you. That means she still likes you!”

Suki nodded in agreement, nestling further into her boyfriend’s embrace. “I gotta say, I understand why Mai was so upset during your fight. I can’t imagine having all my independence taken away, only to spend the rest of my life in the background.”

“She’s so young, too!” 

“Yeah, is that a Fire Nation thing?”

Katara sniffed. “At least Northern Water Tribe girls usually have some kind of choice in the matter. How old was your girlfriend when she was betrothed, Sokka?”

“Girlfriend?” Suki raised an eyebrow, leaning slightly out of Sokka’s reach. 

A flame lit inside Zuko’s brain. “Oh, the girl you told me about. On the way to the prison!”

The eyebrow’s arch deepened. “Wait, so you talked to him about some other girl but didn’t mention me at all?” 

Sokka shot him a glare that clearly read _Thanks for throwing me under the airship._ “Guys, we’re not talking about my former--emphasis on the FORMER--girlfriend!” The Water Tribe warrior’s hands grabbed at the air, trying to draw Suki back into a hug. “We’re talking about Zuko and Mai and how they’re totally about to kiss!”

Toph crossed her arms and smirked. “So what happened, Sparky? You and the Mrs. come through on that or not?”

“Toph!” Hands clamping over his ears, Katara shot the earthbender a glare so intense, Zuko wondered if she could actually see it. “Don’t ask that!”

“No--that’s exactly what--I said it isn’t what it sounds like!” Zuko sputtered, his cheeks warming in a way that was decidedly not firebend-y. “Just because we’re on a honeymoon doesn’t mean--this is why I said wait until I was finished!”

“Well, you should have just kept going if you didn’t want us to react,” Suki said cooly, patting the scandalized Waterbender on the arm. “Now you’re putting ideas in everyone’s heads.”

“Aw, it’s okay, Zuko. Not everybody has the gift of seduction.” Sokka waggled his eyebrows at his own girlfriend in such a way that Zuko could immediately tell 1) Sokka had never successfully seduced anyone in his life, and 2) based on the look Suki was giving the guy, that fact would likely remain true for tonight. 

“It was getting sort of late, so we decided to cut the game short for the night. Then we realized we had to figure out where to sleep.” 

A chorus of “ooooh!”-s punctuated his last word. 

Agni, he was almost regretting switching sides. 

* * * * * * * 

“You take the bed.” Zuko eyed the offending piece of furniture warily. Bordered by a hefty, dark wooden frame, the dark red mattress looked to be the width of his torso. From what he could see of the matching blanket pulled taut around each corner, it looked thin enough to offset the hot beach weather, yet still of substantial quality so as to provide the highest level of comfort. A thick layer of pillows covered the top of the bed itself, almost begging for someone to leap face first into the pile. It looked perfectly welcoming, but he was smart enough to know that it was also incredibly dangerous. 

“Zuko.” Arms akimbo, Mai gave him a look. “You’re not sleeping on the floor.” 

“I was thinking the foyer,” he protested, even though the floor had actually been his original plan all along. “It’s fine, really.”

For a moment, she squinted at him in silence. Just when he’d thought he’d won, she announced, “This is silly.”

“Well, I won’t argue with that--”

“We’re married. And even if we weren’t, we’re two mature, reasonable people. We can sleep in the same bed for one night without making it weird.”

Zuko felt his jaw drop and his inner monologue cease. When his brain finally started working again, only one thought came to his mind: _This has to be a trick._

“I’m serious,” she said. Her facial expression was serene, her shoulders loose and without tension. How could she be so calm about something as--as _scandalous_ as--

Well, she had a point. They were married, so there was no scandal to be had. In regards to society, anyway. But still! 

Unaware of his panic, Mai began rearranging the pile of fluffy red cushions. “Come on. Ty Lee and I slept in the same bed plenty of times during sleepovers at the academy. Didn’t you and your Uncle ever have to share during your banishment?” 

“No! And besides, sleeping next to Ty Lee or my Uncle isn’t the same as--as sleeping next to someone you’re married to!”

“It’s just sleeping.” Her tone of voice sounded like a patient nursemaid, reassuring a small child that he could step into a puddle without his foot melting forever. “And it’s a big bed, it’s not like we’ll be on top of each other.”

Wasn’t THAT a mental picture that he really didn’t need right now. Her expression betrayed nothing but innocence, but he still shot her a glare. “I know that!”

“Here.” Methodically, she formed the army of pillows into a line running down the middle of the mattress, stretching from the headboard to the footboard. “Now there’s a barrier between us. Pick a side.”

“You pick,” he said, crossing his arms stubbornly.

Rolling her eyes, she crawled onto the left side. 

Following her lead, he scooched his body as close to the makeshift barrier as he could without moving the pillows. Even though he was glad for the simple solution, he still felt awkward knowing she was so close by. Even more embarrassing was the tiny voice in his head reminding him that had he not thrown such a fit about having something between them, he would be staring into her beautiful eyes right now. 

Agni, he was stupid. 

Suddenly, Mai’s voice broke through the dark. “It’s like Ba Sing Se.”

“Yeah,” he admitted. Then, before he could think it through: “Can we hold hands?” 

He expected her to complain, to remind him that he had been the one to worry about physical contact in the first place. Instead, there was only a shuffling noise, and then five slender white fingers appeared over the pillow right next to his arm. 

Clasping her hand in his, he closed his eyes. “Goodnight, Mai.”

“Goodnight,” came the whispered reply. 

Maybe he was so close to sleep, he imagined it. But it felt like as his wife said her final goodnight, she squeezed his hand tighter. 

* * * * * * 

Hugging Momo to his chest, Aang let out an “Awwwww!”

Suki and Katara traded a look before the Waterbender spoke: “Okay, that’s pretty cute.” 

“Yeah, when you guys aren’t at each other’s throats, you’re actually kind of sweet.”

“Tell us more!” 

“Yeah, there’s still so much we don’t know. Even with that question game.”

“I wanna hear about where she was when your sister showed up at her house!” 

“Guys, guys. It’s getting late, and we have a big day of battle planning and “How to Take Down A Firelord” scheming ahead of us!” At some point during the story, Sokka had put on his Wang Fire beard, which he now stroked in what he assumed to be a wise fashion. “We’ll continue tomorrow night, after dinner.”

To Zuko’s surprise, the group actually listened instead of arguing: Aang scooped up Momo in his arms and headed to check on Appa one last time before bed, Toph earthbended some dirt onto the dying bonfire, and Katara and Suki walked off arm-in-arm. 

Rubbing his scar-side eye with the heel of his hand, Zuko almost made it back to his tent without incident. Before he could secure the flaps, however, the bearded nonbender popped his head in for a final comment. 

“Also, major missed joke opportunity. That pillow wall was begging to be called Bed Sing Se.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * - If your guess is that the prisoner they’re going to interrogate is Suki, you’re correct! We know Azula has visited her multiple times over the course of her imprisonment because of her taunts to Sokka in the “Day of the Black Sun” episode, so I figured it was a fitting replacement errand for Ozai to send her on. 
> 
> AUTHOR'S NOTE:
> 
> I know I said we'd get into Mai's backstory this chapter, but it was getting super long. So it looks like we're gonna have an extra honeymoon chapter where we learn some more about Mai's story and get some answers as to how this whole arranged marriage thing came about...as well as some clues as to why. *insert wink here*
> 
> As always, feel free to hop in the comments or message me about your thoughts, theories, or just general comments on ATLA in general. Thanks for the support and for continuing to join us on this fun and dramatic AU journey!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mai explains her journey from the colony in Omashu to becoming Zuko’s wife.

Before joining the Avatar’s group, Zuko had considered himself an easily irritated person. Now that he was a fully fledged member, he was certain he had vastly underestimated his sensitivity to bothersome behavior. Maybe it was just the imminent approach of the comet getting on people’s nerves, but lately, everyone was ten times more annoying than usual. If he exhaled loudly in frustration one more time, he was going to throw himself off the edge of the mountain. 

It didn’t help that much of the annoyance was related to begging for spoilers from the Mai story. It had been a while since they’d gotten the opportunity to continue, thanks to a series of frankly ridiculous events.

While testing out a homemade explosive, Teo and Sokka had accidentally destroyed a corner of the temple. This sent Aang into a frenzy so intense, he refused to continue bending training until the damage was repaired. Fortunately, thanks to the talents of airbender, Toph, and Haru, the problem was remedied after several hours. Unfortunately, Sokka then insisted that noise and debris from the reconstruction had revealed their position to any passerby.* This incited what seemed like a century-long debate as to whether the group should switch camps. Of course Katara had pointed out that the whole thing was Sokka’s fault in the first place, at which point the debate dissolved into an argument over something that had happened eight years ago involving seal blubber. Even Hakoda couldn’t assuage the situation. Then of course Chit Seng decided it was the perfect time to mention to Suki that if she ever got tired of her super-emotional boyfriend, he was available...a statement which sent his very present prison girlfriend into a rage of her own. By the time everyone had made up and agreed to let bygones be bygones, it had been days since the last time he’d mentioned Mai. And everybody felt it. 

Aang had tried bargaining for tidbits during training: “If I get this form right, will you give me a hint about where Mai was while you were gone?” 

Sokka had gone the more subtle route: “Gosh, I just love kissing Suki. We’ve kissed, like, hundreds of times. Hey, Zuko--when was the last time you kissed Mai? On your honeymoon?”

Ever the sly ones, Toph and Katara had formed some kind of weird alliance and ambushed him while he was gathering firewood. “Tell us what happens next in the story, Zuko! Don’t act like you don’t know what we’re talking about, Zuko! Get back here, Zuko!”

And Suki? Suki would just sit there and sigh, wait for him to ask what was wrong, and then say, “Oh, I was thinking about Mai. You know? I have SO many questions. If only someone had the answers...and shared them...” 

But rules were rules, and he wasn’t going to stab himself in the foot by giving information to one person when the entire group wanted to hear it. Finally, the opportunity came: the night was clear, the rest of the group was either asleep or on patrol, and everyone was ready to listen. 

Well, mostly everyone. Momo appeared to have dozed off atop Aang’s shoulders. 

* * * * * * * * 

Waking up on Ember Island felt like waking up in a different lifetime. The plush mattress, sunlight filtering through diaphanous red gauze covering the windows, firm pillows pressed against his back. Most different of all was the calm distance between himself and the rest of the world. Not that he was trapped in the palace, per se--but when he awoke there, the weight of others’ expectations hung heavy in the morning air. In this moment, he was just Zuko. Nothing more. 

Turning over, he fought back a yawn and peered over to check on Mai. Fear sliced through his drowsiness when he saw her side of the bed lay empty. 

Stumbling out of bed, he almost face planted into the doorframe. Somehow he made it to the foyer unharmed. There, he found Mai, fully dressed, sitting on a blanket on the floor. 

“Finally, you’re awake.” she tsked, gesturing for him to come sit. On the blanket was a series of small plates and bowls: rice porridge, fruits, sprouts, and pastries. A small clay teapot weighed down one corner of the blanket, a thin stream of steam blooming from the spout. The image of his breath in the frigid air of the North Pole forced its way into his mind, and he quickly shook it away. 

“What’s all this?”

She gave him an exasperated look. “A picnic. Inside.” _Duh._

“Where’d you get from?” Sitting cross legged, he reached for a napkin. 

“I didn’t. Servants brought it. That lady from when we first arrived.” As she spoke, she filled a bowl with sweet-smelling porridge and passed it over. “Lucky that they announced themselves when they came in this morning. I heard the door open and was ready to put a blade in their throats.”  
“Not the best morning greeting.” He smiled, and after a moment, she smiled back. 

“You’re a sound sleeper.” She added some berries to her plate, paused, then added a few more. “Have you always been that way?”

“No.” Frankly, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept so soundly. Part of him believed it was her presence that made the difference. Would it be too forward to say so? 

“I was thinking.” The fruit had left a watery reddish pool on her plate. Tearing off a piece of a roll, she used it to mop up the mess. A silly small thing to notice, to be sure, but he did.

It reminded him of living in Ba Sing Se. Their dishes had been wooden then, typical for the lower class, who couldn’t afford ceramic or metal plates. Rarely could they afford anything fresh like fruit, but in the rare instances they did, it always came with the caveat of staining the wood. No matter how hard you scrubbed, the color remained. Not only did it make all your dishes look dirty, it was a permanent reminder of that one time you had eaten fruit…a reminder no one wanted when they could no longer afford anything other than slop. 

Clay plates didn’t stain--when Mai popped the saturated roll into her mouth, not a trace of the juice was left behind.

“So?”

“Huh?” 

Tilting her head, she studied him with concerned eyes. “I said I’d like to go to the market today. To get a present for my brother. Is that okay?”

“Sure.” Plastering his most reassuring grin across his face, he shoved all the thoughts of his banishment far deep into the back of his mind. “Can I come?”

Concern melted into mischief. “I suppose. After our very appropriate display in the restaurant last night, I’m sure the locals will have all kinds of theories about our relationship if they see me wandering the island alone.” 

“Can’t have that.” He smiled again. With her, it felt like he was smiling more and more. A new thing for him. 

“But before we go…” Leaning forward, she smoothed the top of his head with her palm. “We’ve got to do something about your bedhead.”

From what he’d witnessed during his travels, he expected the market to be loud, crowded, and buzzing with energy. Instead, the environment was just as tranquil as the rest of the island. Brightly colored canopies lined the edge of a clean stone road, leading down to the beach. Well-dressed upper class citizens--mostly elderly women and groups of young girls--quietly perused the tea sets and bolts of cloth and jewelry. There were no shouts from the artisans advertising their wares, no boisterous attempts at haggling, no street urchins pickpocketing unsuspecting buyers. The Fire Nation symbol was everywhere you looked--stamped into gold and silver pendants, embroidered onto handkerchiefs and coin purses, emblazoned on flags hung on tall poles behind each booth. Looking down, Zuko realized it had even been etched into the stones beneath their feet. 

They walked hand-in-hand down the rows, stopping only briefly here and there. If anyone recognized them, they didn’t show it. He’d forgone the topknot today; maybe leaving his hair loose covered the scar somewhat? Or maybe everyone here was too wrapped up in enjoying their vacation to focus on whoever else was around. Regardless, it was nice to feel anonymous again. An unexpected revelation, as he’d spent so long trying to regain a position of importance.

Finally, Mai stopped at a modest booth with a blue canopy. A tiny old man with a funny shaped hat sat inside, whittling a piece of wood into a platypus bear figurine. Giving the man a polite nod, Mai sifted through the large baskets of wooden toys, delicate fingers examining each one expertly. 

“How old is Tom Tom now?” Zuko asked, inspecting a little boat the length of his thumb.

“A few months away from turning three,” Mai murmured, discarding a small six-piece puzzle. “He’s pretty curious, for his age. I want to find something that will hold his interest.” 

“What does he usually like to play with?” 

“I don’t know.” Her bottom lip found its way between her teeth. “When my parents learned my mom was having another baby, I was still finishing my lessons at the Academy. It didn’t seem like big news from that far away. Then he was born, I was home, and everything was weird. But not weird like _he_ was weird. He wasn’t really anything. I didn’t think babies were all that interesting.” Something that sounded like a laugh escaped her lips. “I suppose I still don’t. But when we moved to Omashu, it was like he got so much older all of a sudden. Crawling around, babbling, getting into trouble. You could see that he was going to be a real person soon.” Tracing the curved snout of a dragon, she shrugged again. “When they first sent me away, I thought I wouldn’t miss too much, because I would be back in a few weeks. But now…”

“Now you don’t know when you’ll see him again.” Zuko finished. 

“It’s not that big of a deal.” Seeming almost nervous, Mai began to arrange the toys in the basket into neat groups, all standing upright. “I guess I just want him to know I didn’t forget about him. And to make sure he doesn’t forget about me.” 

“Of course he won’t.” For a moment, he was at a loss. Then, something caught his eye. “What’s that over there?”

Pulling her by the hand, he approached a tall, broad-shouldered woman with thick eyebrows. On the table in front of her lay a menagerie of hand-sewn animals: hippo rhinos, shirshu, phoenixes, and there on the end, a yellow and brown turtleduck.

Pointing at it, he turned to Mai. Looking like she was biting back a laugh, she nodded.

“How much for this guy?” he asked, lifting the toy by its shell. A pair of tiny cloth legs dangled in the air, framing the woman’s bewildered look. 

“Two silver pieces.”

“Done!” 

As they strode towards the beach, victory compelled him to carry the toy in the crook of his arm with as much care as if it were an honest breathing duckling he’d snatched from the pond. Lucky for him, Mai seemed to find this charming rather than ridiculous.

As they passed the last booth, Mai paused. Rows of ribbons hung from the rafters of the canopy, blowing gracefully in the wind. Strange--she didn’t seem like someone who liked that sort of thing. 

Lifting her hand, she caught a thin length of seashell pink between her fingers, and Zuko understood. 

“Ty Lee would like that a lot.”

“She would.” Instead of yanking the rest of the ribbon down, she set it free. “Let’s go.”

They made their way towards the edge of where stone met sand, and he couldn’t help but ask: “Why didn’t you get it for her?” 

A deep sigh. “If I get Ty Lee a souvenir, I have to get one for Azula too. And I think we both know beach trinkets aren’t her style.” 

A fair point. “Well, at least you know your brother will love his gift.”

“You’re just saying that because you picked it out,” she teased. But she seemed lighter, happier, and it thrilled him that he’d played a part in that. 

The air was cooler today than it had been yesterday; as a result, the beach was almost empty, save a few families playing by the shoreline. The pair settled on the edge of the sandy hill, their backs to the market. In front of them lay the ocean, sparkling almost white in the sunlight. Unlike the murky waters near the Earth nation coast or the greyish-blue seas surrounding the Poles, the water here was clear; pristine. Zuko plopped the turtleduck into Mai’s lap as if it were watching the waves with them, earning a coveted laugh. 

Gathering up his courage, he dared to ask the question that had been brewing since last night: “So. You said your parents sent you away. Where exactly did they send you off to?”

* * * * * *

“Aw man, here’s where it gets boring!” Toph groaned. 

Zuko felt his eyes bulge so intensely, it wouldn’t have surprised him if they’d ended up on the ground in front of him. “What are you talking about? You guys have been badgering me for days about this part!” 

Clearing his throat, Aang interjected, “I think what Toph means is, this part is basically just you telling us what Mai said…”

“So you doing a lot of talking about someone else doing a lot of talking,” Suki finished.

“BORING.” 

“Hey, don’t listen to these guys!” Throwing an arm around Zuko’s shoulders, Sokka gave the rest of the group a smug look. “They just know they made the wrong bets about where Mai was and what she was doing. Go on, Zuko. Tell ‘em who was right!”

“Bets?” Delicately, he removed Sokka’s arm from his shoulder. 

Sliding in between them to form a human shield, Suki blurted, “While you and Aang were doing firebending earlier, we may have set up a minor betting pool about what we think Mai’s backstory is going to be. No big deal!”

Yup, his eyes were definitely ending up on the ground sooner rather than later. “So everyone except Aang and I have been making stuff up and gambling over it?!” 

“Well…” ‘Guilty’ was not a descriptor he would usually use for Aang, but the way the teen was sheepishly twiddling his thumbs indicated that it was more than accurate. “Katara may have filled me in during our post-bending cooldown, and I may have shared my thoughts...”

“It’s not _gambling_, just having everyone guess and seeing who’s right.” Katara folded her arms primly. “There isn’t any money involved.” 

Maybe he was imagining it, but Sokka and Toph’s identical facial expressions made him question whether everyone here shared Katara’s moral code. 

“The winner just gets bragging rights,” Suki agreed, letting her boyfriend drag her by the shoulders until she was a safe distance away from the angry firebender. 

“And we couldn’t include you because you already know the answers.” 

“How about this?” Uh oh, Aang was using his ‘diffusing conflict’ voice. “Zuko, why don’t you have us all guess as you tell us what Mai said? Then you know exactly who thought what, and nobody will be bored. Sound fair?” 

“No, but I guess I’m outnumbered.” Scratching patterns in the dirt, he debated where to start. “So, as you guys know, Mai was in New Omashu at first.”

* * * * * *

“I’d never been outside of the Fire Nation before. You’d think starting a new life in a new place would be anything but boring. But the colony was probably the dullest place ever. Dad was so busy dealing with rebels, but they never seemed to actually cause any trouble. Mom wouldn’t let me practice my knife-throwing, and it’s not like we had any friends. Life was just dirt and small talk. Then rumors started going around about Princess Azula making an appearance at the traveling circus only a few miles away.

Of course by now it was old news that you and your uncle were fugitives, and everyone had heard about General Zhao’s failure in the North. It was obvious what Azula was doing, even without a formal announcement. My parents were smart enough to realize that if she went to the trouble of tracking down Ty Lee, I was next. They also knew even if I could refuse, I probably wouldn’t. Azula’s my friend, even though she’s crazy sometimes. And she respects me--or at least, my weaponry skills--in a way they don’t. Of course, they thought I couldn’t tell how worried they were. But when they told me I was going on a surprise trip alone, I knew it was to keep me away from her.”

* * * * * * 

“Wait! I’m confused.” Katara raised her hand. “I thought Mai’s parents were obsessed with making your dad like them. Wouldn’t they want her to help Azula then?” 

“Maybe they were trying to protect her,” Suki reasoned. “They’re still her mom and dad. I’m sure they know how dangerous your sister is.” 

A cough came from Toph’s corner. “Can I just say, dirt and small talk seems like the best kind of life to me.” 

Aang added, “And Omashu was tons of fun before the Fire Nation took it over!” 

“Anyway. Do we have any guesses about where Mai’s family sent her?”

“Um...some cave in the middle of nowhere?”

“Finishing school!’

“She already went to school.”

“Prison? Did they send her to prison?”

“What kind of guess is that?!”

“You’re all wrong!” Taking in their disappointed faces, Zuko thought that maybe there was some fun to this betting thing after all. “A friend of her father named Commissioner Tsu has two daughters. They went to the same Academy as my sister, but Mai wasn’t close with them. So her dad sent her to their house in the Fire Nation to get to know them better.” 

“That’s...such a boring answer.” Suki said honestly. 

“Well, yeah. But it gets more interesting as it goes.”

* * * * * *

“Looking back, I should have thrown a fit. But I was used to doing what I was told, even though I didn’t hide how unhappy it made me. And I guess some small, selfish part of me was relieved that I wouldn’t end up in the middle of the war. 

I thought I’d be glad to be back in the Fire Nation. But Commissioner Tsu’s daughters made Omashu look like an adventure. They were nice enough, I suppose. They followed all the rules about being good upper class girls. But because I was friends with Azula, they wanted to suck as much information out of me as possible. All they did was sit and gossip, walk around the town and gossip, drink tea and gossip...ugh. Not even good gossip, either. There are only so many times you can talk about who’s marrying whom and who has a new dress and who might be named mayor of what town. It’s like they forget a war is going on...or they just don’t care.

Then one day during dinner, the Commissioner received a letter. I was so desperate for an escape from the monotony, I convinced him to read it aloud to all of us. If there’s one thing I learned from my mother, it’s how to put pressure on someone so politely that they can’t refuse. It was a notice from the Royal Armory about plans for a drill...to invade Ba Sing Se.

His daughters changed the topic to something silly. Hairstyles, I think. But I knew the only person crazy enough to take on Ba Sing Se after your Uncle failed was Azula. And I was so bored, and so mad at my parents. I decided I had to escape, find Azula and Ty Lee, and help them conquer the Earth Kingdom. Whether my parents liked it or not.” 

* * * * * * 

“Wow! Go Mai!” Pumping her fist in the air, Suki winced. “Although, boo for the ‘conquering the Earth Kingdom’ part. That’s not good.”

“It’s interesting that she mentions Azula respecting her weaponry skills,” Sokka mused, stroking his chin with one hand. “Maybe that’s why Mai’s still friends with her even though she’s a horrible person.” 

“It seems like she’s really lonely, too.” A sleeping Momo had somehow migrated from Aang’s shoulders to his arms, and the airbender rocked him back and forth like an infant. “I guess even a friend like Azula is better than no friends.”

“So she snuck out of Commissioner Boring’s house, huh? What happened then?” 

“I bet she got caught up with a group of bandits and robbed a bunch of people!” 

“Uh, no. She almost made it to Ba Sing Se, but then Earth Kingdom rebels captured her and used her as a hostage to get their city back from a colony. Right, Zuko?”

“Wouldn’t we have heard if that happened?” 

“Not if it was a SECRET trade-off!”

“Maybe she got trapped in the Spirit World!”

“As chief liaison between the Spirit World and the natural world, I’m pretty sure that didn’t happen.” 

“I think she just got lost.”

Hm...how to put this delicately? “She didn’t really get that far.” 

* * * * * *

“So I assumed--like an idiot--because the Commissioner’s daughters were too vapid to even consider sneaking out, security would be pretty lax. Unfortunately I hopped out the window and landed right into a circle of guards on the night patrol. By the time I had enough pinned down that I could make a run for it, the commotion had woken up Mr. Tsu and his wife. 

Let’s just say they weren’t feeling very hospitable after that. Clearly I would be a poor influence on their perfect daughters. So I guess in a way, it worked out. But I did get a stern letter from my parents saying I put my father’s reputation in jeopardy. Obviously they knew what I was planning, so they proposed a compromise: I could either come home and try my luck escaping from under their watch, or they could send me even further away...to stay with my uncle.

Of course I chose the second option, even though it meant not joining Azula. I hadn’t seen my uncle in a while, but I remembered showing him the first few knife tricks I’d learned when I was a kid. He’d acted so impressed, even though they were just basic slights of hand. I liked him a lot back then, and I knew I’d like him more than the Tsu sisters. Even better, I remembered that he was the Warden of a war prison. That sounded far less boring than returning home would be.” 

* * * * * * 

“HOLD IT.” Sokka looked like his head was about to explode. “Mai told you her uncle was the Warden of a Fire Nation war prison. Somehow, during our quest to break into a Fire Nation war prison, you didn’t realize it was the SAME one, and she might be there?!”

“Are you serious?!” Katara yelped, clearly in agreement. 

Embarrassment colored his cheeks, and he floundered for a good explanation. “She didn’t say it was the Boiling Rock! And I’d never met her Uncle, so it’s not like I would recognize him!”

“Come on, Zuko,” Aang groaned, now massaging his sleeping lemur’s ears. 

Suddenly, Suki perked up. “Wait! So Mai was at the Boiling Rock after the first assault on Ba Sing Se. The one that didn’t work. But Appa wasn’t with you guys in Ba Sing Se, right?” 

“Yeah…” The reminder of losing his best friend made the airbender’s shoulders droop.

“Azula used our uniforms to sneak into Ba Sing Se the second time, and that’s when the city fell.” The Kyoshi Warrior’s fingers drew random shapes in the air as she spoke, as if keeping track of a complex equation. “The girls and I were trying to help Appa when Azula and the circus girl ambushed us. But Mai wasn’t there when I was sent to the Boiling Rock. So she only stayed with her uncle after the drill failed, but before we got caught. That means she wasn’t at the prison for very long, was she?” 

Wow. Zuko had to admit, he was impressed. “Actually, you’re right.” 

* * * * * * 

"Life wasn’t quite as exciting as I imagined, but it wasn’t terrible. My uncle was happy to see me, but he was also busy. Every time the Fire Nation conquered a new place, more war criminals were shipped over. The Firelord also started cracking down more harshly on dissenters, which meant even more prisoners. I wanted to make myself useful--become a prison guard, perhaps--but my uncle refused. Something about promising my dad nothing bad would happen to me. But compared to staying with the Tsu family, it was paradise. 

One good thing was that I was allowed to practice my shuriken as much as I wanted. Not on prisoners, of course--they couldn’t risk anyone stealing my blades and using them to escape. But I had hours alone to train, and wooden dummies to use as targets. I studied ground plans of the prison layout and created imaginary battles for myself. What would I do if I had three opponents? Or five, or twelve? What if they were all benders, or only some of them were? How would I handle more than one attack at a time? It sounds crazy, but I think I learned more from that time than I ever would have fighting for Azula. 

Being at the prison had another advantage--you always knew what was going on with the war. It was all anyone talked about. Every assault, every rebellion, every unfounded Avatar sighting. My uncle doesn’t ask my opinion about politics, but I know he would never hide information from me.  
When I heard the drill plan had blown up in Azula’s face, part of me was glad. I wanted to believe she had failed because I wasn’t there to help. It was stupid, of course--the Boiling Rock is so far from Ba Sing Se, there was no way for us to meet up before she would inevitably figure out some way to win. And I’m glad she won, even if it was without me.

Word came that Azula was sending us a captive for my uncle to contain. I guess my parents were afraid she might find out I was there. A letter arrived, demanding I return home to Omashu. I begged my uncle to refuse, but he said he had to. Of course he never told me why, and my parents wouldn’t either. So I decided to run away again--this time, without getting caught.”

* * * * * * 

Sokka squished his girlfriend into a hug. “Wow, babe! You were so dangerous, they had to send the warden’s niece away for protection!”

“Not exactly what happened, but...” Zuko said.

As if she had a headache, Katara rubbed her temples with her thumbs. “Okay, so she ends somewhere else after this? But not Ba Sing Se? I’m so confused.”

“She can’t go there,” Toph huffed. “Mom and Dad totally know that’s where she’s headed. And doesn’t it take Azula a couple more days before she crosses us again?”

“Yeah, I think we were still looking for Appa at this point.”

“Hey, that means we met Jet around this time!”

“Ugh, let’s not talk about _him_.”

“Who’s Jet?” Zuko asked. The name sounded somewhat familiar, but for all he knew, ‘Jet’ was as common as ‘Lee’. 

“Weird guy followed around by a band of forest children. Chews on a piece of grass, hooked sword thingies, hates the Fire Nation.” Sokka summarized, counting off each attribute on his fingers. 

“Oh, I met someone like that once. What happened to him?”

The group shared an awkward look--except for Toph, who grimaced--and Katara quickly responded, “Um, let’s get back to Mai.” 

* * * * * *

“I decided to head for the capital. After the failed capture of Ba Sing Se, it was the most likely place Azula would go to regroup or seek resources for a second attempt. If I ended up missing her, at least I’d be somewhere familiar. 

At first, it was almost too easy. I allowed my uncle’s guards to escort me as far as the airship station, then incapacitated them with my blades. I told the airshipmen my parents were sending me to the Capital instead of Omashu for my own safety. Of course they believed me, and we set off in the opposite direction of where I was supposed to go. 

The airship belonged to the prison, so it could only take me as far as the first town over. I paid for a carriage to get to the other side of the island, but the driver’s dragon moose was old, so it took longer than expected. I had to spend the night, then take the barge in the morning.

Getting a room at an inn was easy, once I told them who my family was. I didn’t see the point in hiding my identity--Mom and Dad wouldn’t cause a public fuss about me running off, especially not after Tom Tom’s kidnapping scandal. They wouldn’t want people to think they were neglectful parents. If they found out my location, I would still reach my destination before they could catch up with me. 

The room wasn’t anything special. There were no windows, and the only furniture was a bed and a small table. Other than a washbasin with a rag and a framed portrait of the Firelord, there weren’t any decorations. It sort of reminded me of staying with my uncle: simple, clean. Boring, sure, but honest. I didn’t miss what it had been like at the Tsus, with the frilly curtains and fancy knickknacks cluttering up every inch of space. 

Suddenly, I missed my room at home so much it hurt--the room I’d had before moving to New Omashu with my family. Everything about that room made it clear it was mine. My new one at the colony didn’t feel like that. My guest chambers at the Tsus clearly belonged to someone else, and the place I’d slept while at my uncle’s was temporary. This room at the inn was _meant_ to belong to no one. I don’t know why, but thinking about all that made me realize how much I wanted a place that felt like mine again. Even just one room. 

Of course, that made me think about you. Don’t be too flattered-- I never expected to see you again. I didn’t entertain any silly fantasies about us running into each other on my way to the Capital, or Azula blackmailing you into hunting me down. But I did think about how confusing your banishment must have been. Even when you were a fugitive, you must still have considered the Fire Nation your home...a home you didn’t know you would ever return to. The army was conquering more islands and settling more colonies every day, but you couldn’t celebrate that with us, even though you were a citizen too. Your own father was the one bringing hope and glory to the world. You had a home and a family, but they still didn’t belong to you. I fell asleep hoping you would somehow find peace after the war. I hoped by the time the Fire Nation captured you and your Uncle, your dad would be merciful enough to exile you to a colony where you could make a new home. 

My next few days were full of travel. While on the barge, I gathered information about what was happening in the Earth Kingdom. Reports said Azula was lying low, so I hoped she was on her way back to the city. Once we hit land, I took carriages the rest of the way. 

Keeping busy was easy at first: I sharpened all of my weapons and wrote letters to my parents pretending I was well on track to reach Omashu. During the periodic stops to let the dragon moose rest, I visited tea shops and pubs to earn money for the next trip. You’d be surprised how many men underestimate the gambling skills of a young girl traveling alone.”

* * * * * * 

“Whoa, Mai’s cooler than I thought!” Toph applauded appreciatively.

A cough from Katara sat. “Not that gambling is something to be proud of…”

“Says someone gambling on this story!” 

“I already told you, it’s not gambling! We’re just guessing!”

“Speaking of which…” Sokka tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Let’s all say what we think happens next. Obviously Mai doesn’t meet up with your sister, since she’s busy taking down Ba Sing Se from the inside at this point…”

“Does she get hauled off to jail for scamming people?”

“What is with you and guessing about prison?!”

“Is this where Dad of the Year kidnaps her so you guys can get hitched?” 

Katara rolled her eyes. “Ugh, that’s just so gross. Women aren’t rewards.”

Nodding in agreement, Suki added, “And why would Ozai do that for Zuko? At this point, he’s still a fugitive. Remember? He hadn’t joined the bad side yet.”

“Um, I think you mean re-joined.” Throwing a dark look in Zuko’s direction, the Water Tribe girl migrated over to the other side of the campfire. “What do you think, Aang?”

Smiling brightly, the airbender responded, “Maybe she makes friends with some of the guys she’s scamming money out of, and they give her a ride to the next island! Am I right?”

Even after all he’d been through, the teenager was still as optimistic as ever. Try as he might to hide it, Zuko had to smile at such a wholesome response. “Uh...maybe that’s what would have happened, if she’d been more careful.”

Unified by concern, the group let out a gasp. 

* * * * * * 

“The day I finally reached my destination, guards were waiting. I thought it wouldn’t matter if my parents found out my plan because they were too far to chase after me. It never crossed my mind that they still had allies back home. 

When my father had committed to the role of Omashu’s new governor, not all of his staff could go with us. Some of his most trusted men had stayed behind--men who he’d contacted when I’d first gone missing. From that first night I gave my family name at that inn, they’d known where I was headed. After that, all they needed to do was wait. I felt so naive. 

Word came that Azula had begun her second attempt at a siege of Ba Sing Se. We couldn’t risk traveling back to the colony until the conflict was over. So the guards and I remained at my family’s former home in the Fire Nation--with me on lockdown, to prevent another escape.

It was only a few days, but it seemed like years. I’d been bored before, but this was a whole new level of monotony. It was worse than being with the Tsus. My weapons were confiscated, and patrols were stationed under my window. Not even having my old bedroom back brought me any joy. 

One day, I heard trumpets, and loud cheering in the streets. Nobody told me what the noise was about, but I could guess that the conquest of Ba Sing Se had succeeded. When the guards said it was time to leave, I thought we were going back to the colony. After days of being trapped in my room, I was relieved. Relieved to go back to _Omashu_\--that’s how you know I lost my mind. But instead, they took me to the palace.

At first, I thought maybe I was being brought to see Azula. It wasn’t until I heard the guards talk about your defeat of the Avatar that I knew you were coming home. I was glad to hear that you were alive, but I still didn’t understand. When we reached the palace, a flock of servants whisked me away. They dressed me up like I was some kind of doll. Those servants were the ones who finally told me what was going to happen. The way they talked about it, I should have been giddy with excitement. Falling over myself with gratitude. All I really felt was confusion. Next thing I know, I’m standing in the throne room, seeing you face to face for the first time in years.”

* * * * * * 

The gaang sat in silence, sympathy painting their expressions. 

Aang hugged Momo to his chest like a parent wishing to protect their child from the Mai’s fate. “That’s awful. Poor Mai.” 

“I guess I wasn’t totally wrong...it sounds like she bounced around from one prison to the other. Literally, in her uncle’s case…”

“I can’t believe no one told her what was happening!” Suki and Katara huddled together in a show of feminine solidarity. The waterbender seemed to be on the verge of tears. “How could her parents do that? Just--trade her away, like she’s not even a person?” 

Her brother’s eyes widened. “Hold on--did her parents even know, or did Zuko’s dad just take her without their permission?”

“What does it matter? If they hadn’t tried to control her, she would have gotten away!”

A new sadness dulled the blue in Aang’s eyes. “What did you think when she told you all this, Zuko?”

How could he express the intense fusion of emotions that had swirled inside of his chest at that moment? Was there even a word to describe how painful it was to see Mai like that? Despite the raw vulnerability of her story, her demeanor during the conversation had remained calm and rational. It was like she had buried the anger and hurt so deep that recounting the terrible events was as emotional as reciting the Fire Nation Oath every day at school. Like all of them--her parents, the guards, even his father--had torn her freedom to feel away from her. Or rather, forced her to hide that freedom away and forget where she’d put it. 

“All I could think was that she didn’t deserve that,” he said honestly. 

With the mood effectively soured, the group quickly dispersed. Aang and Sokka were the only ones who bothered to offer an excuse: apparently Appa was in dire need of a bath.

Truthfully, he was glad to be left alone. Not only because of how depressing the story update had been, but also because he wasn’t too keen on sharing the details of what had happened afterwards. Even though it doubtlessly would have cheered everyone up to hear it. Maybe it was selfish to keep it to himself, but...it had been _their_ moment. His and Mai’s. 

* * * * * * 

“So? Are you satisfied with my oh-so-tragic past?” Mai teased. The mask had fallen long ago, and from the nervousness in her eyes, it was clear she felt uncomfortable to have shared so candidly. As if trying to lighten the mood, she bumped his shoulder with her own. 

“Mai…”

“Don’t do that.” Bristling, she leaned back so their shoulders weren’t touching anymore. “I’m not fragile.”

“But--” He must have looked wounded--as quickly as she’d pulled away, she returned to his side. 

A small, cool hand cupped his cheek. “It happened. You can’t change it.”

For some reason, such a statement made his ears burn with shame. Luckily, Mai didn’t seem to notice--or if she did, she didn’t remark upon it. Instead, she continued:

“And it’s not all bad. At least I wound up married to you, instead of Azula.” 

“If that was supposed to be funny, it wasn’t,” he scoffed, covering her hand with his own. “Mai, I’m sorry. I wish I could fix this.”

“You can’t.” Drawing him closer, she tilted her head the tiniest bit to the left. “But you can kiss me.” 

Startled, he almost fell backwards into the sand. “_What_?”

“You don’t _have_ to.” She slipped her hand out from under his and scooted a foot closer down the beach, face to the ocean. “Never mind. Forget I said anything.”

“No, I--” Agni. Dejected, he looked down, only to meet the judgmental gaze of the turtleduck toy they’d purchased for Tom Tom. The black knots of yarn that made the eyes of the toy silently chastised him. Of course Mai was embarrassed--she’d spent what felt like hours sharing what had to be the most traumatic moments of her life. It was only natural for her to try and change the subject...although the subject she’d chosen was quite possibly the last thing he’d expected. Did he want to kiss her?

Well, _duh_. 

“Mai…” Sliding behind his offended bride, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, careful to keep the motion slow and relaxed. Her gaze stayed on the rhythmic waves dancing in front of them, but she still leaned into his chest. 

Voice low, he murmured into her hair, “I’m sorry about what happened. But I’m glad you shared it with me. And I’m happy to be here with you.”

A small hum was her response. Whether it was good or bad, he wasn’t certain, but she didn’t pull away. That meant she wasn’t mad, right?

Dipping his head into her shoulder, he whispered, “And I would like to kiss you. Unless you’ve changed your mind.”

She shifted forward, and for a moment, he thought he’d ruined everything. But then she leaned all the way back until she was practically lying with her head in his lap, staring up at him.

Hands caught him around the back of the neck, fingernails pressed gently against the sensitive skin there. 

Dragging his face down, down, down, those umber eyes getting closer and closer.

A meeting of lips, tasting slightly of salt. 

* * * * * *

He’d been so caught up in the memory, he hadn’t noticed his fingers had found his bottom lip. Scrubbing his hand against his pant leg, Zuko tried not to sigh for the millionth time that day. 

When she'd first told him about her journey, he'd thought that had been all there was to it. Little had he known--had both of them known--that things were infinitely more complicated...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUTHOR'S NOTES:
> 
> * - Was Sokka correct? Possibly...after all, how DID Azula know where to find them at the beginning of “The Southern Raiders”? 
> 
> TIMELINE FOR MAI'S JOURNEY BY EPISODE:
> 
> 1) "The Swamp”, “Avatar Day”, “The Blind Bandit”, “Zuko Alone”, "The Chase”, “Bitter Work", “The Library" --> Mai is sent away from Omashu to stay with the families of other nobles, and is bored out of her mind.   
2) "The Desert", “The Serpent's Pass” —> When the nobleman she is staying with mentions the FN’s plan to use a drill to invade Ba Sing Se, she decides to run away to join them as she knows Azula is the only one who could have come up with such a plan. Unfortunately, she is caught and as a compromise, is sent to stay with her Uncle at Boiling Rock prison.  
3) "The Drill” “City of Walls and Secrets”, “The Tales of Ba Sing Se” --> Mai stays with her uncle.  
4) "Appa's Lost Days" —> Suki is kidnapped, and Mai’s uncle decides to send her home for undisclosed reasons.  
5) "Lake Laogai”, “The Earth King” —> Mai runs away again, but to evade capture by her parents, decides to run to the capital in the hopes that Azula will return soon.  
6) “The Guru”, "The Crossroads of Destiny" —> Mai gets caught but her parents can’t bring her back to Omashu with the siege on BSS happening, so she remains in the capital under lockdown.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Southern Raiders field trip devolves into a debate about the war’s impact on love and revenge.

By the time he and Mai had collected enough of their wits to break apart, the sun had taken a dive towards the ocean. Streaks of pinky orange reflected in the waves, glistening like the liberated fruit of an overripe peach. He was pleased to note the color matched the blush staining Mai’s cheeks after their kiss. Probably his own blush as well, if his heavy breathing was any indication. Grasping her hand, he collected the turtleduck toy from the sand and started back up the hill. 

Their walk home was silent, but pleasantly so. Maybe it was just the intoxication of kissing a pretty girl, but in this moment, everything felt so perfect. Mai’s fingers intertwined with his, tucked against his side like a secret kept safe. The gentle curve of her smile as she caught him sneaking a peek in her direction. How the last golden dregs of sunlight illuminated the delicious dip of her shoulder, drawing a line down the spellbinding swoop of her neck... 

They’d barely reached the front door before his lips met that line. Counting the kisses in his head, he made his way from her shoulder up her neck, just under her jaw, and then back to her mouth. Mai made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a giggle--but it couldn’t have been; Mai would never giggle--and pulled away. 

“At least wait until we’re inside.”

He’d moved too quickly. Humiliation dampened the warm feeling in his chest, and he hung his head in shame. 

Shame that swiftly disappeared as Mai all but _dragged_ him through the entryway and kissed him squarely on the mouth. 

Her fingers untangled themselves from his and found their way to his collar, tugging him forwards as she tilted her head. Where she’d learned such tricks, he was both afraid to ask and too grateful to care. This was different then their kisses in the palace. Even though he wouldn’t have traded those moments for anything, he didn’t miss the hesitation, confusion, and concern embedded within them. Whether shrouded in darkness in the hallway, watching the sunset, or throwing stilettos in the courtyard, at home the anticipation of others’ presence loomed over every moment. Kissing her in this place, away from everything and everyone...it felt like freedom. After all she’d endured, maybe she thought the same. 

Unfortunately, whichever spirit had found favor enough to prevent him from spoiling things earlier had reached their limit. The fatigue of the day hit him like one of the Avatar’s airbending blasts, and he was forced to break their kiss with a huge yawn. 

Luckily, Mai didn’t seem offended. Dazed, she blinked up at him with unusually expressive eyes. “Are you tired?”

Opening his mouth to object, he found himself defeated by yet another yawn. 

“Let’s go to bed then.” Looking down, she seemed startled by the sight of her grip on his shirt. Releasing his collar, she quickly smoothed the rumpled fabric with her palm.

Propriety probably mandated a bath, but Zuko was so exhausted he didn’t care. It was their last night on Ember Island anyway; the sheets would be changed for the next guest. And what was a little sand compared to all those nights during banishment, sleeping outside covered in days worth of muck and dirt and sweat? 

Evidently Mai didn’t agree. While he flopped face down onto his side of the bed, she disappeared into the bathroom. 

By the time she returned, he was vacillating between the waking world and unconsciousness. The bed shifted slightly as she climbed onto her side, smelling strongly of soap.

“Are you still awake?” 

“Mmph?” he grumbled, slumber clouding his ability to form real words. 

“There’s too many pillows. Can I move some?”

“Mmph.” 

A series of rustling noises, followed by four soft _ pluhs _ as several sections of Bed Sing Se (name credited to Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe) fell to the floor. 

“That’s better,” she whispered, more to herself than to him. “Goodnight.”

“Mmph.”

Whose fault it was, he doesn’t know--perhaps they share the blame. But somehow over the course of the night, more and more pillows were shoved out of place until the wall was entirely decimated. Before he knew it, he’d woken up with Mai wrapped around his back like a knapsack, breath hot against the back of his neck and damp hair sticking to his arm. 

It should have bothered him--he’d never been the cuddly type. But having someone hold him tight and close like this felt...safe. So, instead of detangling himself from her grip, he’d brushed her hair back and let the rhythm of her inhale/exhale lull him back to sleep. 

Fool that he was, he’d allowed himself to believe that was what the rest of their nights would be like…

* * * * * * * * * * *

“Earth to Zuko!” A spray of water attacked his left ear. “What was the point of coming along if you’re just going to zone out?!” 

Wiping away the water with his sleeve, he swallowed the comeback rising in his throat. “Sorry.” 

“Ugh, forget it. I already figured out our next move.” The reins were twisted in Katara’s grip so tightly, it looked like her circulation was in danger. Still, she wrapped them over her wrists once more. “I knew I should have come alone.”

From below, Appa grunted, bringing a pout to the waterbender’s face. 

Had he been with the group too long, or had that sounded more like the bison was scolding Katara than agreeing with her? Maybe Team Avatar was right to believe in the bison’s importance beyond just convenient transportation.

Well, she was already irritated. Might as well risk agitating the platypus bear if it meant getting some questions answered. Yes, his main motive for joining her on this field trip was to win her trust, but that didn’t mean it was his only reason. 

“So. That was the first time I’ve ever seen you and Aang fight.”

Spine stiffening like wet cloth in winter, Katara huffed, “Because we don’t fight. Usually he has my back.” At this, her expression changed from annoyed to dejected. “But I guess you can’t always trust the people you thought you could.” 

“Are you saying you don’t trust Aang?” 

The glare she shot him could freeze an open flame. “I’m saying he should trust ME. All he wants is to do what’s right, but he doesn’t see why this _ is _ right. He thinks he understands, but he doesn’t.” 

Zuko didn’t know what to say to that. So, he settled for a classic: “Yeah.”

The wind whipped around them like a warning to turn back and abandon their quest before the Fire Navy killed them (or they killed each other). In an attempt to lessen the sting, Zuko hunkered down in Appa’s saddle, shielding his face with his arms. 

Used to the unpredictable weather at this high of an altitude, Katara remained upright, face turned towards the wind. Defiant as ever. “I mean, wouldn’t you jump at the chance to take down your sister? To get revenge for whatever she did to Mai, after all that happened at the prison?” 

Bringing up Mai didn’t seem fair, somehow. But if he said so, he was just walking into yet another argument, so he told the truth instead. “I don’t know. I think so...but until that moment comes, I don’t know for sure.” 

“Ugh.” Turning away, she glared off into the distance. “Well, I’m not like you. If someone I love is in danger, I do whatever it takes to protect them. And if they get hurt anyway, I won’t stop until I get justice.” 

“I thought the good side was all about forgiveness?” Try as he might, he couldn’t keep an accusatory tone from infecting his words. Which was odd, because he thought the whole reason they were on this trip together was because they agreed. It seemed like Katara just brought the argumentative spirit out in him. Anyone who didn’t know would assume they were brother and sister.

“Forgiveness is important. But I will never, ever forgive someone who doesn’t deserve it.” Wrapping the reins yet another time around her forearms, she added, “Which is why you’re lucky I’m giving you a second chance.” 

The wheels in his mind turned, churning out strange answers to all the confusion. “So why are you and Aang fighting, then?”

Blue eyes narrowed, and Appa made another grumbling noise. “What?”

“You said you don’t trust me because you still think I might hurt Aang. Because of what happened at Ba Sing Se. But that’s because you love him, right?”

“Yeah, so? Of course I love Aang.” The words slipped out of her mouth with confidence and ease, not even a trace of a blush rising on her cheeks. 

“You love him, but you don’t trust his judgment. Even though he’s the Avatar, and we’re counting on him to counsel the world on what’s right and wrong after this is all over. But you yelled at him. You told him the loss of his culture and of Appa weren’t comparable to you losing your mother. You planned to steal his bison without his permission. And you agreed to go on a field trip with me, someone you think is so untrustworthy and dangerous, instead of listening to your best friend. And not just him, everyone. Even Suki and Toph didn’t come with us, and they’re always ready for a fight. You told your own brother he didn’t love your mom as much as you did.” 

At this, the pallor of the waterbender’s face morphed into a guilty shade of grey. “Okay, not my best moment. But it doesn’t mean I’m wrong!” 

“I don’t think you’re wrong. But doesn’t it freak you out that I’m the only one who thinks you’re right?” 

Such an ominous statement required a pause, so he allowed one before continuing.

“I know you’re doing this to get revenge for your mom. But is there some other reason you’re pushing everyone away? Especially Aang?” 

“No!” she reacted too quickly, sharply jerking the reins to the left. Underneath them, Appa let out a howl of distaste.

“Sorry, buddy.” Scratching him behind the closest horn with her foot, Katara heaved a sigh. “Listen, I don’t know what you’re trying to say. The only reason I’m doing this is because of my mom. You would do it for Mai, so don’t act all high and mighty. And even though Aang thinks he wouldn’t, I’m sure he would do it for...whoever he loves.” 

“You mean the whole world?”

“Yes! That’s exactly what I meant.” Seeming almost flustered, Katara tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “He’s putting his life at risk to fight the Firelord at the end of the summer! And all of us are ready to sacrifice ourselves if it can help him win. So he should understand why I feel this way.” 

“But that’s not really the same thing, is it?” The more she talked, the more sure he was that he was missing a vital part of the puzzle. “Aang’s destiny is to defeat my father, or die trying. For the good of the world. You’re making the choice to go after the people who killed your mom.” 

“You don’t think Aang has a choice?” All of a sudden, she sounded so tired, like she was the one who had spent hundreds of years in an iceberg. “The Avatar abandoned the world before. If Aang was a different person, he could do the same. But he would never do that, even if he knew he wouldn’t win. And...and you’re right. As much faith as I have in him, it’s going to be harder without the Avatar State.”

“He still can’t tap into that?” Zuko shook his head. “I guess that’s my fault, for helping Azula electrocute him.”

“It’s not your fault.” 

Well, he never thought he’d hear those words from her. 

“It has something to do with me. But more importantly, it means Aang has to work even harder to beat your dad. Even with firebending, he might lose trying to save us. Especially if…”

“If he doesn’t have it in him to kill my father,” Zuko finished slowly. Was that why she was acting so bizzare? She was scared of what might happen to Aang in the final battle? 

“Don’t tell him I said that,” she snapped. “If he knows I’m worried, he might get distracted.”

Now she was back to not making any sense. “Why would that be distracting? You’re his friend. Shouldn’t you worry about him?”

“It doesn’t matter! I just want him to focus on the comet. Then, if that works out, we can talk about...everything else that’s confusing us.” 

From the way her voice softened on ‘everything else’, it was clear that was the missing puzzle piece. 

Something had happened between them. Something, as Sokka would say, “oogie.”

Honestly, it was kind of sad it had taken him this long to figure it out. It had been obvious from day one that Aang harbored romantic feelings for the waterbender. Not that Zuko had really cared in the beginning--his main objective was to capture the Avatar, not pay attention to whether said Avatar had a crush. After joining the group, the moment Katara had outright threatened him on Aang’s behalf had confirmed the attachment was mutual. Since then, he (and everyone else) had watched the two dance around the platypus-bear in the room. He’d never expected either of them to actually confess.

Zuko would bet his bending that the instigator had been Aang. But why would Katara keep him at a distance if she felt the same way? 

Duh. For the same reason he and Mai had pushed each other away in the beginning: protection. Katara was doing this to prevent herself from being a distraction. A sensible thought--as much as he respected Aang as a bender, his father would be the most difficult opponent the boy had ever faced. They couldn’t take any chances. 

But if his suspicions were correct, that wasn’t the only reason. Whether Katara knew it or not, she was afraid of allowing a relationship to develop with Aang, only for him not to make it out of the battle alive. After the loss of her mother, of course she wouldn’t want to experience that again with anyone. Much less the person she was in love with.

As much as he hated to admit it, he could understand that.

“Maybe it’s not my place to say--”

“Maybe it isn’t.” 

“But if I could choose whether to have that time with Mai as a couple before losing her, I would still do it.” 

“Even though she only betrayed Azula because she loved you? Even though she’d probably still be alive if you hadn’t?”

“Yes.” And maybe he was wrong, but he thought Mai would feel the same way too. “Maybe it’s selfish--”

“It is.” Spine straightening, she fixed her gaze on the wash of darkness in front of them. “We’re almost there. Stop talking unless you want us to get caught.” 

* * * * * * * * * * *

One would think a completed field trip where Katara no longer hated his guts would be considered a success. Unfortunately, their triumphant return home had been soured by the confirmation that Aang was absolutely not on board with finishing off the Firelord. After their conversation, the airbender had spent all of dinner in a funk--and everyone seemed to be feeling the tension. Even Sokka and Suki, whose permanent goofy smiles and affectionate glances betrayed the amount of…er, “quality time” they’d enjoyed lately, seemed concerned about the gloom surrounding the tattooed teenager. 

Of course, being the resident Ideas Guy, Sokka had a plan. 

“Hey! It’s been a while since Zuko gave us an update of his and Mai’s story.”

Toph let out a cheer. “Yeah! I know it didn’t end with that kiss on the beach!” 

Aang didn’t smile, but his eyes shone with a glimmer of interest. 

A tightness tickled Zuko’s throat. Although there were still some happy times to reminisce about, the story was nearing the point where things got more depressing than romantic. Especially once he reached the part where he left the Fire Nation to join their group, abandoning Mai in the process. Then again...even if the tale didn’t cheer Aang up, maybe a reminder of the Firelord’s propensity for ruining the lives of others for his own gain would encourage him to see reason. 

“Okay. But I’m skipping ahead.”

* * * * * * * * * * *

“Secret love letters?” 

“I know,” Zuko chuckled, relishing how adorable Mai looked with her nose wrinkled in disgust. “Apparently I also begged my father to let me marry you like some kind of poetic hero.”

“Ugh. People really thought that?” Tightening her grip around his waist, she buried her face in the fabric of his tunic. 

“Yup. What, you don’t think being star-crossed lovers suits us?” Emboldened by her embarrassment, he dared to ruffle her hair, narrowly yanking his hand out of the way as she swatted at it. 

“Don’t make me stab you,” she warned, her tone not nearly as terrifying as she wanted it to be. 

“Go ahead. I’m sure the gossip mill would love such a dramatic ending to our love story.” Grinning, he coaxed her back into a loose hug, although her eyeroll indicated she hadn’t completely forgiven the joke. Together, they stared at the expanse of blueish grey water before them, only a shade or two darker in color than the cloudless sky above. 

Based on the sun’s position, he guessed that they were almost home. Soon, they’d be back at the Palace...back in the real world. 

“What’s on your mind?” Mai murmured, shifting her weight to rock them both back in forth to match the gentle rhythm under their feet. “Afraid to see your father?”

“That’s not it.” Clearly the Firelord’s wisdom had paid off--it had been his idea to send them on a honeymoon, after all. And now here they were, closer than ever. “I guess it’s just going to be weird. Being around people all of a sudden.”

“You mean Azula?” She sighed. “She’ll make fun of us, probably. But I’m sure whatever she and Ty Lee got up to at the war prison put her in a good mood. At least for a few days.” 

“Yeah.” What was he supposed to say--that although everything between them had improved beyond his wildest dreams, there was still a strange sensation swirling in his stomach that he was doing something wrong? That even though being with her here felt as perfect as when he’d finally learned how to write his name for the first time, somehow being together in the palace seemed like the complete opposite? 

What he felt for her was real, real enough that those feelings should be the same no matter where he went. Besides, Ember Island was supposed to be an escape. He should be excited to go home, where they could show off their happiness to everyone. He had it all now, didn’t he? His honor, his Father’s approval, the love of his life. So why did the thought of returning fill him with so much dread and anxiety and guilt, the same feelings he’d found himself drowning in when...when he’d been banished?

“It’s almost the end of summer,” Mai mused, fingertips sliding up and down his arm. “Your dad will want you involved in war planning.”

“You think?” Mentally, he traced the patterns of the sun’s rays on the waves. “Nobody’s said anything to me about that.”

“Sure. It’ll be nothing but days of meetings, meetings, meetings.” The fingertips traveled up to his jaw. “So we won’t be seeing much of each other for a while.”

Logically, he knew that wasn’t true. There were always meals, and anyway, he wasn’t above sneaking to her room to say goodnight like before. But the second he looked down and caught the glint of mischief in her eye, all of his common sense disappeared, like the Avatar a hundred years ago. 

“We might as well make the best of our trip back.” Slowly, she rose up for a kiss. 

A kiss that turned into two, and then three, and then a number more than three but by then he didn’t quite remember how to count. By the time they broke apart, he could feel the goofiest grin replacing his expression of angst. Mai’s smile wasn’t quite as large, but it was proudly displayed on her face, which was more than enough for him. 

“I love you,” he said without thinking. 

Her eyes widened slightly, but not without understanding. Like she wasn’t surprised that he felt that way, just that said it out loud. Opening her mouth, she began to return the favor:

“I--” Her gaze jumped to his left shoulder, bashful in a way that was so unlike her. Almost automatically, the mask swallowed the beauty of her features, coating them in apathy. All color drained from her face so suddenly, it was like she’d turned to stone in front of his eyes.

Brows knit in confusion, Zuko turned to see what had affected her so deeply, only to feel the blood in his own cheeks immediately rush south. 

There, waiting for them at the docks, stood a middle-aged woman dressed in intricately woven layers of red clothes. Her sharp chin rested on the shoulder of a bearded man with prideful posture, dressed in matching finery. Though the boat was still too far away to make out small details of their faces, the stroke of self-importance coloring the line of their shoulders was unmistakable. 

“Are those--”

Mai’s voice went flat. “My parents.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visit from Mai’s parents brings new information and stirs up conflict in Zuko’s heart.

If Ember Island was paradise, taking a tour of the palace with Mai’s parents was torture. 

First of all, it wasn’t like the Governor and his wife had never visited before. Sure, the most recent time had been back before his banishment, but how much had the decor really changed since then?! And if they really felt the need to refresh their memory, why did he and Mai have to tag along? They lived here, for Agni’s sake! What could they possibly gain from listening to the monotoned servant drone on for hours about every curtain and ceiling beam?

It wasn’t that he disliked Mai’s parents. Sure, her story about running away hadn’t painted them in the best light, but they were her mom and dad after all.* It was just...it seemed like they ate and slept and bathed and breathed entitlement. It was evident by their gaudy clothes, and how they didn’t spare the servant giving the tour a second glance. Most egregious was the way their eyes glazed over when the aforementioned servant explained that Fire Nation casualties rendered by the most recent battle had forced the Firelord into a strategy session for the rest of the afternoon, leaving him unable to receive their audience.

In the past, he couldn’t have articulated the nuance of such an attitude, much less found it bothersome. But spending their wedding banquet entertaining the upper echelons of the nation’s social class had soured his feelings towards humble-bragging...especially when it was all for show. Nothing more than a flock of fools who cared more for appearances than substance, intoxicated on benefitting from the war without actively contributing to its cause. It was like they viewed the war as a fancy display of the Fire Nation’s superiority. They didn’t understand the sacrifice and despair that came from liberating the other nations and guiding them to a better future. The Fire Nation was great, but _they_ weren’t great just because they were part of it. 

People like that reminded him of the asinine Upper Ring citizens of Ba Sing Se. And now, it looked like two of them were his in-laws. Fantastic. 

It wouldn’t have been so bad if he and Mai could have at least lagged behind the group, trading snarky remarks and stealing a kiss behind the pillars when no one was looking. But the minute she’d laid eyes on her parents, it was like a spirit’s curse had turned her to stone. She wouldn’t even hold his hand, keeping her own tucked demurely in her sleeves.

Governor Ukano cleared his throat, and the servant bowed before disappearing down the corridor. 

“Your mother wanted to stay home with Tom Tom, but she couldn’t bear not coming to see you. And of course I missed you also.” 

“Thanks, Dad.” The reply seemed almost sarcastic, so much so that Zuko couldn’t even hide his wince. 

“Your father hired the best nanny and instructors available. I’m sure they’ll take good care of him until we get back. He probably won’t even notice that we’re gone--they rarely do at that age.” Mai’s mother--was he supposed to call her Michi, now?--babbled. 

A pregnant pause followed, but the Governor’s wife was apparently quite skilled in circumventing social faux pas. With a weightless laugh, she continued her speech effortlessly, as if she’d meant to do so all along. 

“It really is for the best. He’s so young, and you never know what those rebels might do. It’s important that he stays safe at home.” _Wonderful parents like us wouldn’t put a toddler’s safety at risk by traveling!_ Her sugary smile seemed to say, her cheerful tone almost concealing her condescension.

A tiny part of him wished Mai would point out that Tom Tom had, in fact, been kidnapped while under his parents’ care. A larger part wished he were brave enough to say it himself. But then, that story had come from Azula, so who knew if it was really true. 

Ah, now there was something to be grateful for--Azula and Ty Lee still hadn’t returned from their trip. At least he wouldn’t have to deal with his sister’s glee at his misfortune on top of such an awkward situation. 

“It’s good that we could see you before the end of the summer.” Ukano said, a strange stutter clipping the ends of his words. “I trust you’ve been eating well.”

“Not well enough!” Michi tsked, plucking her daughter’s wrist from her sleeve and holding it aloft for inspection. “Really Mai, you must take better care of yourself. I’m sure your husband’s family has been extremely generous, isn’t that right?” She turned to Zuko expectantly.

For some reason, he immediately flushed, like a schoolboy being reprimanded by his instructor for poor penmanship. “Um, of course.” 

“There, you see?” Linking Mai’s arm with her own, Michi beamed. “Your highness, we cannot thank you enough for your kindness towards our daughter. Our gratitude could only be rivaled by her own.”

“_Mom_.” The mask cracked slightly, a hint of embarrassment souring Mai’s tone. 

“Yes, very happy,” Ukano chimed in absently, staring at the ten-foot-tall portrait of Firelord Azulon on the wall. 

“Oh that’s--I mean--Mai’s great,” Zuko blurted out, instantly regretting it. Why, why was he always so bad at expressing what he wanted to say???

Suddenly, Mai let out a huff. “This is _stupid_.”

A strangled noise fell from Michi’s lips, and Ukano’s face reddened as Mai grabbed him by the arm. Dragging her parents back the way they’d come, she turned the corner towards her chambers, not bothering to give her husband a second glance.

What else could he do but follow? 

. . . . . . . .

Either he was out of shape, or Mai was speedier than she looked, even when weighed down by two bewildered adults. By the time he reached the hall to Mai’s room, he could already hear three voices entrenched in an argument: one a high pitched whisper, one a low murmur, and one a sharp, feminine tone. Luckily, the door had been left cracked open. With all the precision of The Blue Spirit, he crouched down to listen. 

“Mai, why are you acting like this?” A frantic hiss--that had to be Michi. Oddly enough, she sounded less like she was scolding Mai and more like she was afraid of her.

“How should I be acting? Am I supposed to be grateful you sold me off like a hippo cow?”

“Sold you off?” Ah, now that was Ukano. “Mai, how could you think that of us?” 

“What am I supposed to think?” 

Letting one knee rest against the floor, Zuko pressed as close to the door as he could. The smooth grain of the wood rubbed against his scarred and damaged ear. If only he could switch sides...but then, they might see part of him through the crack. Safer not to risk it. 

Ukano muttered something unintelligible, only to be cut off with a sharp THWACK. 

“Mai!” Michi shrieked, then quieter: “How dare you throw something at your father!”

“It didn’t even graze him. You’re next if you don’t tell me the truth.” 

Even Zuko had to snort at that one. If the situation hadn’t been so dire, she would have sounded all the world like a bratty, rebellious teenager. 

“You don’t understand. Our only intention was to keep you safe.”

“By sending me away?” 

Even though he couldn’t see her, he could hear the pain in her voice. It made him want to jump up, set the door aflame, rush in and save her like some hero. Of course, she probably wouldn’t appreciate that kind of gesture--doubtless her parents would, either. 

“You knew Azula was going to ask me to travel with her, didn’t you? Admit it. That’s why you shipped me off to the Hsus.”

“Of course we did.” Apparently Ukano had built up his nerve to face his daughter again, flying weapons and all. “You were just a child, Mai. We couldn’t risk sending you into the middle of the war. A young girl, with no bending? What kind of parents would we have been to agree to such a thing?” 

“Your father had to cash in so many favors for the Commissioner to take you on such short notice. You don’t understand how much trouble he went to for you.” Now it was Mai’s turn to mutter something under her breath that he couldn’t hear. 

His knee was starting to cramp--gingerly, he switched legs, only to almost topple over thanks to the voluminous fabric of his robes. Ugh, he was such a fool! By the time he’d gotten himself situated, he’d already missed several parts of the conversation. 

“Why did you ask Uncle to send me home?”

Michi’s voice again. “Now this has gone far enough--” 

THWACK! 

“Mai!”

“For the same reason we sent you away in the first place: to keep you safe!”

“From what?” THWACK!

“Mai, don’t--”

“Forget it, Michi! It’s time to tell her.” 

There was a pause, and Zuko held his breath. 

“After the failed invasion of Ba Sing Se, the Fire Princess came to Omashu in a rage. She accused us of hiding you from her. And who could blame her--she was right.”

“Azula...came back for me?” Mai’s voice had quieted, the anger drained away. “Why didn’t she ever mention it?” 

A rustling noise, and then Michi spoke. “Letting you leave was a mistake, even for good reasons. By trying to keep you out of harm’s way, we had committed treason against the royal family. We were worried the Firelord would find out, and then all of us would be in danger.” 

The _clop_ of three steps, each one softer than the other. When Ukano began to talk again, it was almost at a whisper. “We decided to formally offer your services as an elite member of the Fire Princess’ team, in a letter to the Firelord. Of course, we had to do so without informing the Fire Princess herself, so she wouldn’t reveal what we’d done before the compromise was made.”

Michi exhaled noisily. “We figured surely she would be placated once she had word you were coming to join her. The trip from the North all the way to Ba Sing Se would be a long one, much longer than from New Omashu. Even with one failed attempt, it was our hope the city would fall before you reached it. Everything about the plan seemed so perfect: The Firelord would recognize our loyalty. You would be safe, and the Fire Princess could no longer accuse us of hiding you away.”

Wow. Zuko didn’t know if he should be impressed by such a trick, or disgusted that Michi and Ukano had been dumb enough to think it would work. 

“I don’t understand.” Mai’s voice sounded so small and confused. Almost like that of a child being called a mean name for the first time. 

Ukano’s tone was grim. “If you hadn’t run off, it could have worked out.”

“But you were gone. The letter had already been sent, but we couldn’t produce you. It looked like you had run off to avoid your duties. We’d jumped from being accused of treason ourselves to our daughter thumbing her nose at our country.” The anger in Michi’s voice sounded so much like Mai when she was mad, it took Zuko a moment to identify who was speaking. “How could you have been so reckless? Galavanting off to who knows where. You could have been killed!”

“After a few days of worrying, we received a notice from the Firelord that your name had been used in a village close to the Capital. From there, we figured out where you were heading, and stationed some of our former employees there to meet you when you arrived. But…” 

A strange sob, pulled from the throat. “Too much time had passed. A second attack was made on Ba Sing Se. Traveling during the siege would have made you a liability, so we had no choice but to leave you in the Capital.”

“Then what?” Mai whispered. 

A sigh from her father. “Our offer of an asset had turned into a plea to help us find our missing daughter. We--” 

Mai’s mother interrupted, “Our worry broke temporarily when the news came that Ba Sing Se had fallen. Then, reports said that the Firelord’s son had regained his honor by killing the Avatar. What a reason to rejoice! But in the midst of the colony’s celebration, we received word that the Firelord wished to speak with us. You can’t imagine how nervous your Father was!”

“Our noble Firelord looked down on us with nothing but compassion and generosity.” Ukano’s words sounded like he was reciting some kind of oath or even a poem. “He was very understanding when we explained that you had no knowledge of the magnitude of your actions. What’s more, his mercy is the reason we had the privilege of sending you here, to be the bride to his son.” 

“Oh, Mai!” A small inhale, and then the swish of cloth against cloth. “Of course you’re a bit young, but to be a member of the royal family! It’s all I could have ever wanted for you!” 

Fists tight, Zuko softly rose to a standing position. Forget propriety. He should storm in there and cuss them out for being so callous. So what if they’d been out of options? Blaming Mai for her own misfortune was just unfair. If they’d bothered to tell her they’d offered her up as some kind of sidekick for Azula instead of acting all secretive, maybe she wouldn’t have run away! 

The palms of his hands started to heat, and he hissed as steam poured from between his knuckles. 

But if he went in there...Mai would know he’d been listening. 

. . . . . . . .

“So what did you do?” Aang asked.

Waves of guilt churned in Zuko’s stomach. “Uh, went to my room.” 

“You _what?!_” Katara and Toph screeched in unison, their faces almost green with horror. 

“No offense Zuko, but that’s the most confusing part of the story. And this part was really confusing,” Suki winced.

“Don’t worry, I think I’ve got it all sorted out!” Scratching the last few characters in the dirt with the sharp edge of his boomerang, Sokka gestured to his handiwork. “Ta da! A timeline of Mai’s whole backstory! And it’s in dirt, so Toph can read it too! How awesome am I?” 

“Pretty awesome,” The Kyoshi Warrior purred, kissing him on the cheek.

Peering down at his friend’s project, Aang hesitated before speaking. “So why did you just leave Mai with her parents like that? Isn’t that kind of, well...bad?”

“It’s complicated.” Exhaling, he mentally searched for the right words to explain. “Even though our trip to Ember Island had improved our relationship a lot, figuring out the right thing to do was still hard. I thought if she wanted me to be a part of the fight, she wouldn’t have dragged her parents off like that. She would have just had it out in the hallway with me standing there.”

“I guess that’s a good point,” The Airbender mused, poking at the dirt with one finger.

“Then there was this weird scroll sitting outside my door when I got back, and that caused another problem.” Even just the memory made his muscles tense with anxiety. “That was when I found out about what Firelord Sozin had done all those years ago. And that Avatar Roku was my great-grandfather.”

Trading a bewildered look with her brother, Katara muttered, “I can see how that would be distracting.” 

“My sister returned with Ty Lee the next morning. Talking to her sort of helped me figure out the whole grandfather thing, but most of the answers came from visiting my uncle in prison. But knowing what happened in the past didn’t make me any less confused, so I had a lot on my mind. Yes, I should have been there for Mai, but there was so much going on. But I did feel bad about ignoring her like that, even for only a day. So I decided I had to make it up to her.”

“Uh oh!” With a stomp of her foot, Toph rearranged the dirt timeline into a heart shape, earning a devastated yelp from Sokka. “Looks like Zuko’s about to get all mushy again!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * - Remember Zuko has a dad who is literally the worst, so the bar is low. 
> 
> Hey friends! Sorry my update schedule is all wonky; I'm working two jobs rn. I haven't even been able to binge ATLA (now that it's finally been added to Netflix) yet. :( 
> 
> This chapter was originally planned to be a lot longer but I decided the amount of information (and how intense that information is) necessitated a shorter one. I'll add the rest to the beginning of chapter 14--no harm, no foul!
> 
> Here's the updated timeline of Mai's backstory in regards to the episodes:
> 
> -"The Swamp”, “Avatar Day”, “The Blind Bandit”, “Zuko Alone”, "The Chase”, “Bitter Work", “The Library” --> Mai is sent away from Omashu to stay with the families of other nobles, and is bored out of her mind. 
> 
> -"The Desert", “The Serpent's Pass” —> When the nobleman she is staying with mentions the FN’s plan to use a drill to invade Ba Sing Se, she decides to run away to join them as she knows Azula is the only one who could have come up with such a plan. Unfortunately, she is caught and as a compromise, is sent to stay with her Uncle at Boiling Rock prison.
> 
> -"The Drill” “City of Walls and Secrets”, “The Tales of Ba Sing Se” Mai stays with her uncle
> 
> -"Appa's Lost Days" —> SUKI IS KIDNAPPED, Mai’s uncle decides to send her home. Mai doesn’t know, but Azula approached her parents at this point because she was mad the drill didn’t work and she accused them of hiding Mai from her. Mai’s parents were afraid Azula would get them in trouble with the Firelord, so they offered Mai to Ozai as a member of Azula’s elite team without Azula’s knowledge.
> 
> -"Lake Laogai”, “The Earth King” —> Mai runs away again, but to evade capture by her parents, decides to run to the capital in the hopes that Azula will return soon before her parents find her. Mai's parents can no longer offer her to OZai as promised. 
> 
> -“The Guru”, "The Crossroads of Destiny" —> Mai gets caught, but her parents can’t bring her back to Omashu with the siege on BSS happening, and they’ve technically promised her to Ozai already as Azula’s right hand woman. Zuko regains his honor, so Ozai manipulates Mai’s parents into making a new deal. 
> 
> Hope that makes sense! :) 
> 
> Please let me know what you think of this development in Mai's story. Why do you think Azula didn't mention that she came back for Mai a second time? How should Zuko make it up to Mai without revealing that he eavesdropped? Comment or message me with your thoughts!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A husband’s work is never done.

Uncle had always said that “the best way to begin an apology is with a cup of hot tea.” 

Balancing the tray as he walked briskly down the hall felt so easy, he wondered yet again why the servants had acted so strange when he insisted on delivering it himself. Was it really that difficult? Maybe it was just his muscle memory from working at The Jasmine Dragon that made it such a simple task…

As he got closer and closer to his destination, he mentally practiced what he would say. “Sorry that I’ve been so busy lately” seemed flippant somehow, like he was showing off. “Sorry that your parents suck”, although truthful, exposed the whole eavesdropping thing he was trying to hide. And “Sorry for ignoring you and leaving you to deal with her parents alone” just sounded horrible. And it’s not like he could tell the truth: “Sorry, I just found out that the Avatar is my ancestor and he’s probably not dead but don’t worry I sent out an assassin after him and oh yeah, I also eavesdropped on you and your parents but I didn’t have time to talk to you about it because I was too busy feeling guilty about betraying Uncle even though it was definitely the right thing to do so why should I feel guilty anyway.” 

Maybe he should just go with an old classic, “Sorry that I’m an idiot.” Or, wait--would “jerk” be more appropriate? 

Eh, maybe he shouldn’t say anything. Talking his way out of problems had never been his forte. Besides, the first battle would be getting Mai to even open the door--

Right as he turned the corner, a flash of pink sped past in the opposite direction, almost toppling both him and the tea-tray. 

“Hey!” 

The figure didn’t bother to turn around, but even though he couldn’t see her face, he knew that brown braid and blossom-colored tunic anywhere. 

“Guess Azula’s crazy is spreading,” he grumbled, rearranging the tray’s now jumbled contents with one hand. 

“You have no idea.”

Heart practically leapfrogging out of his chest, he narrowly avoided launching a teacup into the air. “Mai!”

“Zuko.” Leaning further out the doorway of her room, the gloomy girl gave him an expectant stare. “Well? Are you coming in or not?” 

Following her inside, he chanced a look over his shoulder. “What was that all about?”

Warmth bloomed in his chest at Mai’s deep sigh--as much as he preferred for her to be happy, the sound was welcoming in its familiarity. 

“Ty Lee is upset.” 

The temptation to reply with ‘obviously’ was strong, but he bit back the remark. This wasn’t the time for snark. “About what?” 

“One on one time with Azula takes its toll. I guess I should be impressed--she lasted longer than I thought she would.” 

Taking the tray from him, she began to arrange the service on the floor. The spread reminded him of their first tea together here; and their little breakfast picnic at the beach. The warmth in his chest grew. 

“Mai--”

“Something bad happened with one of the captives. From the prison where they had their mission, while we were on vacation.” Removing the top of the teapot, she inspected its contents, ignoring the steam that rose to envelope her face. “Azula made her use her chi blocking during interrogation. I think she feels bad about it.”

Weird. Usually Ty Lee didn’t feel bad about anything. 

“It’s not like she could have said no anyway.” Replacing the lid, Mai selected a cup and began to pour. “Not to Azula.”

“Right.” Zuko murmured. “Why’d she run off like that? She didn’t know I was coming to see you.” 

The stream of tea stopped. Raising her head slowly, she met his gaze. “She didn’t want anyone to catch her crying.” 

Ty Lee? _Crying?_ Now he’d heard it all. The acrobat’s face held what seemed like a permanent grin. 

Apparently the look on his face was easy to decipher. “She’s not always Happy Go Lucky Ty Lee, you know.” Nestling the now full teacup in her palm, she held it out to him. 

Hiding his disappointment behind a small smile, he accepted the offering. There went his apology. He really had intended to serve her first, but it couldn’t be helped now. 

Was it just his imagination, or had she let her fingers linger against his before pulling away? 

“Don’t tell her I told you,” Mai added, her tone so casual it was as if she’d asked him to have a pleasant afternoon. 

“Why did you tell me?” Taking a sip, he waited for the flavor of the ginger to wash over his tongue before swallowing. 

“I don’t want there to be any secrets between us.” 

A particularly hot chunk of ginger stung his throat, and he held back a cough. “Um, secrets? What secrets?” 

“You’ve been acting weird lately.” Tucking both hands into her sleeves, she eyed him with a gaze as sharp as her blades. “And I know why.” 

Gulp. “Uh--”

“I’m sorry.” 

Everything slowed down, like he was losing consciousness. Then, as if that wasn’t strange enough, Mai _bowed her head to him._

That’s when the world froze. 

“What…?”

Time stood still for a moment, and then…

“I know having my parents here freaked you out. My mom is so embarrassing, and my dad--ugh.” 

...suddenly ricocheted back up again. Even with her head bowed, the tips of her ears were visible, pink as Ty Lee’s garb. 

Oh. She wasn’t bowing TO him, she was just embarrassed!! Setting down his cup, he tried to catch his breath. The churning in his chest felt like one of the Avatar’s airbending tricks. 

“They probably wouldn’t have said all of that if they knew you were listening--” As she lifted her head slightly, he caught the blush on her cheeks fading, a sly expression slipping across her face. 

“You _knew?_"

“You didn’t do the best job of hiding it.” Blowing on her tea, she didn’t even bother to hide her smile. “No wonder it took you so long to capture the Avatar, if that’s how you went about it.”

Gaping, Zuko tried and failed to form a response. How did--how had she--did this mean he didn’t have to apologize at all? Or that he should try harder? 

Bronze eyes danced over his face, sparkling with amusement. “Mom and Dad didn’t even notice. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone those rumors about you being the Blue Spirit are all nonsense. Wouldn’t want to disappoint all those romantics making up tragedies about our star-crossed love story.” 

“I--I’m sorry?” Was he sorry? He was. For eavesdropping, and two times over for eavesdropping badly. Could he blame it on the oversized robes, or on being out of practice? 

Oh, who was he kidding. Around Mai, he always seemed to regress into a bumbling fool. It was like just being near her made his heart grow in size until it was too big for his body, throwing off his balance and sending him crashing to the ground at her feet in a face plant. 

When had he become so _ridiculous?_

“No, I’m sorry.” Seriousness straightening her smile, Mai put down her cup and folded her hands. “Everything you heard...I know you probably think it’s your fault. That’s why you’ve been so weird. But it’s not your fault, so...can we go back to being normal again?”

In that moment, he would have given her anything to bring back that beautiful smile. Unfortunately, it appeared that any eloquence he may have possessed had departed along with Mai’s parents, so the best he could come up with was: “Yeah.” 

“Good.” Sliding closer, Mai leaned against him and let out a relaxed sigh.

The tension in his body ebbed away as his breathing matched with hers, and he took a happy sip of his tea. “I missed you, you know. Even though it was only one day.”

“I missed you too.” Leaning her head against his shoulder, she mused, “Having my parents here wasn’t exactly fun, but it reminded me that maybe what happened isn’t the worst thing in the world. Maybe we’re actually kind of lucky.”

Raising an eyebrow, Zuko wondered if Ty Lee had rubbed off on her too much. “How?” 

Mai’s shrug reverberated through the muscle of his arm. “Even if things were different, we’d still be stuck in some sort of game, right? Like, if my parents’ plan had worked, you and Azula still would have killed the Avatar.”

_I almost didn’t. I almost wish...no._ No, he had done the right thing. Uncle was the one in the wrong. Nightmares aside, he had to believe that. 

Bringing her cup to her lips, Mai swallowed before continuing. “You’d return home to all your honor and glory, and I’d go back to Omashu with my parents. A few years down the line, they’d marry me off to some war general--some guy important enough to be okay with all my dad’s inheritance going to Tom Tom someday, but not so important that my mom feels inadequate around his family.”

The very thought of Mai marrying someone else against her will made his nose wrinkle in disgust. Fists clenching, he felt a surge of heat coat his veins. Could she feel it too, with her body against his?

“We’d meet again at one of those mind-numbing social functions. My husband would be at the other end of the table, sucking up to your dad about taxes or land or something equally dull. I’d be contemplating offing myself with a pair of chopsticks while Ty Lee flirts with all of my brothers in law. You’d see me, I’d see you. We’d remember that time we kissed by the fountain, but neither of us would say anything. We’d be trapped, just like we are now.” Setting down her drink, she offered him a pointed glance. “Only we’d be alone.” 

Why did his throat feel raw all of a sudden? It wasn’t like any of that had actually happened. Letting out a dry cough, he said, “Sounds pretty depressing.”

“Exactly.” A hint of sadness rippled across her features, disappearing like a koi fish in a pond diving under the water’s surface. Determination quickly replaced it, stiffening the line of her jaw. “We can’t change the messed up situation we’re in. But at least we’re stuck with each other, instead of someone else. And I…I don’t hate being with you. So maybe we should just, I don’t know. Really try to make the best of it. Focus on us, instead of all the reasons to be miserable. You know?” 

“I never thought you’d pass up an excuse to be miserable,” he couldn’t help but tease.

“Me either. But I guess I’m kind of an idiot around you.” It was strange how he used to think such a bright smile was something he’d never see from her. “Ember Island was nice. I want us to feel like that here, too.”

“You do?” His heartbeat was so loud, he was positive she and the rest of the island could hear it. 

“Yeah.” Her smile ghosted across his lips, coaxing them closer before pulling away. “Besides, what do I really have to complain about now?” 

* * * * * * * * 

“Hold up!” Raising one hand high in the air, Toph sent a clump of dirt flying into Zuko’s cheek. “Did Mai’s brother ever get his turtleduck toy?”

“Ooh yeah, that was my question too!” Aang practically yelled from above from where he currently sat atop Appa. During their stay at the Western Air Temple, combing dry leaves and other debris out of the bison’s fur had been the airbender’s favorite bonding activity with The Duke. Now that the group had split up, he resorted to multitasking while listening to Zuko’s tale. 

Scrubbing his now dirty cheek with the side of his hand, Zuko held back an eye roll. Of course that’s the part they chose to focus on. Although he supposed it was an important detail. “Mai gave it to her parents to take back with them.”

“Eh, I wouldn’t trust those guys,” Toph mumbled, crossing her arms. 

Katara made a noise of agreement (slightly startling Momo, who had been playing with her braid). “Especially since she basically said they still would have sold her off to some other guy if you two hadn’t ended up together. My dad would never force me to do something like that!”

“Oh, _he_ wouldn’t,” Sokka chuckled, shifting Suki around in his lap so he could meet his sister’s eye. “But I could just see Grampakku bringin it up! He’d be all--ahem--‘NORTHERN WATER TRIBE RULES’--and you’d just--_schwahhhhh_\--hit him with an ice blast and call it a day!” 

“Mmhm,” Suki hummed, leaning her head on her boyfriend’s shoulder as he pulled her closer. Zuko couldn’t put his finger on what, but something in his story had upset the Kyoshi Warrior--the shine in her eyes had dulled, and her posture had wilted like a plant dehydrated by the sun. Instead of asking him to stop, though, Sokka had just cuddled the girl into his lap, giving his Airbending best friend a meaningful look in the process. 

What was most surprising was that she hadn’t bothered to hide her discomfort in an effort to show off her strength. Was she sick or something? He would just ask, but it wasn’t really his business…

Ah, he’d just have to badger Aang into telling him what was going on later. That seemed to be how things worked on the Good Side. 

“This next part might be kind of boring to you guys,” he admitted. “After that Mai and I just spent a lot of time together and got to know each other some more. You know, boyfriend-girlfriend stuff.”

“You mean wife-husband stuff!” Aang corrected, liberating a particularly stubborn twig from behind his bison’s ear. 

Katara made a noise of agreement as Momo settled atop her head. “Go on, Zuko. It would be nice to hear more about Mai.”

* * * * * * * * 

“Ok, I’ve got one.” Smooth fingers brushing Zuko’s hair out of his eyes, Mai peered down at him and challenged, “Name one thing you liked about the Earth Kingdom.”

Adjusting his position so his head rested more comfortably in her lap, he couldn’t help but frown. “Oh, come on.”

“Just one thing,” she deadpanned, although she looked so beautifully convincing from below that she may as well have sing-songed the request. 

Zuko could have listed several things Uncle had liked about Ba Sing Se--the friendliness of the lower ring citizens, the wealth of tea leaf options and fair prices at the local markets, the street musicians that played lively tunes until after the sun had set. But he wasn’t like Uncle--he didn’t have a grateful attitude or an appreciative eye. Quite the opposite; he’d spent so long stewing in annoyance over life as a fugitive, he couldn’t remember anything that he hadn’t hated. 

Well, except for his date with that Jin girl...that hadn’t been too terrible. But he wasn’t going to say _that._

“I guess...the food wasn’t too bad. Not very flavorful, but better than some other stuff I’ve had while traveling,” he admitted. 

“I’ll accept it.” Grinning, she rewarded him with a kiss on the forehead. “Your turn.”

Warmth spread from the spot where she’d kissed him straight down to his toes, and he beamed. “Tell me one thing _you_ liked about the Earth Kingdom.”

“I wasn’t there very long,” she protested, but he could tell she was thinking of an answer. She was lovely when she was thinking--biting her lip in concentration, absentminded fingers drawing small circles against his temples. The itch to capture those fingers and press his lips to each one was tempting, but that would defeat the purpose of the game. 

“This might not count because I never saw one while I was in Omashu, but...when I was little, we visited my aunt’s flower shop. There were these rare Earth Nation flowers they’d imported through some colony. They looked like fire lilies, but black and white instead of red.” Her mouth quirked at the memory. “Of course I thought they were cool because of the black stripes on the petals. My aunt said they were called panda lilies. I liked those.”

“I’ll get some for you someday,” he promised. Maybe he should feel silly--he’d never been one to care about something as pointless as flowers. But Mai had never seemed like the type to care about that sort of thing either, and here she was. 

“Is that your way of saying you’ll take my answer?” Her cheeks glowed, and she looked all the world like a teenage girl in love. 

Smirking, he craned his head upwards to plant a kiss on her chin, earning an eye roll. 

“Tell me…” Tracing one fingernail up the edge of his ear, she stared at the ceiling as if searching for an idea written there. “...the first thing you’re going to do when you’re the Firelord.” 

“Like that will ever happen,” he scoffed. 

She raised an eyebrow. “You don’t think so?” 

Bitterness clawed at the edges of his good mood. “Not with Azula around. She’s the perfect candidate: a talented bender, master strategist, never makes a mistake. She’s only fourteen and she’s already better than me at everything.”

“But you’re the oldest.”

“So? My dad wasn’t.” 

“Hm.” Framing his face in her hands, she peered down at him. “Would that bother you, if he chose her instead?”

“Yeah.” Tired eyes meeting her sympathetic ones, he allowed himself one self-pitying sigh. “But I wouldn’t be surprised. Getting rid of the Avatar may have earned me my honor back, but being named his successor... I don’t expect that.”

“He gave you a wife to thank you for killing the Avatar.” Mai pointed out, fingertips feather-light against the edge of his scar. “That was pretty unexpected.” 

“That’s true.” Okay, just one more self-pitying sigh. “I’m not saying he wouldn’t because he hates me or anything. I’m just not--Azula is so--nevermind, it’s stupid.”

“No, go on,” she murmured, her voice so comforting that he weirdly wanted to cry all of a sudden. Not that he was going to.

Taking a deep breath, he fought to get the words out. “I know my dad cares about me. But I’ve made so many mistakes, I don’t think I could handle that kind of responsibility. I’m still getting used to everything being the way it was before. Azula always does everything right on the first try, but if it was me...I don’t think I would be ready for a long time.”

“Well, I think you’d be a good Firelord someday.” Giving him a peck on the lips, she leaned back. “_Much_ better than Azula, anyway.” 

All the complicated feelings in his chest melted into an orange warmth. Mischievously, he flipped over and sat up.“I didn’t answer the question, and you still kissed me. Does that mean I win?” 

Despite the fact that she’d lost, her eyes sparkled like beams of sunlight. “Depends. Remind me what the prize was, again?” 

Somehow, the favor of the spirits shined down on him long enough to inspire the perfect response: “I can show you better than I can tell you.”

From the way she dragged him forwards to kiss her properly, he could tell she was pleased that his flirting technique had improved.

* * * * * 

“What are you doing?”

Trying not to feel self-conscious, Zuko straightened his posture. “You mentioned my dual swords yesterday.” 

“I did?” She looked confused, which should have been worrisome but honestly, the more she openly emoted in front of him, the more secure he felt. 

“During breakfast.” The conversation had started innocently enough. She’d asked about his dark undereye circles, and rather than disclose his ever-worsening nightmares, he’d blamed his lack of sleep on the physical frustration that came with not bending much lately. 

It wasn’t really a lie. Much of his stress while living as a fugitive in Ba Sing Se was due to hiding his abilities after spending two years either battling the Avatar and his friends, or practicing his bending all day in case a battle was imminent. Being back home was considerably better of a situation...but he still didn’t have the opportunity to bend as much as he liked. 

As much as he hated to admit it, the transition had affected him physically. Or at least, it seemed worse recently. Anxiety prickled in his veins almost constantly, like he was a rope pulled so taut, he was perpetually a moment’s away from snapping. 

Yup, it was definitely the lack of bending that was the problem. Nothing else could be frustrating him like this. 

The thing was, he didn’t want to show off his bending in front of Mai if he wasn’t in total control. What if he pushed too hard and hurt a servant like he’d almost done last time? Or what if he got distracted by her reactions, and messed up a form that was supposed to be super easy? 

He’d rather show her a skill he was confident he had perfected. Besides, Mai was more likely to be impressed by blades than she was by bending anyway. 

Deftly flipping the handle of one of his swords over his wrist, he chanced a smile. “Thought I’d show you how much better I’ve gotten.”

“Last time I saw you practice, you could barely lift them both at once,” she teased, settling into the grass. 

Breathing in, he took a moment to register the feel of the hilts against his palms. _Think of the swords as an extension of yourself. You’re in control. You’re powerful. _

_You can do this. _

The sharp metal sliced through the air as he leapt and twisted and spun. Imaginary opponents fell in defeat with every motion. As he jumped forwards, his left foot landed on a patch of dead grass, a casualty from his firebending display several weeks ago. For some reason, the dryness of the plant against his toes felt like a reverse attack. Gritting his teeth, he bore on.

It was only a few minutes, but it felt like days. Sweat ran in rivers down the side of his neck and between his shoulder blades. His muscles burned with effort, his lungs shrieking for air. 

Only when he hit the final pose, one blade held over his head and the other level with his waist, did he look to Mai. 

One hand rested on her chest, thumb pressed against the curve of her collarbone. The other clutched at the ground, freshly-grown grass that had survived his onslaught peeking through her fingers. Her lips were parted slightly, partly with surprise and partly with some other feeling he was afraid to name. Under the heavy fringe of her bangs, her golden eyes were wider than he’d ever seen them. Gaze slipping down his chest and up again, she looked at him like he was Agni himself. 

Or maybe he just hoped that was the case. 

His shoulders hunched a bit as he panted, “Well?” 

Swallowing audibly, she mumbled, “You’ve definitely gotten better.” 

* * * * * * 

“EWWWW!” Katara screamed, reaching above her head to grab Momo’s ears and yank them over her own. 

Barely audible over Toph and Sokka’s hysterical laughter, a befuddled Aang yelled, “What? I thought that was cute! Why are you all laughing?!” 

Blushing heavily, Zuko protested, “You said you wanted to hear it!”

“You didn’t say you guys were going to be gross,” Suki groused, scrambling out of Sokka’s lap. 

Wiping a tear from her eye, Toph howled, “Sounds like Zuko made her feel something after all!” 

Sokka reached for Suki, choking down another chortle in a vain effort to convince his girlfriend not to abandon their cuddle session. “Wow, Zuko. Didn’t realize you had it in ya.” 

Well, that settled it. That was enough for tonight. Maybe tomorrow everyone would have learned to appreciate a good love story. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zuko's memories during this chapter take place during "The Runaway", an episode in which neither he nor Mai appear, so I thought this couple (and you kind readers) deserved some fluff with a dash of spice alongside the character development and ever-increasing angst. Let me know what you think. :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko relives the events of "Nightmares & Daydreams".

“I can’t believe we’re hiding out in the Firelord’s beach house.” Flexing her foot, Katara reached for her toes and exhaled. “I know Zuko said it was a good idea, but it still feels weird.”

“It’s not weird, it’s unfair.” Toph grumbled as she stretched both hands over her head. “We COULD be hiding out at that honeymoon suite instead.”

Suki almost dropped out of her one-armed pushup. “No way! The Firelord could be banking on Zuko taking us there, for the memories. And even if he’s not, Azula saw Mai sacrifice herself at the Boiling Rock; she has to know how much that place means to him.” 

Switching to her other leg, Katara sighed. “I guess you’re right; we’re safer here. It just makes my skin crawl to sleep where Firelord Ozai spent his summers all happy.”

“Eh, don’t worry about it.” Toph’s fists punched the empty air once, twice, three times. “They’re gonna lose when Twinkletoes kicks the Fireloser’s colonizer butt in a few days. I’m just hoping he lets me get a few hits in before he finishes the job!”

Doubt hardened in Katara’s throat, but she swallowed it down. Ever since she and Zuko had discussed the matter during their field trip, her concern over whether Aang could bring himself to kill Ozai had grown. It was their final option, but...after choosing to show mercy to Yon Rha, was it the best one? 

All she could do was hope Aang would make the right choice, whatever that was. He would come back alive. She had to believe that.

“I wonder…” Sweat broke out on Suki’s brow as she lowered herself into plank position. “Why didn’t the Fire Nation assume Mai would betray them, after Zuko left?”

“What do you mean?”

“She was his wife, and from what he told us, everyone must have known how mushy they were for each other. Wouldn’t the Firelord have been suspicious about who she was really loyal to?”

“Maybe he’s just dumb,” Toph offered.

“No, Suki’s right.” Katara shook her head. “Even if the Firelord is that careless, Azula isn’t. Why would she trust Mai? There was that whole thing about her accepting their weird arranged marriage, so she knew they were close--enough to feel threatened by it.”

Breathing heavily, the Kyoshi Warrior let herself drop to the ground. “I think we need Zuko to give us some answers.”

Toph grinned. “I’d better go find Snoozles and Twinkletoes.” 

****

“Okay, even though I was unfairly _ambushed_ while taking a nap even though I spent _all night_ on watch--” Zuko sent a glare around the circle. “I guess I can clear up a few things.”

He chose to ignore the not-at-all-remorseful high five shared by Suki and Katara. 

“Things were going pretty well. Mai and I spent lots of time together, I stopped having nightmares, and I didn’t even think of Uncle that much anymore. Then, a few days before the eclipse, Mai mentioned a war meeting I didn’t know about. All my fears about my dad thinking of me as a failure came rushing back. I went to the Royal Library to calm down, but...”

****

“Ah, Zuzu. Back so soon? I thought you were supposed to be on a date with your sulking bride. You’ve barely been gone long enough to untie a sarashi.” 

Ordinarily her implication would have reduced him to a blushing, sputtering mess, but the joke was on her. His mood had already been thoroughly soured. “Go away, Azula.”

Rolling her eyes, she leaned against the bookcase. “Oh come on, I was just teasing. And you know deterixity isn’t your strong suit.” 

“I’m not in the mood.” The delicate paper of the scroll crunched against his palm, and he shoved it back on the shelf (probably in the wrong place, but that was someone else’s problem.) 

“Seriously, what’s your damage?” 

“None of your business.”

“Save us both the time and tell me. I’ll figure it out either way.” Her focused gaze seemed to take note of every facet of his expression, his posture, his every breath. Like he was a prisoner under interrogation. Maybe her ability to read him extended to his thoughts as well--it certainly wouldn’t surprise him. The only person masterful enough to bear such constant, invasive surveillance without giving away that they were hiding anything would be…

Mai. Hm. 

Unfortunately, his prediction about Azula’s mind-reading skills appeared to be at least partially true. Blood-red slash of a mouth curving upwards, she sweetened her tone in a way that screamed danger. “Mai is _my_ friend, and I’m feeling generous enough to give you a hint. Go on. What did you do wrong now?”

As always, the combination of superiority and faux pity struck a nerve in him, and he spoke before he thought: “So I guess there's a big war meeting coming up, huh? And apparently I'm not welcome there.”

Something like a mix of a scoff and a laugh escaped her mouth. “What do you mean? Of course you're welcome there.”

“Oh, yeah?! I guess that's why no one bothered to tell me about it.”

She tossed him a bored glance.“Don't be so dramatic. I'm certain Dad wants you there. You probably just weren't invited because it's so obvious you're supposed to be there.”

He could feel it again--the dragon wrapped around his heart. The one that had slept soundly since he and Mai had fought and made up on the beach. “Well, were you invited?” 

“Of course! I'm the princess.” Oddly enough, her expression radiated exasperation, not the haughtiness he expected. But that was the trouble with Azula: even on the rare occasion when she was being sincere, there was always suspicion about why she had chosen to do so in the first place.

“And I'm the prince!” _I did everything he wanted. I betrayed Uncle for him, I took down the Avatar for him, I came back because he wanted me to and I agreed to marry Mai because he wanted me to and_\--

_And I’m his son._

“Exactly, so stop acting like a paranoid child.” Tired of this game, she turned away. A single sharp fingernail ran along the blunt spines of the maps on the shelf next to them. “Just go to the meeting.”

“Forget it! I'm not going!” Turning on his heel, he stomped away.

****

“I think I get it!” Wang Fire beard securely attached to his face, Sokka leapt to his feet and started pacing. “Despite Zuko and Mai being oogie all over the place, his sister still thinks Mai likes her best!” 

Toph raised her hand. “Because Zuko always finds a way to ruin stuff?” 

“Hey!”

“Or because Mai acted like she’s still on Azula’s side when they spent time alone. Even if she didn’t lie, it sounds like she’s better at hiding things from Azula than most people.” Gently lowering the earthbender’s hand, Suki bit her lip. “Or she can’t see why _anyone_ would choose Zuko over her.”

“But Azula helped Mai get her stuff back after the wedding.” Flopping onto his stomach, Aang rested his chin on his hands. “Maybe when she said that she “accepted” you guys being married, she was trying to be a good friend.” 

Katara snorted. “That’s not being a good friend. A real friend would have helped her escape, or convinced their dad to ban forced marriages.”

“She can’t say anything to the Firelord. He’s the one who decided a wife was a perfect welcome home present.” Suki pointed out. “I’m sure she cares more about what her dad thinks than being a good person.” 

“I guess you’re right.” Katara shook her head. “Still, Azula’s pretty selfish. She probably just pretended to support their relationship, so Mai would stay loyal to her.”

“It’s the way she’s always been.” Zuko fought back a sigh. “Even though Mai and I weren’t hiding how we felt, she didn’t know what those feelings meant. Azula has never understood what love is. I don’t think she ever will.” 

Sympathy muted Aang’s usually sunny expression. “That’s so sad.” 

Toph earthbended a spray of pebbles in the Airbender’s direction. “Why should we feel bad for her?”

“Ah, yes.” Stroking his beard, Sokka nodded slowly. “It’s like the Firelord took away Azula’s favorite toy and gave it to Zuko. She couldn’t pretend she didn’t want it anymore, so she tried to--AH!” Interrupting himself, he lunged at his sister, before quickly withdrawing his arm. “_Snatch_ it back!”

The intensity of Katara’s glare did nothing to derail the older boy’s speech. Call him moonpeach jam, because he was on a roll: “But that didn’t work. So instead, she decided sharing the toy with Zuko was the best course of action, because…?”

Hands spread apart, he waited.

Everyone sat in silence.

The Water Tribe warrior huffed in disappointment. “BECAUSE she thinks the Firelord will give the toy back to her someday! When she’s his favorite kid again!” Gesturing to the now grumpy-faced Fire Prince, he gave his audience a winning grin. “Mystery solved!”

“Wow, Sokka!” Aang applauded his friend as he bowed. “I gotta admit, that was pretty impressive!”

“What can I say? I’m a master of perception.” 

****

“Zuko, it's just a dumb meeting.” Tugging one of her blades from the wall and slipping it back into her sleeve, Mai gave him a shrug. “Who cares?” 

He flopped stomach-down on the couch. The cushions on it were less comfortable than the one in his room--he should talk to the servants about that. “I don't.” 

“Well, good. You shouldn't.” Her index finger worried a small nick in the wall that the blade had left behind. “I mean, why would you even want to go? Just think about how things went at the last meeting you went to.”

“I know.” he said, barely holding back the urge to snap. The concern in her tone was evidence of her good intentions, but he still felt an irrational surge of annoyance. He wasn’t a stupid kid who would speak out of turn anymore. After years of banishment, he understood the necessity of making difficult decisions in times of war. Hadn’t he proven that, when he’d betrayed Uncle in Ba Sing Se? His father didn’t have any reason to cut him out. So what was it? Why was everyone, even Mai, acting like it was a good thing he hadn’t been invited? 

Why was he still not good enough? 

“Quit obsessing over it.” Clearly sensing an oncoming breakdown, the dark-haired girl nestled in beside him. “You know what will make you feel better? Ordering some servants around.”

What was the point? Once word got out his father hated him, none of them would respect him anymore. 

“I might be hungry for a whole tray of fruit tarts.”

He should have known. Nothing worked out for him; why should this have been any different? How long had he spent chasing phantoms around the world like some kind of idiot before the Avatar had finally appeared? How many times had he fought children much younger and more inexperienced in combat, only to lose? How many times had he come so close to regaining his honor, only to make a stupid mistake and watch the chance slip through his fingers? 

“Or maybe a little palanquin ride around town? Double time.” 

If Azula hadn’t shown up, would he even have succeeded at all? Maybe she’d finally admitted that she’d been the one to deliver the final blow. Or worse--maybe the assassin he’d paid was a blabbermouth, and she knew the Avatar was still alive, and that he’d tried to cover up the fact. Maybe she’d told their father everything--

“Zuko.” Ten cold fingers gripped his face, her thumbs tracing his cheekbones in a soothing rhythm. “It doesn’t matter, okay? Whatever else is going on, you have me.”

“I have you,” he repeated. A tiny trickle of warmth bloomed in his chest as he relished the comfort of her arms, the honesty of her feelings. He still couldn’t bring himself to smile, but his frown relaxed, and he closed his eyes. 

“Lucky you. I am _much_ better than some boring meeting.”

As their foreheads met, her hands slid from the sides of his face to the back of his neck. This close, he could feel the ghost of every exhale as it left her lips.

She leaned in, and he didn’t pull away.

It was true. The meeting didn’t stand a chance against her. If he had to choose, he would always pick Mai over anything. Every time. 

So why didn’t admitting that make him feel any better? 

****

_“Prince Zuko, everyone's waiting for you. The high admirals, the high generals, the war ministers, and the princess have all arrived. You're the only person missing.”_

_ “The Fire Lord said he would not start until you arrived, sir.”_

Walking out of the meeting room was like entering a sea of fog. Half-thoughts flew every which way inside his mind, coherence lost in the chaos. As he stumbled forwards, his good eye caught a glimpse of movement. 

Mai, slouching against the pillar. The very same pillar he had once fantasized about yanking her behind and sharing a kiss in its shadow, during her parents’ visit. Her mother would have had a hippo-cow at her horrid posture. 

“So, how did it go?” A tug disturbed his left sleeve, and the urgency in her voice betrayed a layer of frustration--had she waited outside the whole time?

Despite his inability to form a clear thought, he managed to get the words out. “When I got to the meeting, everyone welcomed me. My father had saved me a seat. He wanted me next to him. I was literally at his right hand.”

At this, she grabbed his shoulder with one hand, the other resting familiarly on his arm. He didn’t have to look at her to know she was smiling. “Zuko, that's wonderful! You must be happy.”

Happy?

Halting, he turned to face the wall. He couldn’t look at her, couldn’t bear to see the relief and joy coloring her features. Lifting his head, he realized where his feet had carried him without thought: his father’s portrait.

Mai let go. 

When Zuko had first seen the picture upon his return from Ba Sing Se, he’d secretly found it an untrue likeness. Not totally, of course. The towering figure, dripping in blackened flames and surrounded by an ostentatious gold frame, clearly communicated his father’s intimidating nature and immense power. Even the smaller details had seemed right, especially the gears representing the industrial renaissance their country had entered under his rule. 

“During the meeting, I was the perfect prince. The son my father wanted.” 

It had been the eyes that had troubled him--the empty ruthlessness there, glaring under fierce slashes of eyebrows. 

Earlier, in the meeting, those hadn’t been his father’s eyes at all. Those eyes had shone with the all-consuming brightness of the sun, brimming with fatherly pride. Those had been the eyes of a father who cared for his son. No. A father who LOVED his son. 

But if he was being honest with himself, he had to admit now that he’d seen those eyes from the painting too. 

_“You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher.”_

Suffering. Flashes of memory came all at once, like actors in a pantomime play whirling on and offstage at top speed:

Large temples with no stairs, echoing the sounds of his footsteps as he moved from empty room to empty room. 

Choppy waters tossing the ship back and forth, the groans of his crew begging him to turn back or risk drowning in the temperamental sea. 

The tear-streaked face of a boy too young to be playing soldier, hiding behind his mother in a way Zuko had forgotten how to do. 

Screams of terror as women with white and red faces yanked their neighbors from huts set aflame.

Purple scars curling up a thin ankle like a viper. 

The naive laughter of dirt-stained children as they played in the street, the absence of war allowing them to feel free despite being caged in by a wall of stone. 

Uncle’s back, like a door slammed closed. 

Mai dressed in her wedding outfit, her mouth fixed in a straight line and eyes glued to the floor. The ceremonial ribbon binding her to him was so flimsy, her blades could have easily cut through. 

The left side of his face felt unbearably hot, and his eyes closed.

“But I wasn't me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: Some of the dialogue in the flashback scenes is the same as the Book 3 episode, "Nightmares & Daydreams". I did make some tweaks here and there, add in dialogue of my own, and obviously the dialogue between the Gaang and all the non-dialogue in between is my own creation. What happens in the meeting room during the war meeting is the same as in canon. 
> 
> Join us next time (after the Gaang sees the Ember Island Players' AU of what happened) to find out how Zuko made the decision to leave the Fire Nation + leave Mai behind, why Ozai chose Mai to be Zuko's bride, and some other fun details in what will be our penultimate chapter! 
> 
> As always, feel free to leave a comment!


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